Many thanks to everyone who has contributed to our Miscarriage Code of Practice recommendations for Alan Johnson, Lord Darzi all other UK health ministers. We've compiled into a list of 10 key recommendations here.
Scotlass at your MIL! And I thought mine could be bad at times! Unfortunately I find people completely insensitive to the issue unless they have any experience of it themselves.
Grandfather said to me when I was holding a friend's baby the other week 'and you needn't start getting broody, we've got enough babies around to be getting on with thank you'. But I can kind of excuse him because he is afterall a man and they are not known for their tact are they?
One of my worst experiences has to have been only a week after my 3rd miscarriage. My brother and SIL were expecting their first child at the time, they knew I had miscarried. We were all visiting mum where she lives abroad. SIL was complaining about feeling tired, sick, aching back and feet and the whole time my blood was boling thinking I'd do anything to have all of that. This was after she had already proceeded to corner me in the kitchen when I was on my own to get out her baby bump to show me!
Then there's even the medical professionals that don't even seem to understand. I remember I'd gone to gp after last mc for something unrelated and he put it down to the upset of the recent mc. I know he was only trying to be sympathetic when he took my hand and said 'don't worry, you have plenty more child bearing years ahead of you yet' but that wasn't much comfort to me, obviously preferring to have had the one's I'd lost.
Sorry, have gone off on one of my long rambles. Anyway, after getting gp to refer me to the recurrent miscarriage clinic a couple of months ago (I did get referred ater 3rd but fell pg before going so had to go through another referral process) I have blood test forms and AF has arrived today so I think I will take myself off tomorrow to have bloods taken (only have to pop down to blood test room at clinic between certain hour in the week, they make it quite easy for you actually). They say it will take a couple of months for the results to be examined etc and then we will get an appointment with the consultant.
Hoping that my story may in some way spur you ladies on to keep on trying too. Maybe we can all support eachother along the way????
Your mil sounds so sensitive Scotlass not! Although I have 2 dd's, I am also conscious of the age gap, my sisters were both a lot older than me, and I wanted a smaller gap between our 1st and 3rd children, but hasn't worked out that way. You know everything happens for a reason, but sometimes...... Thx for your comments Cazzy, that is exactly our situation, 2 dd's and 2 m/c. We've always joked that if we have a third, it will be a girl, we seem to do them well
Worrybum reading your post has given me so much strength, I too feel guilty for letting my DD, who's also 8, down by not giving her the one thing she really wants and feel really lonely about all of this in RL. We've been married 11 years too - spooky!
Everyone just expects you to get over it so quickly and forget about it as if it wasn't really important. My MIL tonight on the phone (who I have to say I think is barking mad anyway) pissed me off chirping MIL - "been to work today?" Me - yeah MIL - all back to normal then? Me - mm. Quickly make an excuse and pass to my 8yr old DD to talk her usual rubbish for 10 minutes then oh dear have to go cos she's knocked a glass of fruit juice over onto kitchen floor and smashed it to smithereens. MIL had asked my DH if I was going to work 2 days following 11wk mmc, ERPC (2nd mc) to a job which is totally dealing with new mums and babies. Grrrrrr.
Anyway, I just wanted to say I feel good vibes in this thread and am wishing us all luck and sticky beans
I have had 2 mc having had 2 lovely dds. exactly the same as you..however after the 2nd mc I got pregnant next cycle and now have a 3rd dd. I think I would have carried on trying even if I have had more mc. I still think back to all the blood - it was awful.
Hope this makes sense...but don't give up. It will happen for you. Good luck.
loveverona just wanted to say so sorry and you will be feeling bad at the moment but if it's any help it can work out after multiple m/c's. I've had 3 m/c's and am now 13 weeks with, hopefully, my first baby. We waited after the 3rd m/c for 6 months before TTC and luckily this has worked out this time. I wish you the best of luck if you decide to try again.
Hi all, mind if I join? Just wanted to let you all know that you are not alone with your thoughts. I have had one healthy pregnancy (dd is now 8) followed by 4 successive miscarriages Jan 04, Jan 05, July 06 and Aug 07 (all with same DH we have been together nearly 11 years). Think the reason I have been lurking on mumsnet in last few weeks more than ever before is because nobody i know in RL has any experience of this coupled with the fact that my due date for my last pregnancy was 2 weeks ago and it feels like all of my friends and family members are having babies so easily and I'm not . In fact I feel that I have had very little emotional support from anyone apart from on MN at the time it has happened. It's as though they think that once the physical process has finished that's it and you can move on......if only it were that simple. I too am left wondering whether I will ever have another child and I think it is perfectly normal to not know at the time whether you will want to try again. I don't know whether what they say about time being a great healer and all that is true yet because I still feel like I'm grieving in a way but I know that it has helped me see things with a different perspective since I miscarried last. I was ready to give up and not prepared to risk putting myself through all the heartache again but have since decided that the battle's not over yet. . I look at my dd and can't help but wonder what her brothers or sisters would have been like. She is my world and is so fantastic that she makes me want more, and she would make a great big sis
Know what you mean loveverona, we found out last Thursday that we had miscarried for the 2nd time (8-9wks) (1st time was Aug 07 at 12wks). We took a 4mth break before trying again between these m/c, but once this 2nd m/c is over, I don't think we'll wait to try again. The first one was such a shock, only finding at 12wks there was a problem, this 2nd time though I had been monitored from 6wks so knew with hcg levels being checked that things weren't progressing, so have had a few weeks to get used to the idea that this one was probably going to end in a m/c as well. I'm frustrated that is has happened again, after 2 problem free pregnancies with dd1 and dd2, but it seems it's not that unusual to have more than one m/c, people don't often talk about it in real life though. Hopefully we'll all have bfp's soon and beans that stick
Hey, just realised after reading around that what happened to me this time was a chemical pregnancy, ie one that ends before 6 weeks gestation. That has actually really spurred me on to know that 50-60% of pregnancies can be affected by this. My cycles are so regular that I know if I'm a day late, so end up testing so early, when some women would never even know they were pregnant.
If/when there's a next time, I'm gonna try and hold out to test........watch this space!! xx
Thanks so much everyone. Cadelaide your story really spurs me on. I am having exactly the same feelings right now. We've decided to try one more timebut I need a bit of a break first - part of me wants to try again straight away, but I don't think that's the right thing to do - I need to give my mind and body a rest.
So we'll see what happens. The sad thing is I'm not excited (well, maybe a tiny bit) about getting pregnant again. I remember the naivety (sp?)of the first and second pregnancies, but now after 2 miscarriages you realise that this sort of thing does happen to me afterall.
Ho well, gotta be sooooooo grateful for what we already have in our two beautiful children and know that it could be a lot worse.
Scotlass I feel angry too that this has happened to me, particularly now twice, but it's true that time heals. Sending loads of good luck your way.......
LV I had a mc in july 07 and a mmc in January. I too felt really upset this time (felt grumpy that every one had constantly reassured me it was unlikely to happen again . I have an 8yr old DD and just thought it'd be straight forward after spending 8yrs not wanting to get pg again. Emotionally I feel like I don't know how I'll cope if I got pg again, what if....what if.........what if......... - my head's all over the place!!! But I am going to try again as I feel pissed off now and somehow hope we end up 3rd time lucky. Good luck to you and I'm so sorry for your loss.
LV, I had 2 mcs when my older dcs were about 4 and 6. The first time was very upsetting and the 2nd time was awful, I was so, so sad.
It was a very mixed up time, as I kept reminding myself how lucky I was to have 2 children already, but that didn't stop me feeling overwhelmed. I also felt the support dropped away a bit too, as though people couldn't understand why I was still trying (though that may have been in my head).
I was 40 by then and decided to give it one last try, and my beautiful boy is outside in his pushchair watching the big ones play as I type.
It may help you to know that although I felt so knocked back the 2nd time I did actually recover quite quickly.
I don't have any advice, but just wanted to say that I am so sorry that you are going through this again. Take care of yourself. (Any left over Easter Eggs lying around that you could finish?)
Oh love - am so sorry. You are not useless, you are a wonderful mummy to 2 dcs. It is a horrible time, I had a mmc in Aug 07 and 2nd mc in Nov 07. Have 1 dd but am ttc again now. There are quite a few of us in similar situation on this thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/1366/459531 - do come and join us for some support
Feeling pretty low today after MCing for a 2nd time yesterday. Have two gorgeous children (DD 5 and DS 2). Miscarried at 9 weeks in Nov 07 and yesterday at 5 weeks. First two pregnancies were so healthy, but now wonder if I'll ever have another baby.
Has this happened to anyone? Did you stop trying, or were you 3rd time lucky?
Just didn't expect this to happen to me. Need cheering up. Feeling so useless
at your MIL! And I thought mine could be bad at times! Unfortunately I find people completely insensitive to the issue unless they have any experience of it themselves. 
but that wasn't much comfort to me, obviously preferring to have had the one's I'd lost.
. In fact I feel that I have had very little emotional support from anyone apart from on MN at the time it has happened. It's as though they think that once the physical process has finished that's it and you can move on......if only it were that simple. I too am left wondering whether I will ever have another child and I think it is perfectly normal to not know at the time whether you will want to try again. I don't know whether what they say about time being a great healer and all that is true yet because I still feel like I'm grieving in a way but I know that it has helped me see things with a different perspective since I miscarried last. I was ready to give up and not prepared to risk putting myself through all the heartache again but have since decided that the battle's not over yet. 
