poor you. you are very brave!!

keep relying on us MNers to help you through and your DH who sounds like a good guy

ignore you mil. she's a twat

take as much time as you need and dont follow anybody elses guidelines, this is your life and your emotions not anybody elses

i hope you feel stronger soon x

is it safe to use dihydrocodein in pregnancy

i've been thinking about you too.
so glad you have the best dh ever. imagine if he was useless ?!

enjoy your holiday and take care of you, dh and dd. xx

Sorry to hear about what happened overnight.

I hope that you are getting the chance to rest and recover MIL-less.

Best wishes.

So sorry to hear this, I had been thinking about you. What an awful experience. I hope they were kind to you in the hospital.

You are absolutely right - the best thing you can do from here on is be very good to yourself, dh and dd and give yourself loads of time to heal. Take care

((((((HUGS))))))

TMMIL, I'm so sorry for your loss, and for what you've had to go through. You are absolutely right to take a break - losing a baby is absolutely devastating. I lost my first dd at 21 weeks almost 3 years ago, and just had a mmc which turned out to be a molar pregnancy. Thought I was doing ok, because it was so different to dd1, so much earlier and all that, but it hit me hard last week, and I had to take leave just to be sad and fed up. We had a lovely holiday after losing dd1 - the best holiday ever, oddly enough - and it did me a lot of good. I hope you have a good break, recover, and your MIL comes to her senses somehow.

Your post has just made me cry, TMMIL, I'm so sad that you had to go through that, but glad you are sounding so strong, and that you have a lovely dh and dd to move forward with. Good luck and take care of yourself

Hi everyone.

Was admitted to hospital last night to monitor bleeding. After I left a message yesterday, went to the loo and everything came out- sac, clots, half my womb I think. So we went off to hospital to get checked over and to give them the sac (I have the best DH in the world- after sobbing hysterically, he fished OUR BABY out of the loo for me and boxed it up- all whilst retching uncontrollably) {grin]

Had a very distressing experience at the hospital- had clots manually removed from my cervix/womb/vagina with a huge pair of scissors with a view to going to theatre this morning if bleeding had not subsided. Luckily it did the trick despite it being the most degrading, distressing thing that has ever happened to me (think my legs being held open while I'm crying and asking them to stop ). I know the Dr was doing it for my own good cos the clots she removed were massive- it was just so distressing.

The bleeding has slowed now though thanks to that.

Hopefully this is the end of a very long sad episode.

I just want to say your support has been fantastic- both about MIL but also MMC in general. I dont think I would have got through it without support on this thread. I obviously still feel very sad and upset at losing my baby and it has been so traumatic, but now I feel I can start to mentally recover from it, now that the worst of the MC is over. When I lay in the hospital on my own last night I realised that for the past year+ I have been obsessed with getting pregnant and wanting a baby and I have forgotten what i have already got- a FAB DH and a beautiful DD. And after this god awful experience we are having a break and being kind to ourselves, going on holiday and generally enjoying eachother again.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is thank you for your help and I'm gonna be ok

So sorry

I think it might be a generational thing with your MIL. My mum had no support when she miscarried or when she had stillborn twins. She was treated very dismissively by all her family. When my SIL had a miscarriage a few years back mum was amazed by how much support she was offered. It might also be that your MIL is trying to be cruel to be kind - hoping that chivvying you will help you to get back to normal. For brisk, no-nonsense sort of people, that is they way they cope. Not helpful obviously and you or DH need to tell her so.

Hi TMMIL, have been lurking to see how you are, and just seen your posts from yesterday re how heavy the bleeding has been ! Please please call the epu. Mine told me to call them if I was having to change a pad more than every 20mins and it sounds like you're way beyond that. Waiting til the 999 stage is ridiculous and puts you at unnecessary risk.
Sorry if this is tmi, but this is what I was told: when your body is trying to pass something - like the sack or in my case the placenta, bleeding very heavily is your body's way of trying to flush it out (know how dreadful that sounds) Sometimes your body just can't do it on its own and that it when you need to think about an erpc. How would you feel aboue having one? I had one with my mmc and would DEFINITELY have one again if I have to. You do have to have a general, but I was literally under for less than 15mins. When I woke up there was no pain, I felt a bit tired but not too bad. I was bleeding, but nothing like what you are experiencing. For me, what you are going through sounds FAR more traumatic, and I think you've had more than enough trauma for now . You're only admitted as a day patient and your DH should be able to stay with you. I know everyone has different experiences of this and will have different opinons, all I can do is tell you mine. But please please call them, at the very least they should scan you to see if the sack has already passed.
Thinking of you today

Sorry for your loss, I haven't read the whole thread. Re bleeding I would call NHS direct now and call the EPU in the morning if you can.
I had a miscarrage 3 years ago, I was very fustrated that I couldn't 'snap out of it' and 'get over it' I had 2 and a half weeks off, and should have taken more. I found another website www.silentgrief.com very helpful, its very american christian, but was very comforting at the time, but I didn't know about mumsnet then!
The best advice I got was - you won't ever 'get over it, you will learn to live with it' Now mc affects everyone differently, it depends on how much you have bonded with your baby, I was knocked sideways, when I recently had my dd I cried again. I had a D&C. The due date was really hard, so was the anniversary of the mc, but it did get easier

have just read the whole thread from start to finish. so sorry for you TMMIL and for everyone else who has suffered like this.

take care of yourselves xxx

If you are flooding, passing large clots of feeling dizzy on standing, please ring the gynecology ward or EPAU where you have been seen for advice. Don't wait until you are at the stage of almost losing consciousness!

It might be a good idea to phone the hospital (or nhs direct) if the bleeding is really heavy, they might ask how often you are having to change pads (sorry if TMI), it might help if you are feeling really scared to talk to someone who can put your mind at rest.

Be kind to yourself, nobody can know how you feel, even if they have been through a miscarriage themselves, everybody is different, and no-one can predict how they will feel when they suffer any kind of a loss. I hope you are ok, and you take all the time you need.

and how does one dial 999 when they've passed out?

very sorry for your experience. there is certainly some good feedback and support and what to expect during this time here on this thread. as far as your MIL goes, i have experience in that department. i find it interesting that the woman doesn't say anything about your MC when DH is in the room. she probably thinks that your DH has to stay home because you are wimpy which is maybe why she doesn't comment on him taking time off. that generation does come from a time when these types of situations weren't discussed and you just sucked it up and got on with; don't bother your husband about it iykwim, which is likely why she doesn't talk about it in front of him (or she knows she'd get a bollocking from him). tell her to stick it up her arse and ban her till you feel better. watch lots of funny stuff and eat lots of comfort food.

It is very very heavy- but what is too heavy? The nurse said to me that if I pass out dial 999 I've not passed out.

TMMILOMY, have you considered phoning the hospital or NHS Direct? That does sound very heavy indeed. If it was me, I would want some professional advice.

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Please take care.

I am so sorry. Thank goodness you took the time off.

Thank you Daisy-and everyone else for your support.

Went to see the GP today and he signed me off for 2 weeks.

Today has absolutely been the WORST day. Bleeding very bad, pain excruciating. DH in his infinite wisdom invited a man round to value the house . I parked myself in the armchair thinking 'I'll just chill out while they talk figures then I'll go up to bed.' The cat jumps on me for a cuddle and starts doing that funny kneading thing that cats do- right on my tummy. The bloke got to the point of saying 'shall we put it on the market today?' and I suddenly felt the floodgates open. Swiped the cat off me and could just feel everything falling out of me. The pain was awful, the house went on the market and he talked for ages. He eventually went, I ran upstairs and there was just blood everywhere. DH put me in the bath with blood absolutely pumping out of me, he just had to keep letting the water out and refilling the bath. It was horrible. Its stopped now, am on the sofa with a hot water bottle. And the worst thing is, I dont think the sac has come away yet (god knows how I would know) so may have more to come and DH is back at work tomorrow. Sorry to put this on the AIBU thread but am just so shocked at what has happened today. I feel absolutely drained. And very very scared.

I'm so, so sorry, and really feel for you. Everyone here has given such good advice, but for what it's worth here's some more, if you still need it.

I had m/c in March, and after first scan at hospital the consultant came to explain what the ultrasound report meant and pretty categorically said to me 'You need to take two weeks off work. You might think you're OK before that but you'll find it hits you when you're not expecting it'.

There are just no rules as to how much time you'll need. For me that two weeks did turn out to be just about right, but that doesn't mean I was 'better', just more able to manage. It certainly helped that the doctor gave me 'permission' to take some proper time.

I really hope this thread has helped to ease some of the stress. If you need anyone to talk to, please come and join us on the mc avengers thread; we're always good for a hug and a piece of cake. Take care. xx

I am so sorry. I read an article in the Mail on Sunday's You magazine about one womans experiance of this yesterday. I know every one is different but it might help you to read it. Think you can look online at them.

Lots of hugs and sympathy, and agree with the others who suggest MIL is not the best company right now. Every person has a different physical (and emotional obv) experience. I've had 2 m/c's, both at 7-8 weeks. The first was very light just like a period, and the second was very long and very painful, and extremely draining. Every person and every experience is different, she is mad to suggest that you "should" be feeling a particular way. And don't feel guilty or wimpy for the way you are feeling, if you feel rough, that's more than enough of a reason for you to be taking it easy. And that's even without considering the emotional side, as it's bloody hard to be professional and normal when you're all over the place.

Ignore your MIL and try and keep out of her way, and look after yourself xxx

Hi, I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks (I guess it was a CP really, but can't bring myself to call it that). It was bad enough for me, I can't imagine what you're going through.

I carried on working as I didn't want to think about it. I was in the middle of a high pressure project at work and I thought it would take my mind off it.

I carried on like a robot, and the project was delivered successfully. But two weeks later I completely fell apart. Carrying on was the worst thing. I should have stayed at home crying in my dressing gown.

My MIL was rather insensitive too, but nothing like yours is being. She realised how bad she was being and apologised.

Please stay off work for as long as you need to. Take care of yourself xx

Thank you Emma. Its good to hear a GP point of view.

I'm really sorry that you're having to go through this.

As a GP, I wouldn't have to think twice about signing you off work for a bit in these circumstances. You are neither physically nor mentally well enough to be working at present. I hope it all goes OK for you tomorrow.

As for your MIL, she sounds like a really unpleasant bint.

Keep on with the hot water bottle then, but keep painkillers (and wine and chocolate!) on stand-by!
And get that DH of yours to keep his mother away from you for a while!

tmmiofmh - hope a good session with your friends really helps ..but try some nurofen plus or get gp to give you some dihydrocodeine. It was the only thing that helps at the god I don't want to move/bad bleeding stage.

The best thing I have found to be honest is a hot water bottle. fabulous. Why dont they hand them out in delivery suites?? I never realised the power of the hot water bottle til now- I truly realise the healing qualities of the rubber heat giver now.

You poor love.

I had a mc when I was 11wks pg, 3 years ago on June 14th, and one of the reasons why I don't see my ILs very much now, is because of something tactless my MIL said over the phone a few days afterwards (actually having dealt with her hissy fits over the years, it was the "straw that broke the camels back"!)

Your MIL should piss off take a long walk off a short pier! Get to the doctors tomorrow and get signed off, and don't give a stuff what she says.

Have you tried taking some paracetamol for the pain?

Have been for a big fat starbucks today which is exactly what I needed.

Pain has been hideous today and bleeding is like a floodgate has been opened but my 2 best friends are coming over soon and am looking forward to a backrub and a cry. I'm gonna try to convince them to change my always for me cos its doing my head in but not sure if their friendship goes that far!!

I felt so emotional earlier in the week but to be honest I feel really flat now. Like I've run out of tears. How heartless is that?

Not heard from MIL. Prob for the best. DH and DD are all I need right now.

so sorry to hear about your loss- agree with the various posts about keepign clear of your mil.How are you bearing up today?

I had 2 missed m/c and you absolutely do need that time off - I didn't take as much time off as I should and it took me much longer to get over it physically/mentally than it probably woudl have done if I'd stayed home.

and you're absolutely dead right - just cos lots of people have m/c doesn't mean that they are not absolutely hideous and devestating.

take good care of yourself xx

Just wanted to say hello and hope you are bearing up today

Ban your mother in law from the house until she can stop saying things that upset you.
Sorry to hear about your loss.

tmmilomh, the only opinions i care about are mine, dd then dh.
your dr better be extra nice to you then.
if he/she gives you any shit, tell him/her that you should of been sent for a scan when you where spotting, and your not at all pleased you weren't.

kate, im a big beliver of letting it out, nothing worse than repressed anger.
if someone says anything insenstive to me, i certainly let them know its not accepeotable.
then its gone and done, where as some people do say anything back but just interalise it so to speak iykwim?

Thanks milkgoddess - great name by the way! DH thinks I should be kinder to people and that they're only trying to help, he's probably right, but sometimes I'm not so sure! BF the other day: "well, at least you know you can have a baby" ME: "Yes, but I'm not sure it counts if they're dead"

Good luck tomorrow TMMIL - I reckon it might be time to cry hysterically until he gives you what you want to get rid of you! And fwiw I think not listening to anyone but yourself, your DH and MN is ABSOLUTELY the way to go! xx

kate, you how i justify my responses to cowbags like tmmilomy mil?
that im doing it for their own good!.
ive found its good to run out of patience with people who say insensitive things.

they shouldnt give it out if they cant take it back.....

i dont think ive seen any of your posts before, but then i have a v bad memory for posters names, but good luck to you

Will let you know. Dont wanna get upset- after all this is the Dr that turned me away when I went to see him with spotting

Little did I know that the baby was already gone then

I'm thinking that after all of this I need to get me a back bone and seriously stop listening to anybody but myself, DH and MN!!

community, but im about to hand in my notice to be a lady that lunches.
with dd of course!

your welcome to my support anytime
your mil really pissed me off.
great to know that you where thinking of me when preparing to argue back with the old cow bag.

hope you get on ok at the drs tomorrow.

Take as much time as you need; there is no right or wrong way. You do what you need to.

I took just one day off when I had my mc at 7 weeks. - the day of the scan. Was a huge mistake and I ended up suffering a few weeks down the road. Was a silly thing to do in hindsight, but I did what I thought other people were expecting em to do, rather than what I needed to do.

Kate- I have seen what you have been through recently. I am so sorry. my heart goes out to you

Are you a pharmacist??!!

Do you work in community or hospital??

I'm a senior pharmacy technician in hospital. I love it but right now I dont think its right place for me.....

Thank you so much for your support milkgoddess. I was thinking of you when I was sat there last night ready for an arguement!!

tmmilomh, so glad you had a good evening, does sound like it was a good tonic.

a pint and a little laughter, is the worlds best medicine, and i should know being a pharmacist an all!
tis my professional advice

your so right aswell a dispensary is a v dangerous place to be if your not able to concentrate.

perhaps your mil sense your where ready for her.
so glad to hear your doing well today
let us know how you get on at the drs on monday

You are absolutely NOT being unreasonable.

Your MIL sounds really abominable.

I think you need to tell her where to shove it.

No two people experience mc the same, it's not her place to dictate how you should respond. Who does she think she is?

It took me a long long time to 'get over' my mc, it was enormously tough, how it effects each of us is unique, you need to look after yourself and forget about looking after her expectation imo!

I'm so so sorry for your loss and empathise very much.

Nothing to add (no cocking way are YBU but you know that ) but I just wanted to say I'm so so sorry.

(((hugs))) TMMIL. Really glad you had a good night tonight.
I think from all the responses you have already had, you now know for sure who is being VERY unreasonable and who is absolutely NOT! It's all been said already but you must absolutely do whatever is right for you. I had a mmc in october and it amazed me how much it affected me. Then we lost our little boy at 17 weeks last month and for one reason and another I've hardly had any time off yet and I'm absolutely on my knees... Physically I'm ok now, but mentally and emotionally I've never been so drained. This will be my last week at work until the middle of June and I'm so desperate for the break. I have ever decreasing patience with people who say insensitive things to me atm - if they're not careful one of them will be in for a milkgodess style reply very soon! If you'd like us to, I'm sure a few of us here would be only too happy to have a quick vent at your MIL for you!
Can you and your DH get away together for a bit, just the 2 of you? Really glad you're taking care of each other. xx

Thank you expat. Am glad nobody thinks I am being unreasonable- I cant see why they would but there is always a fear that someone will!!

Had a lovely evening. Got into the function room, sat down, didnt move except to go to the loo to sort myself out. Friend running the do was very lovely and gave me a hug which I desperately need right now. DH is constantly hugging me but right now I need lady friend cuddles- so much better.

MIL kept her trap shut. Not a word. Luckily a friend of mine from work sat near me and wanted to know every detail of how I was, I obliged for an hour (!) then the entertainment started so me and MIL didnt talk much. She did buy me a pint of guiness though to 'build me up from bleeding so much'. So it was a good night. A good tonic actually. just what I needed. Change of scenery and a pint.

Will defo be going to Dr on monday and asking for some time off work. I need some time to myself to get over this. Plus the bleeding is so bad I wouldnt be able to work anyway. like a period? my arse!! Also I need my head together for my job, I manage 15 people and work in a pharmacy and I cant give it 100% concentration right now which is just downright dangerous.

Something really sad heppened tonight- when I'm pregnant I get paranoid bout lying on my back- some friend with a nice horror story that stuck in my head. Leant right back in my seat tonight cos have had backache and jumped up quick then remembered that there is no baby there I keep forgetting.

i had missed m/c, too, baby died about 5-6 weeks and i had ERPC at 11 weeks.

NO WAY i'd tell some other woman to get over it or you're being a wuss or pressure her into going back to work.

i'm very on your behalf.

she's behaving like a bitch and i would tell her to shut up.

seriously.

you need time to heal.

this is between you and your DOCTOR and none of her business how much time you take off work.

she's behaving like a bitch and i would tell her to shut up.

seriously.

you need time to heal.

this is between you and your DOCTOR and none of her business how much time you take off work.

i had a miscarriage at 12 weeks.it is an emotional and draining time.i was given 4 weeks off by my gp as i couldn't face work [i'm a nurse]myself and my dh went to the coast for a few days to a place that we love and each placed a rose in the sea to say goodbye.we found it really helped to get away and be by ourselves.take care x

Hi takeMy MILoffMyHands, I've taken four weeks off work (after losing at 16 weeks). Like you I have a pressured job but I realised that if I am away then they deal with you not being there but if you are back, they expect you to be 100%. As a boss I must admit I would prefer somebody to be out until they were recovered. In the end, much as we like to think we are, none of us are indespensible so I have decided to think of me and nt them!

Have been down to the pub for two hours tonight, my first outing since the bad news. Successfully managed to not cry in the pub (wept all the way home though) as DH had warned everyone not to be nice to me. Sympathy sets me off and I don't want to go through what happened with people, I have mumsnet for that

PS try and rise above your MIL, some people won't change so we just have to grit our teeth and ignore them. Stressing about it makes us suffer not them. Hope this doesn't sound unsympathetic because I certainly don't mean it to be but have just met too many people like this in my life and refuse to make myself unhappy due to their actions.

aww thanks, its my pleasure to help

My friend does know and is eager for me to go because she wants to have a chat. she is so supportive- anything you are going through in life she will be there with advice.

Milkgoddess- thank you, you have been brill today, so funny!!

I will post tomorrow and let you know how I am. Me and DH have just been having a real giggle practising 'I'm sorry, did someone say something?!' faces.

When I heard people say they had miscarriages before all this, it kinda went over my head. Everyone seems to have them right? Never again, its the most god awful experience I've ever been through. Maybe I'm lucky, people go through a lot worse e.g. my friend but I can honestly say I have never felt so sad and bereft ever. Yeah, it is common, but my god its so emotionally painful.

I'm so sorry to hear that some of you here have been through it too.

Well, yes, her loss might 'put it in perspective' but you're still going through your own tragic loss here, so don't diminish it.

If you're feeling too weepy, then no shame in backing out. Your friend will understand (does she know you're going through this?)

good luck tonight tmmilomh i really hope you get a break, be prepared for any negative comments and make it clear they not welcome
or acceptable
make your dh aware that you expect him to say something if she steps out of line

personally had i of been on the recieving nd of any of her nasty comments at a time like this id simply and calmly ask you mean to be so tactless and unkind? or are you just thoughtless. as yoy might not realise it but your comments of x yz have made me feel xyz

that might make the bitch think.

will you post on here tomorrow and let us know how you are?

thinking of you.
you brave wonderful woman.

sock it to em!!!

And I must say Mumsnet is the only thing that has kept me sane this week. There are a couple of us going through this sad event at the same time and talking to them has been a great help.

I'm blubbing again.......

Brave or stupid??

I wouldnt go if the person wasnt such a close friend and it wasnt such tragic circumstances. Puts what I am going through into perspective. She lost her 17 year old son at christmas 8 years ago. very sad.

bit of entertainment, bit of food, blackout and a raffle then home. Hopefully with my dignity intact.

To be honest I think if I had an accident, it would top off such a shit week I may not be able to control my hysteria.

You're very brave to go out tonight, and hope it's not too difficult.

After that, please mope as much as you want. As others have said, there's lots of support on here if you want it.

Thanks guys.

I am going to try and relax for a couple of hours tonight. Thanks for the tip Scully, have dug out some old black trousers and will take LOTS of pads and some feminine wipes as well.

MIL is usually so good- always blunt but she has upset me this time. We are a very close family and they are so supportive but her blunt harshness never changes. I am lucky- DH has been an angel. And FIL has been lovely- when he heard he rushed straight over (he wasnt there when we told MIL) and hugged me while I had a good cry.

I dont think my MIL will ever change- I just need to learn to steer clear if I'm feeling particuarly low.

As a matter of interest, my mum who can be a right old boot and is usually the one to REALLY put her foot in it has been inconsolable and barely able to comprehend it I had to console her when I broke the news.

Nowt so queer as folk.

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I can't believe how insensitive your MIL is being, hope you do manage to enjoy tonight.

I'm so sorry for your loss, and I'm astounded at how awfully your MIL is behaving towards you. It's beyond me how anyone could be so tactless (at best) and downright mean (at worst) when you have lost a longed-for baby.

Is she always this horrid to you ? It almost seems as if she is relishing the opportunity to stick the boot in and I don't quite understand how she's able to say so much. Unless she lives with you, I'd block her on all phones for the time being and get your DH (as he's offered to intervene) to tell her to politely - or not so politely - eff off. She's not needed and definitely not wanted until she can keep a civil tongue and actually contribute something helpful.

Your actual physical experience sounds very similar to my own and I know exactly what you mean about "toilet fear" ..... being very obviously reminded several times a day of what's happened. In my case, I think I bled heavily for about 3 weeks and I definitely didn't want to be at work during that time. Not only was I experiencing some discomfort, I could not have coped with the concern of people who knew - and equally, would have found it hard to cope with those who didn't know, who'd have quite understandably been going about their business as if nothing had happened. And that was before you got on to external clients, some of whom could be very difficult at the best of times. I was consumed by what had happened/was happening still for quite some time and I'm sure that had I been at work I would have ended up breaking down in tears and/or crying at some point.

Remember that what you are experiencing is a bereavement ..... and that this is compounded by physical symptoms (bleeding, pain) as well as by having your hormones tipped upside down. I'm glad your workplace are being so understanding. Their reaction - and that of your DH (who sounds very considerate to have taken time off to be with you) - is the only one you should be wasting any time worrying about. Your MIL sounds like a bitter old bitch.

Definitely go prepared with pads, and wear black. Might sound obvious but I had denim on the day I was caught out and was soaked through and had to catch a train home with dd1 in tow
Hope tonight is enjoyable and the change of scenery does you good.

I was thinking of that too Daisy!! Better be prepared with an answer. Would feel bad not going- its a fundraiser for a close family friend whos son died of encephalitis. We always go and it would only involve sitting all night and watching a show. Will take lots of pads and keep a low profile. DH is adament that if I feel ill or tearful we should leave.

Have barely left the house all week and that in itself is bloody upsetting!!!!

I'm worried that the blood loss is starting to go that way!! Its got steadily faster everyday since Wednesday.

my poor baby

I hope she doesn't upset you either.......am thinking of the "if you can come out socialising you can go to work" comments.

Make DH aware that if you feel at all not right you are going to call it a night early and that you need him to back you up.....

.....and take lots of sanitary towels with you as well. You really don't want to be caught short at a time like this.

I hope you manage to have a good time regardless of your dragon mother-in-law

Definitely wouldn't be at work whilst you are still bleeding, I had a sudden major blood loss similar to Evenhope, on day 6. Soaked through pads every 10min for several hrs, had no idea it could be so heavy for so long, as had d&c with previous m/c.
Apart from the physical side of things, you need time to get your head around not being pregnant anymore, and being able to handle that in public.
Everyone is different, take as much time as you think you need. & avoid mil for as long as possible, or get dh to tell her to keep her comments to herself right now, she certainly isn't helping [shock

Good luck, hope she doesn't upset you...

MIL doesnt live with us, no.

She is very very protective of both her children. DH and SIL really can do no wrong!!

DH is very understanding, has listened to me have a moan about MIL but he really is not the type to bring it up and confront her. That is usually my job but really dont feel up to it right now

Unfortunately we have a charity do to go to tonight. Wasnt gonna go but am sick of sitting in the house TBH so am gonna go for a couple of hours and MIL is going. Have told DH in no uncertain terms that I am not her friend right now!! He has promised to stick up for me if anything is said.

Hi - just read thru, and I can't believe what an absolute cow your mil is being. You have got enough to deal with at the moment without her adding to it. Can you stay away from her? You MUST NOT listen to anything she says!

at her inviting pregnant sil over - how insensitive can she be. Well done for coping with it.

Is she v protective over your dh by any chance? Do you think maybe she wants you to move on quick so that he can stop being so upset/worried about you? I've a friend with a nightmare mil, and her 'logic' is rather twisted at times.

Think you know that I've got 3 weeks off which I'm v glad about, you should absolutely definately have as much time as you need. This is YOUR life, and it's you who needs to find a path through this devastating time - your mil probably won't even give it a second thought in years to come.

back again. does she live with you, your MIL? if not, the cheek of her, inviting people round to yours especially at this time.

I was trying to be charitable towards her, but I'm coming round to the milk goddess's way of thinking

Your work sound lovely. Mine knew as well. I work in an office full of blokes and they were all great. A few of their wives had been through it so they knew how I was feeling. They were very gentle with me when I went back as well.

You need to tell her to give you and your DH some space. Where is he in all this; is he sticking up for you, or just trying to keep her happy? I know my DH takes the "Oh, that's just Mum" line when mine is being arsey, and says it's not worth the aggro falling out with her (he did it once and she didn't speak to him for weeks apparently). I think the reason she is the way she is, is that she's allowed to get away with it. I think you need to be firm with her, even though you probably aren't feeling like getting into anything with her. I'd say to her that if she isn't prepared to respect your feelings then she can take a hike leave you alone for a few days!

I truly would not wish this on anyone.

Thanks PPC.

Oh that's good takemyMIL, at least you don't have to feel like you're hiding the truth then.

It's such a horrible thing to go through, I wish you all the best and will be thinking of you.

Hope you get the time (and space) that you need.

I have told people at work why I am off. Luckily, everyone at work is extremely understanding and have been very supportive. I am blessed to work where I do. They have told me to take as much time as I need, there is no formulae for these things and to take care.

They have been exceptionally good. I work in a hospital and was frog marched to EPU when I mentioned that I was bleeding. I was then told the bad news and one of the managers sat with me til DH came.

My workplace is due an award I reckon.

Your work doesn't need to know why you are off sick btw - my GP offered to put something vague on my sick note like 'infection' or something. And bearing in mind that these things have a tendency to be left lying around on desks etc it would be no bad thing.

I had 2 mmc and took at least a week off with each. I explained to my (male) boss that I couldn't cope with losing that much blood and being away from home.

As it was, with the second one I had such a sudden loss of blood that I soaked myself, the settee and the floor, and frightened teenage DS to death. Imagine that happening at work

Ahh you meany ! ;)

You sound like you coped exceptionally well ! I have only seen sil once since when sha came to borrow my maternity clothes and i spent the whole time stood silently crying in the kitchen, i'd just sorted myself out when dd wandered in and asked me if i had sore eyes and gave the game away.
Sils not bothered with me atall since then though which i guess is a blessing.

Anyway, back to you. Take as much time away from work as you need, there is no right way to deal with your loss even if other people tell you there is (( hugs)) x

(apologies I missed a bit when reading the OP about MIL's d&c - skimming too fast.)

My SIL is pregnant too.

MIL invited her to OUR house last night for dinner

Think I coped dead well though to be honest. Lectured her on how painful BF is. Very mean but made me feel much better.



We were just about to be referred when I found out I was pregnant. bummer. back to the drawing board.

Bless you, thanks for remembering me !

It has been a horrible time, the last couple of months had been soul destroying although actually the last few weeks i've left asif i can finally see the light. finally !.

Still no chance of getting refered either, Dr's a complete twat

I found message boards were my salvation after my mmc. while it was terrible to realise how common they actually are the women who had been through the same thing gave me such great support and realy made the situation more barable.

My family have been shit too, Sils pregnant so all the attentions gone on her, i have just kinda faded out lol.

oh well, you cant choose your families eh !

You too Duchesse- hope you are ok

Oh worzel I remeber you from the TTC threads.

Hope you are ok- know you have had a hard time recently with getting referred. (((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))

TTC is horrible and lonely. Hope you are ok hun.

you do whatever is right for you flower, ignore what anyone else says.
there is no right way to deal with the grief, I took a week off work, needed longer really but couldnt afford it so if you feel you ned longer and you can then take longer !

I really feel for you, My mmc was in Feb after almost 2 years ttc, its hideous and was a completly horrible time, it does get better though although i know it wont feel like that yet for you but it does i promise.

I know MN doesn't really like ((hugs))so i'll just send you a little squeeze instead.

I'm so sorry to hear about this. If you don't want to go to work yet don't. Take the time to grieve.

I had a Missed Miscarriage and my boss was pressurising me into going back to work and I wish I hadn't as I couldn't cope. So please take your time.

A lot of older women seem quite traumatised by their own experiences in the 50s/ 60s with MCP doctors and stiff upper lip medical staff. Her experience is not your experience. She is not being very sympathetic but is reacting in line with other women of her generation I'm afraid. Just avoid her while you're feeling fragile. And you're right to take a while off- it will take you a few weeks to recover fully.

Sorry for your loss. MM/c is not nice.

O milkgoddess!!

I love you!!!

she sounds like an utterly repulsive person to me.
if you where my wife id have thrown her out by the scruff of her neck by now.
and told her not to could back till shes learnt some basic humanity and manners

i really would love to put her straight, tmmilomh

let me at her! let me at her!

sorry for your loss takemy.. can your dh not have words with the battleaxe??? Take as much time as you need, only you will know that, take care of yourself x

what is it with these wimmin so much for being kind and compassionate

I have had that 2!!!

'shouldnt have told anyone'

And when I was spotting over the weekend and getting upset

'could I stop crying to her cos she was getting upset'

God love her.

daisy how fucking dare she critasie you like that, oh this is making me seeth!!!
my heads going to explode soon.....

Ithink it is better to sit at home and mope for a bit you need to allow yourself time to grieve I went back to work too soon the first time it happened to me and ended up crying all over the place

Really sorry about your loss. Yes you do need time off. It's not some trivial thing you're going through. People often assume it's like a heavy period but it isn't like that at all - you become emotionally attatched to the baby when you find out your pregnant and if you lose the baby you grieve for the baby that should have been. Also, when I had mine I felt awful for at least a couple of weeks afterwards due to hormones and blood loss.

It's probaby best to stay out of her way for a while and try to get support from someone else if possible. If you want to talk about it on here then I'm around to listen, as are many others who've been through something similar.

It's better to mope and grieve now than for it to hit you like a tonne of bricks three months down the line.

thats the spirt!
fuck the old cow bag

right thats decided, your not going back to work till your ready.
its the MN decision
we rule !

My MIL said after my second m/c....."I thought you had told people too soon"....meaning I shouldn't have told anyone I was pregnant and just got on with the m/c quietly and on my own. I'm sure she meant well, but she also has a serious case of foot-in-mouth disease. Like takemyMIL I can usually laugh at her and laugh off her insensitive comments, but when emotionally vulnerable I find it a bit too much.

I've put a link to this on the MC avengers thread so hopefully soem of those lovely ladies will be along soon to talk to you takemyMIL.

I've gotta scoot for the moment.

Take Care, and crack open that Haagen Dasz.

She has expressed concern that I am going to 'mope' while I am off work.

And do you know what?

I fucking am!!! I waited 15 months for this baby and I am going to mope unashamedly.

I can see why she would be concerned that I would mope but at a toss up between moping for a few days and greiving and getting back to normality, the whole getting back to normality upsets me more right now. Have explained this to her and she didnt get it.

The thought of going back to work and getting on with things whilst I'm still losing the baby seriously upsets me.