I wonder what sort of experience he has at work. Maybe he has to spend all day pretending to be very enthusiastic about something that bores him rigid or stresses him out. Maybe he hates his job but knows he has to continue with it and is maybe jealous of the OP for being able to stay home all day with gorgeous dd. He might have feelings such as these that he can't possibly articulate.

I appreciate that Honoria has a tiring day too but manages a smile for her ds - but she doesn't mention a partner.

Just thought I;d let you know that I got a slightly better reaction today! Some conversation and then he massaged and got dd ready for bed!

So my strop yday did have some effect then! Oh and he also suggested that when I return to work, he do one of the early morning drop offs to grandparents - which I never even thought of.

Maybe I need to stand my ground more often hey!

Thanks all

xx

It's about what you give yourself permuission to do, isn't it.

I often arrive home at 6pm absolutely knackered and starving but I would not dream of letting that affect how I greeted my son, who deserves me to give him a huge grin and hug etc. It only takes a second! Then it's very simple - zip off to the kitchen and eat something!

It's not rocket science, just common politeness

He is tired and hungry? Perhaps if he were to eat some nuts/raisins on the way home it would boost his sugar levels and feel a bit better.

It's horrible to be in your position, and he probably doesn't realise how his behaviour can lead to a situation where you actually dread his return. Better to deal with it now, than to let it go on.

And yeah, dd will get used to him if you let her.

my DG is ust like this. It made me very sad fir a hwile that he alwas seemed to be in a bad mood when he came in. I'm really trying to realise that that's just what he is like when he comes in and it doesn't mean he doesn't love me or the DSs.

Bloody hard though isn't it?

I think you could give it some more determination pink - at the moment, if she screams enough, she gets you doesn't she! I know it's hard for the blokes and I've been there with my DS and DH, but with persistence it works, the child cuts their losses and takes comfort from their dad. Which after all, is not cheating them out of ANYTHING - it's their own dad coming in, after all. And it's very very good for their relationship in the long term imo.

If this were me I'd take myself off for a few evenings and leave them to it

it won't hurt anyone!

Pink/Mumble - dont worry - I got my stuff off my chest!

Same here to some extent - he offers to go and put her to bed but I often end up taking over because she wants me. Thats one reason I said that he needs to start doing it more often.

Plus its sometimes easier to do it myself so I can put her to sleep and then unwind.

Sorry for hijack justme!

Mumble - she wakes up about every half an hour! The sleep problems are ongoing, and i wasn't using this thread to complain about that, just the fact that he thinks its all so hard for him!

Honoria - he's bloody useless with her. She won't be settled by him at all. My dinner went back in the oven 4 times last night because she kept waking up and screeeeeeeeeaming if he went in. He just doesn't do enough with her for her to be comforted by him.

Why does it take all evening to settle your dd?

Thanks everyone....

To be fair, once he has eaten, he perks up, he always has a huge smile for dd (even before he has eaten) which is why I get upset when he can't do the same for me.

I'm going back to work in a few weeks and have already said that he needs to start helping.

We are having other problems anyone so think its a combination of everything really.

Needed to rant - thanks all - nice to know its not just me.

YANBU! It sounds to me like he is playing the "work victim" role, i.e. he comes home from work and is sooooo knackered as he's been working hard all day, and wants the sympathy laid on. i say this because i used to be exactly the same until someone told me to snap the f*ck out of it as i wasn't the only one in the world who went out to work and a smile and exchange of pleasantries is just common courtesy!

I would say something to him about it and say how you feel! if that was me i would dread him coming home because of him having a face like a smacked arse as soon as he walks through the door!

Good luck!

Perhaps he should take a snack for the way home if low blood sugar affects him so badly.

pinkjenny, why on earth do you put up with that?

ok, he needs his dinner - but then hand him the baby after her bottle and let him settle her!

YANBU

It's just courtesy I think. Costs nothing at all to give a smile and it's so important for your dd (let alone you!) to feel he is pleased to see her

I can see both sides. I am always really grumpy after work and don't really feel like talking to or seeing anyone.

I am glad I get home before DP because if he was already in when I arrived I'd probably be really stroppy with him.

YANBU - dh walks through the door, whilst I am wrestling bathtime with wriggly child, starts muttering about 'what's for tea', proceeds to eat his dinner while I give dd her bottle, then I spend all night upstairs trying to get her to sleep, while he watches The Bill (he's obsessed) and then he has the cheek to complain when he comes to bed that she is keeping him awake!

I spend the whole day running around after his family, my family and our gorgeous little dd....

Be nice to be greeted with a smile, or even an inkling that he is happy to see me.

His justification is that he is tired and hungry and has always been that way straight after work.

I know he is going through mild depression. but sometimes I feel I am there for everyone else in the world to lean on and sometimes I just want to feel a bit sppreciated/loved/needed as me and not just as cook/cleaner/ chaffeur etc etc#

Maybe I am being unreasonable - I'm trying to there for him as he goes through his issues but sometimes I feel like screaming WHAT ABOUT ME!!!!

And then I feel bad for doing it.