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Hi, DS is nearly 10 months and has never slept longer than 3 hours at a time. He goes to bed between 6-7 in his own cot (in our room), is BF to sleep then wakes at approx 9, 12, 1, 3, and up for the day by 5.30. I usually get him in with me by midnight though it has become increasingly earlier with my increasing exhaustion
He is completely incapable of self settling and I BF back to sleep every time. We have tried th NCSS but it just doesnt cut it with my boy. He has also been to Cranial Osteopath and it made a zip lot of difference.Daytime naps are no longer than 30-60 mins and he has to either BF or be pushed in puschair to sleep.
He eats 3 good meals a day as well as snacks and also BF at least 4-5 times a day. He must have the metabolism of a racing snake as he is a little dot on the 2nd centile.
Generally he is a happy chappy but is on the go constantly and has been crawling since 7 months. He is just entering the clingy sep anxiety stage and I am due to return to work in 6 weeks, albeit part time but very demanding job which can involve lots of driving.
We need help to help him get back to sleep and we are interested in other peoples experiences of sleep training. Im not too keen on the concept of CC but never say never.
In an ideal word I would like him to spend the night in his cot but am realistic and would be happy to continue to co-sleep as long as it did actually involve some sleep!!!
Sorry I cannot be of more help, as this is not a situation I have heard personal experience of, however I did go back to work 4 days a week when dd was 6 months old, so I can sympathise...you NEED some sleep!
I can only say what worked for us, and I would say you need to establish some different sleep cues, rather than the bf. I bf dd until 8 months, but after about the 2 months stage, we made a point of always putting her down to sleep when she was awake. Stroking the back/arm and 'sshing' seemed to help her, and still does if she wakes in the night (she's now 21 months). Wherever possible (unless she was ill) we tried to avoid picking her up and cuddling back to sleep. For daytime naps I used a lullaby cd, which became her nap cue (lots of eye rubbing when it came on!)
I guess the way I would look at it is that you need to give him cues that anyone could do (childminder/dp) rather than him having to have you. Then you need to encourage self settling through comforting but not picking up. I think there may be a pain barrier to get through (for both of you!)We didn't really do cc, but there was a couple of occasions when we let dd cry for five minutes, and equally, sometimes in the past she would 'whinge herslef down' as dh put it. Once he is a bit better sleeper, would you consider another room for hime? You may get batter quality sleep.
I co-sleep. Which for us works great as it's the comfort of being next to me which settles ds.
Totally by chance too, we discovered ds needed some sort of 'blankie'. A comforter type thing. He would never have a dummy or suck his thumb. But needed something. I ended up buying a small soft blankie thing from mothercare and it's been a lifesaver ever since. Whether it's over his head, squashed under his chin, or he's playing with the label. It's his own little way of comforting himself to sleep.
Hope you find what works for you. It's exhausting isn't it!
I did the controlled crying technique with my DS1 when he was 11 months old. He had to be fed to sleep or walked round with. He was a big lad and I couldn't carry him for long as I had broken my wrist. DH was against cc but when he was on nights for a week I did it. First night I fed him, put him in his cot awake and said goodnight then left him for 3 mins, went back in said goodnight (but did not get him out of his cot) and left him for 4 mins, repeating the process until he went to sleep. It took about 45 mins the first night and then got less and less each night and by the end of the week he was going to bed, falling asleep on his own and not crying in the night either. My HV told me that falling to sleep has to be learned, so if you feed them to sleep at bed time, when they wake up in the night they don't know how to go back to sleep on their own.
Thanks for the replies ladies.. Notyummy.. we have tried to use sleep cues such as a teddy and darkened room but he seems to fight going to sleep with every last ounce of his being! I agree though that we are probably going to have to have things get worse before they get better! I would LOVE him in his own room and he would be in there now if it wasn't for his frequent waking.. I just couldn't bear walking in and out of his room all night, I am not enjoying co-sleeping but its saving my sanity just a tiny bit.Very very VERY occasionally I can put him into his cot semi conscious and rub his back to sleep... I think the months of sleep deprivation have led me down the path of least resistance and we are now in very bad habit territory. I think its deep breath time..
Baffy I wish a comforter would do it.. My DD now 12 had a blankie thingy and we literally had to put it near her face and she would be asleep in moments.
Mumoftwo.. when you did the CC did your lo wake during the night? Because I just don't think I could bear 45 mins of crying 5 times a night..
Wezzle.. I hope The baby whisperer works for you.. I found it hard to follow and got confused. Best of luck to you.
mmelody, you sound just like I did when DS was 6 mths old. He just wouldn't settle unless on the breast and woke every 2 hrs in his cot in our room. I was anxious not to let him cry so DH and DD were not disturbed so actually with hindsight I think I contributed to the problem. I am not saying you are the same though, but my point is that when we tried a form of CC it worked a dream and was much better than I hoped for.
The first night he went in his cot in his own room. I left him whimpering (not crying) for 5 minutes, went back in his room and reassured him gently but no touching, then left. The plan is then to leave him for 20 mins before the next check but he went to sleep after another 10 mins.
During the night he woke a further 5 times but settled again after reassurance within 10 mins and no crying as such, just whimpering. I felt like a new woman in the morning! I also decided not to feed him in the night as I knew he was getting enough during the day, it was just comfort for him.
The next night he only woke twice and since then we have never looked back and he sleeps 7~7.
Obviously I can't say it will work for you but don't be scared to try it. I was terrified he would just scream and scream but he didn't at all. I think he was ready himself to get some proper sleep. I know I was.
We're all talking about the same thing on here today!
mmelody -can only sympathise and say I am in EXACTLY the same boat. Went to bed at 8.10pm last night just so dd could get in with me and stop the waking.
I lnow this is going to make me sound harsh but I would put him in his own room and do cc immediately. If he's eating well during day he is feeding at night out of habit. It'll be hell for about 5 days but it'll be worth it after that. Get your partner to take it in turns to do shifts with the cc. Has worked for several of my friends and one couple who left it til 18 months wondered why they hadn't done it earlier as it really stifled their enjoyment of their baby's 1st year.
Its not that I have any strong feelings about CC, but when I have left him for even 5 mins in the night he goes MENTAL and screams the place down. Last night I tried to rub his back after he had woken twice within the hour and he literally was hysterical and flinging himself all over the place. I know for a fact that 45mins of that 5 times a night would be awful...
However... something has to give and maybe I shall start by putting him back into his cot rather than bringing him in with me. Will also try using bottle/beaker instead of BF. I think CC will be a last resort..
mmelody - can't help as I'm in the same boat, except that I don't feed my dd to sleep, I just swaddle and hold her. She drops off in minutes. She can settle herself back to sleep during the night, but just doesn't seem to do it at bedtime or naptime. I'm terrified at the thought of cc - I've tried letting her whinge herself to sleep, but each time I've tried, she's cried herself to inconsolable-and-vomiting-everywhere pitch within 5 mins.The books say it can take 1-2 hours on the first few nights and I'm not hard-skinned - or rested enough to take that.
mm: we did CC but at 15 mo, so slightly older . It took one night and only one session of crying (an and off) for about half an hour before he settled. If you are really struggling, why not try it for the 3 nights usually recommended? It's unlikely to hurt for that length of time and it might just work...
details: I put DS down in his cot, went back after 5 mions then + 2 mons each time (so 5,7,9 eetc). When I went in I picked him up and cuddled him til he was quiet (or quieter) and then put him down, said goodnight and left again.
I am in the same situation. DD is bf to sleep at night and nap times. It is draining the life out of me and I really want to change the situation.
What exactly does cc involve? I think I will go and get some books from the libary tomorrow, any suggestions?
Also I am so weak, when dd cries I want to cry and feel so guilty.
I left her in the cot yesterday at nap time for 10mins, she was so hysterical so after 10mins I went to get her out and she was so upset she would not bf forabout 10mins. Then was sobbing in her sleep for ages after....
I am a CC veteran. Do it. It works. So long as you don't sabotage it yourself!
mmelody - your DC will not cry for 45 mins 5 times a night. He might do it once but the next time he'll do it for less time and the next time less still. Anyway you are going in every 2,3,4, or 5 mins. You can do CC in the middle of the night too tho it is a PITA and IME less likely to work than at bedtime.
I am still struggling to get DD2 to sleep through the night. She's 19.5 mo and I'm still bfeeding once or twice a day. (Her sister was 'trained' using CC at 3 mo and gave us maybe 5 bad nights in her whole first year! She was also bfed till she was 17mo)
The pattern tends to be one good night for each bad one. The bad nights are when she wakes after we've gone to sleep and we bring her into our bed rather than risk her screaming and waking up her sister. They share a room. And because we can't be bothered in the middle of the night and choose the path of least resistance, against our better judgement...
What I have noticed is that if she is put into her cot awake she is less likely to wake us in the night. She is still waking, we all do, but she goes back to sleep by herself. If she falls asleep before she is put in her cot then she is far more likely to wake later and cry.
I have been doing CC with her recently, tho still 'sabotaging' it with bfeeding to sleep sometimes if she hasn't had a nap or bringing her in with us in the night if she cries.
This evening she fell asleep on the breast (she had refused to nap today so was very tired) and was put in cot asleep. She woke 2 or 3 hours later and cried. I went in and judging by the squirming she seemed to have some trapped gas. She wouldn't settle in my arms so I took her through to the study. She farted a bit and calmed down. Still wouldn't go back to sleep in arms tho so I went back to her cot and put her in. Cue screaming and standing up. I left the room and after less than 1 minute she suddenly stopped screaming, lay down and went to sleep.
This says to me that CC is working in as much as she is learning that I will come back but will not get her out the cot, so why not just go to sleep?!
Ok then.. it seems that CC is maybe the way forward.. DS was a little more settled last night (busy day at the park) so I feel as if I maybe have the energy to start some sleep training tonight (scared emoticon)
rosierabbit I am just like you and am going to have to have DP restraining me as I hate to hear him cry.
I have decided though that DS may actually need at least one of the feeds at night so am happy to BF him but then put him back into his own cot... then do CC... do you think thats worth a shot? Or will it confuse him??? And do you think I should put him in his room from now??? My head says yes but my heart says no.. Aggghh this is SO blimmin hard.
DS1 (and DS2) were like this - BFing to sleep became an association.
I went cold turkey one night, but introduced co-sleeping to ease the trauma.
Make sure on the first night they are knackered before bed and your screaming shouldn't go on longer than an hour. Lots of hugs, stroking. Keep water handy - they will get a bit dehydrated on the first 2 nights as they are used to a lot of fluid during the night.
By the 3rd night both DSs had got the hang of it so I transferred the whole routine to their bed/cot on night 4 or 5.
With DS1, I didn't discourage coming into our bed until about age 2, when they were returned to their own bed with stroking.
DS1 is now 3.5 and mostly sleeps through the night, expect when ill and he's a damn early riser in summer!
DS2 is awful, just awful. Wakes a lot, often wailing for ages (but he is also very clingy during the day)
I waited until DS1 was 16 motnhs, and DS2 was 14 months.
Give your baby a better night’s sleep with a Natural Mat. 100% natural and made by hand in Devon, The Natural Mat Company mattresses are proven to help babies sleep better. FREE Cotton Waffle Blankets with all Mumsnet orders. Find out more.
