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Of course as is the tradition with these threads i do not think i am being unreasonable at all and if anyone says I am I will flounce
Obviously this is within reason. Dd has always been a very confident strong willed child who likes to be different. This has never resulted in her being bullied or picked on, she is a very popular child doing well at school although she does need firm parenting.
She is going through a rock goth phase, partly I think influenced by some of the older children I teach as she often comes into school.
She loves clothes, something she has inherited from her father and me. She helps me make clothes, will draw her own designs and loves playing in our dressing room putting togther outfits. I let her choose her clothes, again within reason. At the moment she is wearing mainly black skinny, jeans, ties and anything with skulls on! She does like to push the boundaries but backs down very quick, recent requests have included hand cuffs, black eyeliner and a leather waistcoat. She also wanted a black bedroom but I said no so it is pink and purple and she loves it. I think she pushes the boundaries knowing i will say no but wants to play along.
She has wierd taste in music for a little girl, she loves Queen, yesterday over tea she said to dp which Queen album is your favourite I can't choose between ..... and ...... ( have to admit I was not really listening). She also has disocovered The Cure and at the moment she has nickelback playing constantly upstairs while airguitaring! But she also loves Kylie!
We went to a princess and pirate party the other week and a friend came with me and dd. All the other girls were princesses, she had put togther her own outfit of black skinny jeans, a black top with skulls on, a bandana and a belt she had made herself of skulls. My friend was horrified that i let her go out like this and said I should have made her wear something more appropriate. But again no children made unpleasant comments, on the contrary they were all asking her about her outfit.
My mum has also made a few comments about dd clothes, but as I live in a town full of girls in either dodgy tracksuits or bratz lookalikes I am glad that dd is rebelling in her own way.
She does wear some girly things, mainly things from last year admittedly.
My mum and friend are of the opinion that we should tell dd what to wear and she should accept that. Are they right.
oh i love her! she would fit right in with dd1 and dd3. dd1 is more emo than her friends, loves black/pink and isnt your typical sparkly princess. dd3 spent a lot of winter in a bodenm pink/purple stripey dress, legwarmers and skull wellyboots. she looked very cool.
WEF is inappropriate about her wearing stuff with skulls on? I was a morbid little sod as a kid as well, it's totally harmless. Encourage your DD to wear what she likes and enjoy her creativity. Because you are setting her up with lots and lots of security and ammunition for the horrible teenage years when morons will try to force her into feminine conformity, eating disorders and self-hatred: if she's learned the 'fuck'em if they can;t take a joke' attitude early on, it will do her good all her life. Your mum and friend are not only wrong but should keep their stupid beaks out.
judging from Claire's Accessories many young girls like the pirate/goth look, she is perhaps a little ahead of her peers at age 6, but I absolutely agree that it is up to her to choose.
better in my view to be a punk pirate than a pink princess derived straight from Disney with no imagination or creative input, or, as you say, a mini-Bratz.
she sounds cool. if she doesn't feel the need to be like everyone else at this age, then maybe that won't kick in for her and she'll be robust enough to be her own person. good for her
That sounds exactly like my dd misdee. Where did you get skull welly boots from I was looking for over an hour the other night for dd, got her a pair online the other night.
I do worry that I am making her materialistic. I love clothes and shoes, I have so much we had to turn our spare room into a walk in wardrobe. She now shares that with me. I suppose it is that worry that I cannot remember being into clothes and music at 6 so she is growing up fast and I am encouraging her.
well there is a lot more choice to be had in the way of cheap clothes and accessories than there used to be. I worry too, my 6 year old is obsessed with the way she looks, but it is an outlet for creativity and self expression.
Childhood is a great time to dress in as eccentric a manner as possible - like madamez says, it's setting her up to express herself as she wishes during her teen and adult years. I lived in dressing-up clothes half the time when I was her age, and tomboywear the rest of the time.
i got them ferom a local shoe shop. she had a choice of pinky ones, bratz one or the skull ones. she choose the skull ones. she was 2years old at the time lol. she loves pirtates though. she makes me chuckle as is so so not girly princess at all at age 3.
You're not being materialistic though, tsap, or teaching DD to be. You're encouraging her to express herself, to design her own clothes and to help you make them. Life skills!
The handcuffs she wanted were in Claire's accessories, so her rebellion isn't that great tbh She had the staff in stitches posing in the mirrors with all the gear.
But again at the back of my mind I think what will she be like at 16?
I wish I had had her confidence as a child, heck I would love her confidence as an adult.
Horrified at going to a pirates and princesses party as a pirate If she had gone as a tap dancing hippopotamus that would have been slightly inappropriate
dd likes green day as well, don;t know about chemical romance.
We were in TK Maxx the other week and she was dressed up in her best gear posing in the mirrors, jumping in the air and doing her rock on hands! Dp and I were almost wetting ourselves and she had a little crowd of kids in tracksuits and dodgy heels staring at her in complete bemusement.
"I do predict though that she will continue to need firm parenting as she's asking for handcuffs/leather waistcoat "
She needed firm parenting from the womb!
There are underlying issues to this, I know that because she had a difficult start to life and she has to live my illness and put up with my daft working hours she is a bit pampered. My mum sees this as further evidence of dd being spoilt.
I can never remember as a child choosing my own clothes either. Mum would take us to a mill outlet a few times a year in Wolverhampton ( I know the glamour ) and she would just buy stuff and we had no say. I think I was a teenager before I had a choice.
I don't think she fits into New Look yet, although my sister works in there so it will be handy when she does.
She has a few bits from Next, ( again hardly setting the world alight with her rebellion ) and we get things from TK Maxx, ebay and we customise or make things. We don't have a H+M here but when we go to Preston we get her a few bits.
Personally, I think you are right to encourage her own creativity within reason, and it is entirely up to you to decide what boundaries you set. I would think that if she is confident in her own opinions even when they are different to everyone else's, she's less likely to succumb to peer pressure on more important things when she older (I'm thinking cigs, booze and drugs here). And I hate the miniature mini skirts/cropped tops that some ranges of childrens' clothes promote.
But bear in mind that as a teenager (I didn't start as young as your dd!) I invented my own, errm, individual (?!), looks, which included goth, gypsy rose lee, and explosion in paint factory. Which make me when I think about them now . And I hope my dd shows that kind of originality (today she had a paddy 'cos I wouldn't let her retrieve her pink flouncy dress from the dirty laundry, but she is only 21 months!).
the larger New Look do chidlrens clothes from baby sizes. i was as i didnt know. i went in there to get stuff for me but wound up getting the girls clothes.
LOL, don't flounce, you are so obviously NOT being unreasonable!
What's inappropriate about going as a pirate to a pirate and princesses party? Honestly, what the fuck has 40 years of women's liberation been about? Are those nutters saying she should have gone as a princess? Have they not seen Keira Knightley swashbuckling about in Pirates of the Caribbean?
Blimey, at 6yo she sounds too cool for school. My dd is 6yo, still into CBeebies and wouldn't know a latest fashion trend from her My Little Pony collection! How do 6yos get into Queen, Nickelback and the like? Not criticising by any stretch (she sounds fab) but genuinely curious as to how they get to have such grown up tastes.
Roobie, when my brother and I were little we were into the Police, Blondie, Stevie Wonder, Motown and loads of other stuff...both my parents are/were musical and very into music of all kinds, so we just picked it up from them. My favourite song when I was a kid was 'Turning Japanese' by the Vapours (I was also obsessed with Peer Gynt, not sure where that came from tbh).
I think that is my Mum's criticism Roobie and as much as I joke about flouncing I want to hear the other side.
She is into Queen as that is my dp favourite band, he used to be in a tribute band before we met. She adores dp and I think she wants to be like him ( see it is all his fault) Cure is my fault, I have some on my ipod and she borrowed on a long drive. She then saw a video on a music channel I had on whilst doing some housework and the rest is history. Nickelback was off the radio.
The clothes thing has come in part from me, although I do not dress in any way gothy I do read fashion magazines, make clothes and she loves to come shopping with me.
As I said as well she comes to work with me after her own school and mixes very confidently with my secondary age pupils, and we have quite a big goth, emo contingent.
She is also an only child which I think has made her grow up as if she is not playing out wit friends, which she does a lot, she is engaging in adult conversation with dp and I.
When I was a little girl I would have been so desperate to be her friend...
I had a horrid encounter with a pink-and-jellies-clad, blonde-ringletted 5 year old superbrat a few weeks ago, who really wound me up, and gave me a bit of a downer on the species of girlie-girls at the moment. Your DD sounds ace.
Another worry is that the school I teach in is very much divided into goths and townies. The townies bully the goths mercilessly and there is the case in the news recently of course. But we are moving away and for all I know the phase could be over by then
Each time I go into Preston now I am going to be walking around not concentrating on what I am doing but looking for a wonderfully confident 6 yo goth.
Look for a six year old dressed head to toe in black jumping about doing rock on hands, being followed around by my in ridiculous heels and dp five paces behind wandering how it all ended up like this!
when I was a little girl (6, 7, 8....) my favourite bands were Thin Lizzy Stiff Little Fingers Queen Buzzcocks Lou Reed and the Velvet Underground the Police Olivia Newton John Billy Joel Barry Manilow
I hated motown and reggae I was pretty clear about all this
I was very influenced by older siblings and my parents. I was effectively an only child, as my siblings are much older. I turned out all right and mostly these days listen to Bach and Stravinsky <twitch>
oh I am super normal <twitching some more> respectable pillar of the community and all that I think not fitting in with the crowd is a marvellous skill to have. I was eccentric and precocious and all that but tbh I had a great time as a child
oh btw I sneaked in to see Stiff Little Fingers play live in about 1978 so I must have been about nine my older sister must have colluded with this, but she denies all knowledge
I can understand the music angle (although we play loads of cool stuff and dd doesn't give a monkeys about it - we're even taking her to Glastonbury in June although she won't appreciate it!). It's more the 6 going on 16 attitude and the early sophistication and fashion consciousness that I wonder about - I guess I just don't expose my dd to any clothes shopping as I just buy her stuff online.
I read something once about goths and emos becoming architects and doctors so it may al work out. I bet the Daily Mail has a panic driven headline somewhere about it though.
"It's more the 6 going on 16 attitude and the early sophistication and fashion consciousness that I wonder about - I guess I just don't expose my dd to any clothes shopping as I just buy her stuff online."
The same thing niggles me if I am being honest.
I buy dd quite a bit online but she will help me choose.
If you met me you would know she was rebelling, from me anyway. I may have liked the cure as a teenager and have fond memories but I am an ultra colourful very girly dresser.
But she knows she is entertaining us and that we do not dissaprove, so you do have a point. If she wanted to rebel she would be in a tracksuit or boob tube - well she wouldn't because we wouldn't allow it.
She is rebelling from what other children of her age that she meets are doing.
YANBU. She and you both sound great. Why should she dress like bratz. You have and will continue, I suspect, to have a great relationship. You allow her to have some independance but still establish boundaries and stick to them. The fact that she lets it go when you say no is clear testimont to that. Well done both of you. She won't be picked on or excluded by other children, because she clearly has a lot of confidence. Well done you. I hope I have that kind of relationship with my two when they are older.
Oh god, those Next leggings are vile. I think your dd sounds great. I have boys so do not have to suffer The Pink Thing. Where does it say that girls have to be obsessed with pink? I never was, & it certainly wasn't a cultural phenomenon when I was growing up (I'm 43).
I read recently that as recently as the 1940s it was boys who wore pink, or pale red, as pale blue was seen as much more feminine, & this thing of pink for girls goes in & out of fashion, so it certainly isn't a biological imperative!
Twinsetandpearls, sounds to me your post is more of a show-off than asking if YABU. Of course you're not, as you well know! Your dd sounds fab; keep encouraging her to be creative and experiment with clothes. Damn it I'm jealous!
I could be being unreasonable, perhaps I should be directing dd to spending more time climbing trees or playing imaginatuvely than thinking about what she wears.
YANBU. Your DD is clearly creative and expressing herself through dressing up. I was just the same - would put on the entire contents of the dressing up box at playgroup so that no one else could have the clothes (not my proudest moment) and my mum helped me dye my hair aged eight using those rubbish Shaders and Toners thingies or spray in gold and silver glitter. Her friends deffo disapproved (and I even remember hearing one say 'you let her go out like that?' when I was going through a punk phase aged 10) but mum's argument was 'hair dye washes out, clothes can be changed, and kids should be allowed to express themselves'. By helping her make her own clothes you are encouraging her creativity - more power to you both
My fave advert at the mo is the little boy who won't take off his Spiderman outfit....
she sounds just like my 7 year old, loves anything with skulls on and is an avid queen fan at her cousins recent high school musical she put her foot down and went as a pirate . id much prefer them to be a bit different
She does climb trees as well, is currently on the green making a den with her mates. The black clothes hide the mud better.
Although my sister has bought her very girly oufit which she is currently wearing with some gold ballet bumps so she has not turned completely to the dark side.
Sod anyone who objects, they are narrow minded eejits. She sounds gorgeous. Mind you, if you are fine with her dressing creatively, her teenage rebellion might involve wearing tweed skirts, a nice blouse, American tan tights and a pearl necklace!
I had a blister the other day from new shoes so asked dp to get some tights and they must have been a version of American Tan. I looked very odd all day , i could see people trying to match my pasty upper torso to my shiny sausge legs.
She sounds fab. She actually sounds a lot like my dd1 who is 5, she refuses to conform won't wear dresses or pretty bows. She also loves gun n roses (although this may have more to do with her mum ) and loves playing air guitar. I hope she is like your dd when she is 6 I never want her to conform.
A friend has a DD who is a total tomboy - influenced by her older brother - when to all nursery parties as Buzz Lightyear or wearing football kit instead of the endless princess nylon dresses the other girls were all wearing.
I think it shows great strength of character which is always a good thing. Until of course she is 16 and the 'strength of character' has turned into plain old teenage stubbornness!
my ds2(8) would have gone to the party as a princess.
not quite so easy when it's a boy though - ds2 loves shiny satin material and lace and embroidery and tights. I turned my back for five minutes in boots the other day and he was covered in make up. He's always dressing up in his older sisters cast-offs. I tend to tell him that he can wear what he likes when he's with his family, but some people can be horrible when boys dress in girls and ladies clothes and that he needs to be careful about what he chooses to wear because some boys might try and hurt him or be nasty. Very sad. he's a confident happy little soul and I wish he could indulge his flamboyance a little more. (but he would go to the party as a princess because it would be his friends and they 'get' him IFSWIM. )
Her skull wellies came on Friday and she has worn them all weekend. Today thought she has gone out looking quite girly with a flowery top and cropped jeans and her a red headband.
he is a confident wee soul though - went to asda this morning with him wearing a red t shirt, navy blue gym shorts, quite high cut - boxer length and his sisters stripy knee length socks, which go all the way up to his bum, so look like stripy stockings - and his sensible black lace up school shoes. I have given birth to the guy from the scissor sisters.
as i didnt know. i went in there to get stuff for me but wound up getting the girls clothes. 
