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We've started thinking about choosing a school for our son, who is now 8, for when he's aged 11-18. Somewhere not far from London (or with good links to London) would be ideal - Surrey, Sussex, Oxford etc. - and the school should preferably be mixed/co-ed and offer weekly boarding as well as full-time boarding. Any suggestions, as well as comments on your own/your child's schools welcome! (I like the look of Charterhouse, which is being talked about in another thread, but we'd like to check out at least 5-6 schools before we make our decision - we have some time!) Thanks.
I went to King's School Canterbury for sixth form and really enjoyed it (great uniform too!) but I don't know if it does weekly boarding. Definately lots of music and drama going on there. My brother went to Leigton Park (near Reading) which my mother loved - it's a Quaker school so has quite a different ethos to many, but it may be only girls in the sixth form.
Leighton Park (website here) is certainly worth a look - very inclusive and "different" - DB loved it. I loathed the whole idea of boarding myself and went elsewhere.
Is your ds at a prep school - many of the boarding schools don't start until 13 (pre test at 10/11, Common Entrance at 13). You can move him to a prep school at 11, but most boys will be in prep from 7-13.
Or are you looking specifically at schools which go from 11-18?
Unfortunately he's not at a prep school as we're still living abroad. Our plan is to move back when he's 10/11 so that he can start at a UK boarding school then. If we really, really, really like a school that only starts at 13, we would try to get him into my old prep school or another prep school to fill in those couple of years (we don't know where we're going to be living yet but it will most likely be London or the area around London, or even abroad again, which is why we'd like him to have the stability of a boarding school from 11/13 until 18).
Louise2004 just popped on to check my own school thread and saw yours. We like Charterhouse because it's local to the area we want to move too. But I've got family with kids at Winchester and they are super boys who seem to love it there. Also have mates who loved Millfield, Malborough, Eton and Harrow, but they aren't all in your area. Also Millfield is very sporty I think so might not suit. Just wanted to tell you about a website I found useful for a general overview. It's tatlers good schools guide. Can't remember the exact address but if you literally type that into google it will come up. Covers all the main schools and has links to their websites. Have a look and sure it will help. Would love to hear your thoughts on which you liked and why. Good luck!
Royal Russell and Caterham are really day schools with boarding houses attached rather than boarding schools as such. And not particularly academic (well Caterham is more so than RR).
The one thing that did appeal about RR though was that they do allow ad hoc boarding. I had visions of putting the dcs into board for a fortnight whilst jetting off to the Carribean!
But if you're considering Charterhouse or Winchester than RR/Caterham are nowhere near the same league.
That would be my main comment, really - if the intention is for DS to board, then choose a school which is predominantly boarding, rather than as LadyMuck describes it "day schools with boarding houses attached" - boarders at these sort of schools get the worst of both worlds (as, IMHO, do day pupils at "proper" boarding schools)
Try if he's cleer to get one in the top 20 schools if you can for exam results, Times table 2007 which is schools like for boarding Westminster (6) St Paul's (5) , Eton (10), Winchester, Harrow (30), Radley (54), Charterhouse (58) Rugby (86), Marlborough (89).
But I think boarding is psychologically damaging and often morally wrong for that reason.
We know a family whose boys both board at Wellington College (berkshire I think). They love it and I understand it's very progressive in lots of ways. The headteacher is the guy who made his name at Brighton.
I'm not sure of it's league position, maybe Xenia can help
Think it all depends on the child. My dh was a boarder as were many of his friends and you couldn't meet a more well rounded, stable group of guys. Obviously don't know them all very well, but I can tell you my own DH doesn't have any 'issues' as a result of his schooling. He loved it - as did all his friends. Having said that I'm sure there are children it wouldn't suit, but to say it is generall damaging I think is a touch unfair. I think it can do many children and families over all, the world of good. Like anything you have to do what you feel is best for your child and in many cases I'm sure boarding is just that.
Would also say that the most unsettled children at my boarding school were the weekly boarders - they never settled and spent the whole time wishing their lives away to the weekend.
That's what I mean - everyone is differnt. I feel so sorry for kids who did come out feeling that their parents neglected them, but there are plenty of others who were weekly boarders and loved every minute of being with their mates and the cameradory (sp?) that comes with boarding school. It's not always a bad thing. And it gives parents breathing space too. I think the whole family appreciates the time they have togther more, argues less and has fewer issues than those who have teenagers at day school. That's from what I've seen anyway.
As you say, you have to choose what's right for you. Personally, I don't want 'breathing space' from my children. Being away from them during the day is enough for me and them. I like to think that home is a refuge from the outside, whether that be school or work. We can come home, relax, de-stress, eat together (very important IMO) and discuss anything we need/want to.
My view are coloured by my father, a psychiatrist. Loads of patients damaged for life. There's a boarding school survivors association even and people talk about getting through it, coping and build up a kind of hard outer shell because the people who loved you rejected you and thus it is hard to form close emotional attachments in the future. Obviously that's more likely with early boarding. Better to change jobs and move to England than live abroad and send your children to board here.
As for Wellington, not on this Times 100 which weirdly the Times did not put on line in November. Wellington has has some good PR recently, happiness lessons etc
Cushioncover if you don't mind me asking - what age are your children? Just that, from experience, life with an eight year old can be a lot more pleasant than with a 15 year-old! I think when they are little kids need to be at home with their parents, hence the reason we are only considering it from 12/13 onwards. But to be honest I think a lot of the issues children who feel neglected have come from their families - i.e. not the fault of boarding school. If you have a great, loving family to come home to every weekend and have fab hols with then I don't think there will be issues/probs.
Weekly boarding doesn't always give you complete weekends with your DCs as most boarding schools will have lessons until lunch time Saturday, then pupils may stay on for sports or other activities - so parents can't pick up until Saturday tea time. Then there may be compulsory chapel on occasional Sundays at some schools or DofE activities and the pupil has to be back anyway for Sunday evening or a very early morning start on Monday.
Thanks for all your suggestions. I'll check the school links and the school guides mentioned. You've all been a great help!
That's a good point about Saturday lessons and sports and Sunday chapel, Lilymaid (I thought about the Saturday stuff, but forgot about the possibility of compulsory chapel on Sundays - oops...!). Thanks!
Hmm - I tend to agree with what the others have said about boarding to be honest.
I had a boyfriend who was a boarder at a 'top 100' and (IMHO) he had serious issues with forming relationships, and also had a rather strange relationship with his parents.
We have some friends who recently moved their son OUT of Charterhouse because he disliked the boarding aspect (I don't know the full story) but I think he was a weekly boarder, so there may have been that sense of 'neither one thing or another'? He's now at an independent grammar, and my friend says he is a 'changed child'.
I went to Uni with a lot of boys who were ex-Eton/ Winchester/ Stowe /Repton etc and they always seemed quite guarded about what they said about school life - never damning it completely, but nor enthusing. They are all amongst my 'weirdest' friends.... DH went to an independent grammar (day) school, and even he hated all the Saturday stuff.
Anyway, each to their own, and my kids are still youngish, so who knows - we threathen them with boarding school when they're naughty!
There is not really the emotional closeness with most weekly boarding or time to cry or cuddle your mother or confide in your parents because you have to keep up a front when they visit you for the rather remote visit whilst you play sport on saturday afternoon etc.
Dolly, mine are still young so I cannot compare though I'm 100% sure that my sentiments will not change. Even when all 3 of us were teenagers and used the house like a hotel, the one rule was being home for dinner. We talked about our day, parents about theirs. I loved it and want that for my family. Of course there were days were one or other of us couldn't make it but as a general rule, we tried to.
Personally, I think weekly boarding is the least attractive option. Children willfit into neither campand may feel excluded. Also the Saturday morning activities and chapel on Sunday to consider as others have mentioned.
An independent grammar is an option, as we've heard good things about them - but we still would need boarding. Are they only day schools, or do some offer a boarding option? Thanks.
My DD went to Kent College, Canterbury but it's had 2 changes of Head since she was there. Their rivals St Edmunds across the road have a good reputation.
Independent grammar is really just any independent school. I don't think it is a particular kind. They are probably more likely to be day. Thinking of say Manchester Grammar which is all day boys.
There are also UK state boarding schools by the way which is much much cheaper. You just pay the boarding food element and not the tuition fees.
Cranbrook Grammar School in Cranbrook, Kent is a 13+ grammar school (grant maintained) that offers boarding. Education is free and you just pay for boarding. Has excellent results and a place is much wanted around these parts.
One of the schools we will look at for my ds when he gets into year 7 at his prep school.
My nephew is a weekly boarder and it works very well for him, but the school he goes to only offers daily or weekly boarding (ie no weekends). He appears to have a very good relationship with his parents (he is 15 though!). I chose to board at sixth form precisely to have breathing space from my parents!
Interesting, my DS2 wants to weekly board - as he is now only 8 I couldn't bear to let him go, but I could see the possibility @ 13. A friend of mine boarded full time fro the age of 7, hated it, and he does appear to be damaged by it, guarded, undemonstrative, divorced...
I think the difference between boarding at 8 and boarding at 13 is vast. At 13 they are almost able to make a reasoned decision, although I would still discourage it.
I know a woman who was a SAHM before her children went to school, worked whilst they were at primary and became a SAHM again when they went to secondary. She made a conscious decision to do this, feeling that they needed her there at that age more than any. I'm not sure if I agree or not but I found her reasoning interesting.
Nooka, boarding for 6th form is fine and can be useful especially for a 16yr old with lots of noisy, younger siblings.
My ds is eight and I could no way imagine him going away, even for weekly boarding. My brother found it tough enough at thirteen. My nephew has two siblings with severe learning disabilities, and I think quite enjoys being completely "normal" during the week. At his day school before that he didn't ever mention his sibilings or have anyone to his house to play (there were other issues too). Now he is quite happy to have friends over at the weekend, and I think it is because boarding school has enabled him to be himself more.
Oh God I know I shouldn't add to this thread but bollocks to all the stuff about damage and rejection - that's a) relating to present day adults not modern boarding schools and b) I deal on a daily basis with damaged and rejected children from all walks of life, educational backgrounds and family set ups and there really isn't a simple answer to why a child feels rejected or is caused to be distant from love and care on a daily basis. Three of my dcs board, with 2 at King's Canterbury. They all love it, and the 16year old keeps threatening to come on here and put their own point of view across . They bloody know how much they are loved.
On Cranbrook a few posts back I would say that it is a brilliant grammar school (but more exclusive than King's because of its catchment area) but the boarding is pants and the pastoral care is not great. If you want full on boarding you need to find a school that supports the children 100% of the time.
Hey SalVolatile, is King's still good? I had a great time there (almost twenty years ago now!) and when I get the OKS stuff the development the school has been through (girls right through, new houses etc) looks fab.
Hear hear SalVolatile, there are many many "damaged" people in life, a smattering of whom will have gone to boarding school. Doesn't mean one caused the other.
I find it very hard to believe that anyone who attended boarding school from say the 1970's onwards and came from a happy well adjusted family with a loving childhood could be left "damaged" by boarding school. Yes there is a "boarding school survivors association" but how many support groups/ online groups are there for people left scarred by their experiences in state education?
Many children are still damaged by boarding. Parents comfort themselves with silly statemtenst like there is more contact with parents during term now or the duvets are thicker or the beds more comfortable or the children aren't beaten any m ore but none of those things removes the rejection element, the fact you cannot touch and see your parents on a daily basis and the hard carpace you have to build up over yourself to steel yourself in the future in case others that you come to love reject you as your parents do. I am not saying all children are like that and Sal obviously doesn't think hers are but why on earth take the risk? You can often see the difference in people you relate to who were sent to board too in their future relationships, how they deal with other people too.
Well ds1 is a weekly boarder and loves it. he started at his new school aged 13. he doesn't have to board but chose to. Tbh I wasn't keen at first, but I'm 100% confident he is happy. He knows he can be a day boy if he wants. It is true that the usual cliches do apply; eg really enjoying them more when they are at home etc.
That said, I'm sure he didn't board to "get away from an unhappy home". He simply says he can get more out of the school experience (it's an academic place with a long school day and Saturday morning school), and loves being with us and 3 younger siblings at weekends.
We all know our own children and if we are honest with them and are honest with ourselves as to why boarding is being considered, then it is surely beneficial ?
It's a sort of parallel to the yawn old sahm/wohm debate. Either is fine if done through honest analysis of what is best for the family as a whole. There are depressed sahms, those (like me) who love it, wohm who do valuable work and have excellent loving childcare set up, some work grudgingly out of financial necessity, and some who are quite clear they are out at work because their young children are "hard work", "boring" or both. I certainly won't be told I'm neglecting my teenager emotionally by letting him board, when it's seen as totally normal in some circles to talk in front of young children about "getting back to work" before one "stagnates" at home with one's children.
To say "many children are still damaged by boarding" falls into the same category as saying "many children are damaged by divorce" or "many children are damaged by having two full time working parents". Or indeed any other statement which doesn't happen to reflect one's own parenting decisions.
Forgot to say ds1 is 14. One big benefit for a previously rather disorganised dreamy boy is that he is learning, in a supportive environment, to organise his work in a sensible way, and as a result his self confidence has grown. Yes all that could happen at home too, or maybe it's his age - don't they say sometimes that around adolescence these dreamy kids get a bit more together ?- but he can genuinely feel that his academic achievements are down to him; no parents checking up the whole time, etc. The boys work in their own rooms and if work isn't done in time, it's all down to them. So they just get on with it !
Outside of that, they are allowed out at certain times, and ds1 loves going out with a bit of pocket money to buy pizzas and hot chocolate (yes he gets fed but this is extra !) with his friends. Very sociable, whereas for example on say a Tuesday evening at home he wouldn't have that hour or two of socialising; it would be too hard to organise on top of the homework. Where do most teenage boys want to be ? Hanging out with their mates surely ?
Well said miobombino. Anyone who has even a passing acquaintance with teenagers at a good boarding school can see how beneficial it can be. Of course some children won't enjoy it but I'd like to see the evidence that demonstrates that the proportion of children unhappy at boarding school is any higher than the proportion of children at say an inner city comp.
Well as I'm 44 and went to boarding school as did virtually all my contemporaries, I have actually.
I really struggle to believe that people who went to a good boarding school aged 11 or more suffer proportionately more from "issues" than any other form of schooling. Some kids just aren't happy in their teenage years in the educational establishment of their parent's choosing, whichever that happens to be.
From my own experience, people are far more scarred emotionally though bullying at school and divorce than boarding school per se.
I don't have a survey but a lot of children are so affected. Fewer parents are now prepared to send children away particularly at a young age because we are better at psychology these days. Whilst I accept many teenage boys want to be with their friends i think they need a daily escape to their own families to give them a better sense of perspective and a different view.
My under was sent to board at 3 which is hardly credible now because he was jealous of his new baby brother. Thankfully our knowledge of psychology has come on a long way since the 1920s when he was born.
I have other objections to boarding too. Often the schools get worse results than the good academic day schools so you're paying for a worse education in many boarding schools although if it's Eton, Wycombe Abbey etc then that is not so - instead the day schools are comparable or just a little bit better. Secondly you lose too much parental influence and can be if you're a weak child influenced more by your peers into smoking, drinking and drugs than if you were home every night exposed to your parents' moral values. I did find more of my children's friends who boarded smoked for example than those at my children's day private schools.
http://www.boardingrecovery.com/ "BOARDERS is a group of accredited psychotherapists and trained counsellors who specialize in working with 'boarding school survivors'. These are ex-boarders whose emotional damage often lies hidden until at some point in their adult lives it re-surfaces in the form of depression, burn out, marital problems or alcohol/drug abuse.
They are often very competent, high-achieving individuals who may be acutely uncomfortable about asking for help. For the most part, they are unconscious of the fact that they are suffering from a specific, common syndrome treatable by a variety of psychotherapeutic approaches.
Adults who were sent away to boarding school from their family homes often learnt to endure unacceptably brutal interpersonal practices ... When these kinds of trauma emerge in adulthood in the form of stress related disease, inability to sustain meaningful intimate sexual relationships, and mental and emotional breakdowns, adults often don't even know how to begin to acknowledge their long-hidden pain to themselves, let alone talk to someone else (such as their medical practitioner) about their suffering. This, as we know from the psychological research evidence, often leads to further psychosomatic difficulties in terms of overworking to the point of burnout, multiple serious health problems, and drug and alcohol misuse. -- Petruska Clarkson BMJ, Vol. 322, 31/3/01, reviewing Duffell, N. (2000) The Making of Them: The British Attitude to Children and the Boarding School System."
Chocolatedot, miobombino and salvolitile - thanks so much for posting on here and echoing my views but with the actual experience to back it up!
I'm really pleased to read your balanced opinions. What you say about your children really enjoying and benifiting from boarding is exactly what my dh has said all along and his circle completley back this up.
I bet you have charming, wellrounded, confident boys who will certainly not be damaged individuals - as all the men I've met who attended such schools are just that. All my friends who board (bar one actually because his parents divorced while he was away - wonder what that says?!) loved it and didn't want to come home at the end of term because they had so much fun! Of course they had lovely happy family lives, but as one of you said - what teenage boy doesn't want to hang out with his mates?
Thanks for reassuring me that I am not a bad, selfish mother (to be) for planning to send her son to boarding school and - rather than hating me for it - he will probably thanks me!
No offence to WiiMii's nephew (obviously one can't generalise about all the kids in a school), but my dh taught part-time at Bradfield for a while and the kids were seriously thick!
SalVolatile - slight hijack, but in general vein of this thread.... my DS is at Junior King's and DD is down to go there too. Do your DC's think that day pupils at the senior school are marginalised because they don't board? I had intended to have my DC's go on a day pupil basis, but then noticed recently that over 80% board, and this question has been preying on my mind recently..... I wonder if the day pupils miss out socially? I totally see MB's point about pizza etc. Is weekly boarding the solution?
Hi WiiMii, no obviously not. I knew that was going to come out wrong. DH taught A'level (in a less 'obvious' subject - hence the need to 'buy him in', iykwim) and his experience was that they were mostly kids who probably wouldn't have been entered for A'levels at all in the state system. He did alot of extra tuition with several of them to get them Ds at A'level (for which they were very grateful).
However, it's a beautiful school in a beautiful setting, and I gather it has really superb facilities for music/drama/sport. DH's experience would suggest that it's perhaps not the most academic (perhaps only in the Sixth Form), but his experience might not have been representative.
Genuinely no offence meant.... (I went to a highly un-academic, very small, very poxy independent school from which I was the only girl to go to University in about 10 years, so it would be extraordinarily pots-and-kettles!)
That's ok Ellbell. In my original post I made no claim to Bradfield being a highly academic choice. What I said was that my nephew is very happy there which is my primary concern when looking for a school.
My sister hadn't even considered him boarding but when looking for his next school they found their choices at day schools to be very limited. They went to look at Bradfield and were all taken with what a lovely school it is with excellent facilities and sports opportunities (he is very sporty).
Her DS is in his second year there and really enjoys it - he's come on brilliantly on a personal level and academically is doing very well too - he's just taken his mock GCSEs a year early and done amazingly well .
Everyone's criteria when choosing a school will be different but Bradfield has worked for my sister's family.
Dolly1 glad we could help. The one thing I've learned above all as a parent of 4 is that it pays to be open minded about your children's needs. Tbh when ds1 was born I'd have been surprised if a soothsayer had told me he'd be at boarding school as a teen.
But I have been very pleasantly surprised by how well it is working out. And no, Xenia, I don't think he'll end up just "surviving" with some kind of emotional carapace surrounding him until the end of his days.
He is a warm affectionate boy and always has been. That can't be undone at this stage. He sometimes phones during the week, and even if he is surrounded by friends within earshot - eg in the lunch queue - he invariably ends the conversation by saying "Bye, I love you". That's not the hallmark of emotional damage.
Nooka - yes, we all think it's great! squiffy both ds have day and boarding friends, but I am certain that the day pupils have access to wild parties and other 'distractions' that the boarders can't access so easily . Close friend of mine put son in as day boy and after year wanted him to board but he no longer wants to as he knows his movements will be more closely watched - so they are now moving into Canterbury to keep tabs on him . Socially IMO it is better for them to board as they get the most out of the school - and I've just asked eldest ds and he's texted boarding - no contest!
WiiMii... It's in a gorgeous location, and the boys my dh tutored (they used to come to our house) were sweet boys. But, as a teacher, he did despair of them!!
Might be worth thinking about your view on the A-levels/IB thing too - eg Sevenoaks has a very good IB reputation (they were one of the first schools to do it I think so now very experienced), but increasing numbers are taking them up out of dissatisfaction with A-levels.
I boarded from 15. My long-suffering mother had always said "no child of mine is going to boarding school unless they turn round and ask"! I loved it, but then I had had a really miserable time at school for years before that, and transferred to an extremely academic public school which was perfect for me at the time. I don't think boarding is necessarily problematic, and indeed can be brilliant, but I do think that the danger with it is that if it does go wrong, it has the potential to be peculiarly damaging. If you're bullied or ostracised at a day-school - as I was for years - at least you still have a life and a space outside it. There are two things you should be realistic about: once you go away to school, you have 'left home' in some sense - obviously not as completely as for university or whatever, but it is a shift, not necessarily a bad one, that you can't really undo. And don't be naive about what even quite young teenagers get up to in boarding houses - I had far much more exposure to drugs of all kinds at boarding school than I did at day school or at any point at university, even though I never experimented with them myself.
May I say that I think that students who are suited to boarding have a good time because they are allowed to socialise the way adults other than their own parents feel is appropriate and have that little bit more freedom. The person holding the doorkey has seen hundreds if not thousands of kiddies through and knows where the limits are whereas a parent has the one child going through the experience at a time, and may say no you're not going out tonight, whereas the school person would be more likely to say it was ok because of not having the same worry? Does that make sense? I know we weren't allowed out even when friends of the same age were whereas the boarders were.
I agree that the IB is a very imporant consideration and another very good reason for choosing Boarding.
Xenia, boarding a second rate education?? Where does that leave Winchester, Westminster, Eton, Wycombe and a myriad of others?. In any event anyone who genuinely has children at these sort of schools understands that it is all about choosing the right school for your child, not perusing league tables. Interestingly, the newish headmaster of Eton has had 3 complaints from parents about the school's position in the League Tables - all that it is too high!!.
It's just a cliche that modern Boarding damages children in a broad sense; of course it doesn't suit everybody and personally I think anything before 11 is too young. There is no evidence however to suggest that it is proportionately more damaging than any other form of education. The enduring popularity of British boarding schools is after all self evident, particularly as a large proportion of parents will have been boarders themselves. Do people seriously believe that it would continue to flourish for any other reason that for the vast majority of children, it's a wonderful experience.
I agree with Xenia re: boarding. I have a wonderful, loving family who made a lot of sacrifices to give me what they thought was the best education.
I hated it, but my lovely parents had no idea. I insisted that I was fine and having a great time. I don't know why I did this.
There is a relentlessness about boarding school. There's nowhere to hide if you're having a bad time. It only got a bit better for me when I earned some kudos by getting into trouble
I would also say that many of my school mates who were apparently happy have admitted that they too hated it. And the ones who still talk fondly of their school days are utter meat-heads.
I gave school placements above. Eton is 10th and schools like St Paul's North London Collegiate are above it. Westminster is 6. Most of the schools in the top 20 are day private. None are state. from my quick look it looks like 3 or 4 only are boarding. There are also many many substandard boarding schools where virtually anyone can get in and there is no competition for places. Some of those suit not so clever children of course but in general the better schools for exams (and your mental health!) are day privates.
As AA says children insist they are fine,often. How can you say not if your parent is paying and saying all the time how lucky you are? Who wants to admit they cannot cope so even people on this thread who say their children love it may be deluded. Why take the risk and at the same time not have your children around each day.
I bet adrenalin levels are higher. There is no respite. I accept some peopel think they make friends for life but it's like friends you make in extreme circumstances, under fire in a war zone, friends who shared the rejection you suffered by your parents etc. Why pay to damage your child?
Boarding is not continuing to flourish. Day pupils are being taken on. Girls admitted to boys schools. Places unfilled at many schools and although parents paying at day schools has increased it is at the expense of boarding as parents know how damaging it can be.
Hampton School is a pretty decent former grammar, if you decided not to board him. Not a bad place to live either. My husband went there and doesn't seem too damaged.
Consider Sherborne in Dorset. It is all boys but there are close links with the girls school (Sherborne Girls) in the town. Good train links from London and easy access off the A303.
I don't know what Anglo-European College in Hockerill is like, but it is a state boarding school that offers the IB. You only pay the boarding fees (the teaching is sate funded).
I do also happen to know that Kings International College for Business and the Arts in Camberley does the IB as well (state kinda comprehensive but no boarding).
Camberley is not too bad a place to live. I am planning to send ours to our local 6th form college to do the IB, free and gratis.
I used to live in the village where Wellington College is -the pupils met up with the local kids in the park across the road from the school, to swap...er substances. Also Sherborne has a bit of a reputation.
Overall boarding numbers have been rising since 2003. Obviously the top performing schools will always be London / big city based simply because of their cathcment areas. In any event, the latest league table suggests that Boarding schools have 5/ 20 of the top places, this demonstrates that they are in fact punching above their weight given the relative numbers of Day versus Boarding places. Without wishing to sound like a broken record, league tables are in any event broadly immaterial for parents looking for the right school for their child.
Anyway, no point debating with someone who suggests someone is deluded even if they say they loved boarding. Talk about a closed mind.
Some children and teenagers will say they are okay at school when they aren't, that's my only point and who wants to admit they were psychologically damaged and may be people don't even realise that they are?
But obviously many people are fine with boarding. I never said 100% were hurt by it but why risk your child being within that damaged percentage? Just seems a massive risk to run.
Actually, for my brother, boarding was far better than being at home- neither was ideal but at least he had relative peace and quiet at school and no barking parents around. It must depend on a family's circumstances and the individual child. I knew people at university who had boarded from 6 or 7, even 11 and to describe them as institutionalised doesn't quite do credit to the word. Others boarded from 13, 15 or 16 and seemed absolutely unscathed. Again, courses for horses.
My dd boards 2 nights per week at the moment (aged 11) She started 1 night per week two terms ago on her own request because friends did it who were in the swim team (as is she) and they attend evening training.
Swim training is now 2 nights per week and she boards both those nights. She genuinely loves it.
This is a prep school a few miles from home.
I believe she likes the independence from home and the camaraderie of being with her peers (she has no siblings at home)
Out of interest, what do people think of working parents who choose to use after school clubs on a daily basis and nurseries for holiday care. This can mean that a 5 year old is in "institutional care" between 8am and 6pm 5 days a week in term time and out of term time for all but about 4 weeks of the year. Boarding School kids get an average of 14 weeks a year holiday home with their parents in addition to weekends.
Not trying to be controversial, just genuinely interested as I know a few 5 / 6 year olds in this position (Nursery stops taking them at 9). It also removes the element of class from the debate on boarding schools which always clouds things.
chocolate- my sister's two (aged 4 & 6) are in exactly that situation of 7:45am to 6pm nursery/ school + wraparound care clubs. She is seriously thinking about trying to get them into Christ's Hospital for secondary just so they can have some time to themselves...
I'm just interested as people seem to assume that chldren who board lack emotional down-time with their parents and it seems to me that this could potentially apply to a lot of children, not just boarders. One couple I know whose kids are in this situation get home at 6.30pm and the kids are asleep by 7 as they have such an early start in the morning.
Also, at secondary level, almost all public schools have Saturday schooling while after school music, drama and sport mean they're often not home until 7.30 ish. Taking into account the pressures on working parents and homework, one wonders how much time there really is left over during the week.
It's been mentioned but Christs Hospital is lovely AND they assess suitablility for boarding so if they don't think you child will cope or do well boarding they won't have them.
Hampton School does look good, thank you, Duchesse. It's also in the area we're thinking of, which could work out well - although the final decision as to whether he can go to a day school really depends on my husband's job requirements at the time - boarding looks more likely at the moment, but it's always good to have a "Plan B" ready!
Does anyone know if there are any other good grammar schools (preferably co-ed)? Also, do any offer boarding options? (Having looked at some of the search links given, it seems that some schools offer flexible boarding, which could be another good alternative.)
We did like to get ours home if possible. The twins are home by 4.10pm and school ends at 4. They are then in their house with siblings, me or the nanny. Also even if the parents get home at 6 or 7 one or other parent in most cases has usually got a bed time routine with the child, chance to hear about bullying in the day, chance for cuddles, touch etc you don't get at boarding school.
Our older children took school coaches and when they were say 11 - normal boarding sort of age one of them probably did come home on the school late coach once or twice a week after a swimming match or whatever and get home at 5.30ish. But that still meant she was with us and talking to us for the next 3 hours. Also even if both parents work until late in the weke and the nanny puts them to b ed which is actually very rare with working parents, even then the child is at home usually with an adult they are bonded with and have the escape of the house rather than being in the prison of the school... of course if you're damaged in the home as a lot of children are my view goes completely out of the window.
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