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Anyone else feel a bit rubbish at pregnancy?

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By Sat 17-May-08 12:15:19 Add message | Report | Contact poster

So Im 24 weeks now and so I get told on what seems like an hourly basis by friends and random strangers I should be blooming. When I say I feel terrible they warn me how much worse its going to get (thanks) or how dreadful it will be when the baby is here. When I say Im thinking of going on mat leave at 32 weeks I get somewhere between raised eyebrows and an alright for some look or a horrified "I worked until the baby crowned" look.

In reality I feel terrible. Im still being sick but "only" a couple of times a day. Still feel nauseaus all day but "only" like a bad hangover not like Im dying anymore. Cant eat a lot and only specific things - still weigh less than when I started. Tiredness has hit and I am exhausted beyond belief but as soon as I lie down my eyes ping open and I cant sleep. Feel tearful all the time and like I cant cope with things and just want to lie on the sofa and be pathetic. And to top it off I have a stupid cold (wow I really sound pathetic lol sorry!)

Am I completly wrong in thinking I should try and take it easy and cut back? I have a stressful job, am doing a phd and have a complete whirlwind of a toddler meaning Im leaving the house at 7 am and often still working at 10pm at home. DH always seems to be working or studying himself - out at least 4 nights a week and most of the weekend and we have no family support. Every time I mention to DH, friends or my mum that I want to cut back and spend some time at home on my own and I really need some support I get the looks described above. They think I should be working far later and cant understand why I feel so bad now.

Am I just being pathetic? Should I just pull myself together? Im really not looking for sympathy (although would be nice lol) just someone to understand how crap I feel and not to dismiss it. Or for some practical ideas of what I can do to get over this. I know a lot of people think that pregnant women should just get on with it and stop moaning but I really feel like Im about to collapse - although dont really have the time for that one lol.

Anyone else feeling as pathetic or is everyone superwoman? Am I really being that useless??

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Fri 03-Apr-09 12:36:41

hunny you are def not on your own, i am on my third pregnancy and cant understand why i would put myself through this all over again, pregnancy is horrable feeling sick, tired, looking awful not everyone is superwoman we get told pregnancy isnt an illness but some of us are unlucky enough to prove everyone wrong,
i hope you get through in one piece x

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Mon 02-Mar-09 13:12:07

I'm 23 weeks and am having around 5 hours sleep a night as either wake up at 4am or DD does, and then i can't get back to sleep. Have some time today to rest as put DD in to nursery, been lying here for 3 hours and can't sleep, now got to go and pick her up! Went for a haircut this morning, had to leave after shampooing with dripping wet hair because I thought I was going to be sick or fall over.

Feel so much more tired than last time and so pathetic. Been eating brilliantly, exercising, looking after myself, doing all the 'right' things but I feel so so so tired. My blood pressure is low.

I had antenatal depression last time and worried that it's coming back again.

Good to know other people feel like this... Well not good, iykwim, but at least I'm not an oddity.

Was wondering, as I wake up at 4am but I NEED to sleep more, do you think going to bed at 8 or 9pm every night is madness? Would it get me into the worst possible cycle?

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Mon 02-Mar-09 13:00:01

I'm completely shite at this pregnancy stuff. Been off work since 9 weeks (before that was on annual leave for wedding/honeymoon). Am 15 weeks now and feel like it will never get better. Have antenatal depression, constant nausea, and vomiting episodes that exhaust me. The GP is sick of seeing me because I just cry. Had to go back on antidepressants which aren't even working anyway.

I hate everyone who tells me 'it's supposed to be better now'. It isn't.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sun 01-Mar-09 14:45:25

Thank heavens I've found this website! Very early days of first pregnancy, and was thinking I was the only person feeling this awful - constant nausea, feeling like I've got the flu, no energy, just want to lie in bed. Emotionally negative, unexcited and panicky. Don't know how I'm going to carry on working full time feeling so rubbish so early on. So I'm not on my own after all... others DO understand. Thank you so much! x

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Tue 24-Feb-09 21:42:58

If you feel like you want to take early maternity leave then do it! Sod everyone else. I felt really emotionally ill with my first pregnancy- if that makes sense- physically I was fine but I took maternity leave as early as possible, I couldn't stand the stress of work any longer. It was heaven!

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Thu 19-Feb-09 20:27:42

I am totally totally rubbish at being pregnant! I don't have any really awful symptons - very short bout a nausea this time - and I don't even know what SPD is, so I clearly never had that! I just feel really tired and don't like it one bit. I have so little energy I feel I really lose a huge part of who I am. I'm normally cheerful and contented, but when I feel utterly drained and exhausted after a day that I know wasn't really too demanding workwise, I just turn into a miserable grump. I hate it!!

I was very sore after a quick and rather early birth last time and the baby was neither easy or hard - just a typical newborn, feeding lots and sleeping lots. For days I just kept say - wow - this is soooo much better than being pregnant. I feel myself again! It was brilliant. May the same happen this time - only 28 weeks to go .... sigh .........

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Thu 19-Feb-09 14:23:35

addictedtoharibo I have felt exactly the same, I'm not sure when it started but for sure the last three months have been truly awful. (Now week 24 of pg).
It's only last week that I started feeling better, when I started putting less pressure on myself to be everywhere and do everything. I just can't do as much and I have accepted that now.

I did wonder if I was depressed. I couldn't focus on work and was not efficient at all.

Work was stressfull, some important people let me down badly making me take on more work, family situation was bad and the 20w scan was a disaster.

Luckily dh's has been really helpful and understanding.
I've voiced how I felt and determined what I wanted and didn't want clearly.

I really hope that this was the worst. I wouldn't say I am blooming but I am definitely more able to cope now and I feel normal again.

I hope it passes for you too.
It is a good idea to talk to your midwife about how you feel, I ended up in tears at one of our meetings and mine was really helpful.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Thu 19-Feb-09 10:40:49

I feel so much better for reading this and realising that I am not a total wimp, and that it is normal to feel so bad. What really gets me is that no one understands how bad I feel, so I don't get any sympathy. My dh keeps worrying about how we will cope with a toddler and a baby, and when I say it will be a peice of cake compared to being pregnant he thinks I am mad or just making it up. I think I would feel so much better if he could just understand what it is like. I too get frustrated by the fact that if a non pregnant person was that ill for so long people would expect them to stay in bed until they felt better, but if you are pregnant you just have to get on with it.
OP - remember it is your MILs job to make you feel inadequate. Don't ask me why but they just seem to feel the need to do it. I have had no sympathy for how I feel, but when my dh told her on the phone he had a headache she rang back the next day to see if he felt any better. When I BF my first it made me feel absolutely exhausted, but she kept telling me how she was doing the gardening and other jobs taking a break to BF now and again and had no problems!
Ahh - feel a bit better for that

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Wed 18-Feb-09 01:51:31

OMG - reading this comes at the perfect time for me. I've been feeling miserable and so uncomfortable in my body, it feels so alien and I'm really struggling to get used to it. I am 5 months and amazed/horrified at what is happening to me. It is incredibly comforting to know that there are others out there who just don't suit or like pregnancy.

Plus, I totally empathize with writing a PhD (I finished mine in December) or any academic study - such a challenge and arguably messes with your emotions AS MUCH (particularly on some days) as being pregnant (well it seems to have done for me).

So yes, TRUST yourself - physically and academically. Thanks for posting this!

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Tue 20-May-08 08:44:22

Starlight - "NHS mis-management-depression" - what a fantastic phrase. In hindsight I think I had AND last time. I had an awful midwife until 28 weeks who told me that being sick 10 times a day at 25 weeks was normal and I should consider myself lucky that I wasnt like a mum she had looked after years ago who couldnt swallow her own saliva. She then told me I hadnt lost any weight (was still a stone less at this point) and that I just had to learn to get on with things. All you want - and especially in your first pregnancy - is someone to hold your hand through it and comfort you and she made me despise her.

This time I am managing a lot better - in terms of realising it will stop, there will be a baby at the end of it etc etc so am doing better. But I also feel like you in that I just cant be bothered with health professionals. I know my lovely doctor is there if I need her and am always doing my best to get out of and delay midwife appointments as I dont see the point - can check my blood pressure at home fine.

I am absolutely dreading this turning into pnd again though - last time after the birth I just collapsed emotionally and was quite traumatised by the whole thing. I felt cheated of this wonderful pregnancy experience that everyone seemed to have and any programmes with a pregnant mum enjoying herself made me cry. Im doing my best to stay more in control this time but that feeling of being a "wimp" or a failure just wont go away which is stupid i know.

Our circumstances sadly sound so similar.

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Anyone else feel a bit rubbish at pregnancy?