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Just collected my DD2 from pre-school this afternoon from a building next to a small village school. Anyway, some of the older kids class 5/6 were standing around in a group and were watching me walking up to the building. In this group were some kids from our street who like to "intimitade" me lets say. As i was walking back down past them, one of the kids decided to go right up to me and put their arm up and go "hi!" and just miss me. I ignored it and then the litte brat goes and does it again! and of course his friends snigger. I was going to ignore him again but a friend of mine said to the boy "don't do that it's very rude" and of course then i had to acknowledge what they were doing. Then the playground suppervisor got involved and i think the whole group go marched off to the Headmistresses office. I was just trying to keep myself together to stop crying. Its a long story with them, but there has been a gang of kids down our road who live right at the entrance to the estate. Every time i drive in they are doing their best to do V-signs and other nasty things as i drive by. I usually ignore them and don't even look in their direction, but i know they are doing it. If i'm driving down the road and they are in it (very quiet street) they will refuse to move until i'm right on top of them. The parents don't think the kids are doing anything wrong as they are just being kids. I can just manage this kind of low level harassment for ages, but today it just burst the banks so to speak. When i got home some poor woman rang up about double glazing (don't even know which firm) and she got a right earfull. Even my friend said that in my circumstances she would not have a clue how to deal with this. I must have that face that says "bully me". All through my childhood i was bullied really badly but just kept my head down and i thought i was getting on OK. With kids you're not even allowed to tell them off or even touch them and they know it. What can you do? It's really affecting my quality of life as i sometimes won't go out in the evening if they are there as i can't cope with the hasstle. Sometimes, my anger does boil over and i will shout at the lot of them but then they have won. Its just so hard, if they start to bully my DDs then i will totally lose it. Sorry for the rant, but i'm still upset.
Oh, you poor thing. I really think this is far more to do with your self esteem and confidence levels than it is to do with these little shits. I would imagine they behave in this way to all except those they expect not to stand for it. And only you can project whether you are a strong woman or not. I guess you need to get more steely. I dont have advice, but I really feel for you.
I am not saying this is your fault but perhaps if you did something with children of this age you would find them less threatening. I know when I first started teaching I found year 11 boys a scary prospect but now after years of experience I just find them at most annoying. Could you perhaps volunteer to do some work in the school?
they do this because you let them. you have a history of being bullied and bullies are like vultures, they can pick you out and home in on you.
they are children. start walking tall, head up, shoulders back. next time they try to intimidate you, give them a pitying look and tell them to grow up. next time they actually get near to you tell them that unless they buck their ideas up you are contacting the local police and will have them all with asbo's
be confident. do they cause trouble for others in the neighbourhood ? if so do you have any residents meetings you can bring this up at ? don't put up with it, please.
these little shits turn into thugs and muggers very quickly when no one stops them
Can you look them in the eye? Sometimes that is enough. Mind you I would probably go "Hi" back and try and hug the little sod. He wouldnt like that one bit. Nothing like being embarrassed in front of your mates!
Sorry to hear about this and hope you find a way to deal with it.
Just to add, if you could manage to walk past them, walking tall, like notjustmom says, but next time snigger like they have done the saddest most pathetic thing in the world and yes, tell them to grow up. X
patronise them - remember you are the adult, they are little fraidy cats really. Laugh at them, or pat them on the head and say sometihng like "oh, aren't little boys so cuuuute?". Actually, don't pat them on the head, but you get what I mean.
ripeberry, do you think there is a racial element to this or anything? I'm guessing not from your photos, but don't want to presume...
when you say their parents think nothing is wrong, do their parents know what has been happening? Do you know other adults down the road, any of the parents?
What a horrible experience.
I wonder whether any of the anti-bullying websites would have material to help you deal with this. Something to make you feel back in control. Of course you can't touch children, you can't tell them off, but neither can you touch or tell off adults, and perhaps some of the techniques could be adapted.
Some 11 year olds look much bigger and older than they really are .. but you are the grown up here, and you have to be stronger than them, either by laughing at them or by cutting them down with a witty quip.
Lots of good advice here. Don't let them intimidate you - if you have someone with you (an adult!) you could try pointing at one of the little shits and laughing...try to make them feel uncomfortable and they will steer clear of you. If they stand in the road when you are driving then aim the car at them and go fast. They'll soon scatter! Obviously I'm not advising you actually hit one of them, but put the fear into them!
I don't agree with you colander; driving the car at them is not being an adult (and obviously could go awfully wrong). And what if the parents of one of the kids saw this happen? Major retaliation could follow.
I mean class 5/6 so they are around 8/9 yrs old. Feeling a bit better about it, i know the headmistress would have wiped the floor with them. But, unless you've had this kind of "bullying" none of you know what it's like. The main reason if fell "bullied" is that i'm powerless as an adult and problem is that i'm the sort that can just burst out crying...yeah sad so shoot me! and if i did that then that would be the end. I've got lots of things on my plate with my Mum not being well and my dad feeling depressed that i don't need this crap on top of everything. If i was 10yrs old myself, he would have a black eye by now. Once i was 14yrs old i did a lot of fighting and i suppose that's why i feel powerless.
I once had some kids i teach laughing at my dh's sandles, hes so cool my dh, mimed at them 'your bum looks huge', put her in her place! This sounds awful for you, they shouldn't behave like this, but you do need to stand up to them, make them feel stupid, because they are. At school I find smiling and making a point of saying hello and asking how horrid children are knocks them off guard
I agree with "piss of you little twat" in a very weary voice.
I had a binch of children of about 10-11 trying to intimidate people on holiday in the campsite washing up area. When they started throwing water around I just threw water back (much more water though) When the mother came to find me I explained that really it would be better if they picked on someone their own size - as me being much bigger would indeed throw more water.
The rest of the holiday they stayed well away from our tent and the washing up area. Turning the tables does often work.
There is a difference between children playing and mischeif and children being nasty and intimidating
I really empathise with how you must be feeling. I was also bullied mercilessly as a child and have continued to be bullied by bosses and Mil in particular. yesterday i started a thread about how dd (2.2)was being excluded by some kids a few years older than her at playgroup and believe it or not I can't even stand up to a couple of 4 yr olds on her behalf!
so don't feel bad, you just have to find ways of being assertive in these situations, which takes practice but i'm sure is well worth it.
You need to keep a record of intimidating behaviour, and show it to the headteacher of the school and to your local police. If it carries on, I'd also take a camera with me and get photos of them to back up show too. I feel so sorry (and angry!) for you, hope it stops soon.
Thank you all for your kind words. I'm going back up to the school in a few minutes and i'm going to hold my head up high! As i said before, they always seem to pick on me when i'm at my lowest and it's always when i can't retaliate with a witty quip or two! May, start saying "hi" to that boy and say "you're so cuddly looking, here let me give you a hug!" That should mortify him! Thank goodness for Mumsnet, as i was feeling very very low earlier and my poor DD2 was getting upset. P.s that boy was very fat, but i'm not going to call him that...i would be the bully then.
Shout loudly "Do you fancy me or something?" if he comes up to you again. If he says anything at all back, sneer "Come back when they've dropped, son." and keep on walking.
Great! Make sure you stride through them making clear what insignificant pointless little turds they are. Having a ready quip poised as you get there wouldn't hurt either... something simple along the lines of "Can't you find yourself a real girlfriend then?" (which you just know is going to be a bone of contention/ source of acute embarrassment amongst 10-11 year old boys)
I think it's good to start saying 'hi' to them. No need to engage otherwise though, including 'comebacks' which can backfire by showing they are getting to you. If they say/do anything, just stop in your tracks and say 'What did you just do?' and look them in the eye.
I found myself in a weird situation last week where I was surrounded by a group of teenagers, one of whom was holding a knife, another an iron bar - they were obviously just about to fight each other (I live in London). I just came around the corner towards our garages where we keep our pushchair (I was holding DS aged 2 in my arms), and there they were. There was no way out except through them. So I said 'Hi guys. Could you help me open the gate please, I've got my hands full here?' And they scurried to help me, opened the gate for me and all walked off to fight somewhere else where they wouldn't be given little jobs to do... You need to stand up straight and have the attitude that 'these are kids, and I tell them what to do, not the other way around'. It doesn't mean being confrontational, and you certainly shouldn't start driving cars at them Just act like the strong adult you are.
Doris I'm ashamed to say that I've given up calling the police. With the things I see from my front room window I could call them every couple of hours. This morning I've seen two prostitutes being picked up in cars, three people buying cocaine from the dealer who lives opposite, and one woman beating her husband over the head with an umbrella as they walked down the street together, then they started snogging madly. It's a flippin madhouse, I tell you. I went through a phase of calling the police, about the drug paraphenalia and used condoms scattered in front of our garages, and they were very courteous on the phone but nothing changed. Also the Met annoy me because each one who has come over when speaking to my DH asks "DO YOU SPEAK ENG-LISH?" in a super-slow singsong voice. To which he replies "Well I'm from Croydon, so that's anyone's guess"
Ripeberry, I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. Yes, they may be kids, but it is still awful, and as you say, it affects your quality of life. Talking to them might help. Give it a try. How about ruffling his hair when he comes up to you?
Well i held my head up high and almost got a facelift! Collected DD1 from school and got in car and saw that boy and he saw me and had the cheek to do 2 V-signs at me. I got out of the car and told him calmly, "I want to talk to your Mum, please" and he pointed to a red car and ran towards it. I walked up to it and in that time he must have said to his mum that is was going to beat him up or something. Well the first thing any REASONABLE person who is INTELLIGENT, would ask themselves "why is this other mum, wanting to speak to me?" and then they would listen to you and THEN say what they think. But, at first i thought it was the kids dad in the car..in scruffy clothes, black glasses and black baseball cap pulled down low, but no it was his MUM. Anyway, started to say, "Sorry to bother you, but your son has been quite rude to me today, in the playground and just now", can you assure me this won't happen again? All quite polite i thought. But this mum, just started SCREAMING! and i mean screaming at me! saying over and over again "Don't you threaten an 11yr old boy!" over and over again...more for the benefit of everyone else. Then , i just said maybe stupidly "Well, no wonder he's like that, with parents like you!" Then she starts getting out of the car, saying "Do you want a facelift?" and then she shouted something else and shot off down the road. Until today, i've never met her in my life! Of course the whole car park was at a standstill and i was strangely quite calm about it. Just proved a theory to me, bullies are bullies because their parents think their "little darlings" could never do ANY wrong. I was also shocked with her reaction, she must get loads of complaints about him or just had a bad day like mine, but there was no need for that. It's just that she looked like a right nutter and may take it further. I think i'll tell the school tomorrow about it just to cover my back.
I've never seen that mother in the playground, she usually always sits in the car and talks to no-one. Even our neighbour down the road, had not moved her car, they were just sitting there looking at me...the worm has turned! Gonna get a reputation i tell ya!
Well done you. She sounds awful, no brains some people, at my last school there were a few mums banned from site they were such headcases, wish they wouldnt breed, kids dont have a hope
well done indeed - it is ALWAYS worth speaking up because if nothing else it is you showing children/people like this that there IS a right and a wrong way to behave.
I have come across groups of kids who don't move when you're about to drive into them and I have to say what I do is drive (slowly - I'm not advocating ramming into them!) right up to them and then loudly sound the horn. Boy, do they jump
You've just got to withdraw your consent to this sort of low level bullying, and good for you for what you did today ripeberry - as colditz said she has shown herself up for what she is and you have shown yourself to be the grown-up, assertive one.
Poor you ripeberry but well done for trying to deal with it all. The mum sounds really scary, no wonder her son is the way he is, I can't imagine he gets set much of an example...
Some children are like dogs and can smell fear, pretend not to be afraid a few times and the simulation will become reality. I have far too little fear and would probably demand they stand aside, my dp is convinced I will live to regret my 'bravery' and get punched. I would complain to the council and get a couple of ASBOs for the harrassment and for the year sixes I would imagine their bravado is egg shell thin and you could outwit/stare them, or complain to the school and ask that they do somthing about it.
Well done for staying calm as the bitch mum screamed at you. Some people are all mouth and as you didn't get in a slanging match with her, she might not bother you again. People like this always get their comeuppance soner or later (I'm talking from experience).
Well done Ripeberry. Really feel for you - sounds like a horrible experience but your head high, take the high ground in a polite controlled way sounds absolutely spot on.
Perhaps think of some other stategies that you can use if needed (always much harder to think on the spur of the moment). But I do feel the head held high, ignoring you approach can work a treat. Gets really boring for them after a while.
Your experience of the mum helps explain why her son has been so rude to you.
I would walk calmly up to one of them, look him in the eye and ask what he's doing or what his name is. If you are scared, do your best not to show it. Stop treating them as 'they' and start reacting to individuals. People aren't so tough when singled out.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. It must be awful. You have to be strong, and face one of them off.
Ripeberry, I actually think children are bullies because they're neglected and bullied at home. That is why the mother shouted at you because she couldn't be arsed to deal with her son. My father had a go at a boy who kept pulling my bra strap, when I was eleven, the boy got a friend to grab him round the neck to make marks and then his parents called the police. 6 years later he was a smackhead robbing his family.... point being no good ever comes to these sorts of kids and you alone will not change them so get help.
Just had a nice glass of wine and had a talk with my DH and we both think, that the mother was out of line. My DD2 is not very well at the moment, has a bit of a fever so i won't be taking DD1 to school tomorrow. But DH may mention to the Headmistress about this woman threatening to give me a "facelift", the cheek of it, when she hardly had any teeth herself. Just got to see how it goes, if she does try to hit me, don't think she would as i'm 5'9'' tall and she was 5'nothing i'll make sure i have plenty of witnesses. Just feel sorry for the boy, he is usually quite polite, never had any trouble before but i think the cooler weather today meant they were bored. Thanks again for all your words of support
Because it seems that it is deemed as an "assault", as it happened on school property then the headmistress had to tell him off. I was brought up to respect my elders and if my kids ever bullied anyone else or had a complaint i would make sure they knew how wrong it was and get them to appologise. Yes, children have rights of course, but not to go abusing other peoples rights including kids and adults.
Posie parker, when she was shouting at me, i just could not help staring at her two massive yellow incisors with nothing around them. Just got me fascinated, don't know why
Ripeberry, be brave, do the right thing and you will come out of this a stronger person. Good on you for asking for feedback from others in such an open way.
On a roll here, i've met a few rough people in my time. My sister in law likes bikers and some of them were scary! We went to a bar in Bath a few years ago to meet his sisters and they had GOLD teeth, because they got into so many fights they had them knocked out and replaced with precious metal. She divorced him after 2 years...thank goodness. I can deal with nasty bullying adults but not kids as i think that it's not really their fault and i do feel sorry for them. Thats why i try not to have confrontations.
Who says you can't shout at them? i have shouted at kids round here...one a few yrs ago used to be mean to my son.Lad was about 6 yrs older thsn my son. One day I flipped and I mean screamed at him, called him a litle fucking shit and he'd better fuck right off. these kids need telling, do not let them think they can intimidate you.
Just an update, the screaming mother actually arrived early at school leaving time and walked up with a friend, but did not even look at me or anything. She went into the school and then the kids came out to go home, but she had still not come out. Now i'm worrying that she is making a complaint about ME, when she was the one making the threats. So, if it was really that serious the school would have got in touch with me by now. We'll have to see on Monday, this is just the reason why it's so difficult to tell kids off, because you are seen as "threatening" them, and its ALWAYS the adult's fault. And i'm coming down with a nasty cold
Perhaps she was called in to speak to the Head about her child??? Or if she was complaining about you the Head's not stupid and will understand the situation. Don't worry about it.
Just act like the strong adult you are. 
Becstar that took some balls, but good on you...... think I woud have called the police aswell!!!! 
