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My oldest sister lives 600 miles away from where my mum lives. I only live 5 miles from my mum. I have an arrangement with my mum whereas she take DS to school and also picks him up 4 days a week, so that I can work. On the friday mum works herself. Sis phoned beginning of week to say that she is going away this week (yest actually) and that her exDH is refusing to have their kids Thurs night even though he has then Wed and then from Friday to Monday. So sis phoned mum and asked her to come 600 miles to babysit. She has paid for her flight which is fine but her friend offered to have the kids for the night but she doesn't want to put her out but is quite happy to have mum lose a days work (friday) and leave me without childcare for the Thursday. Mum wasn't happy about it and initially said she couldn't do it then sis put guilt trip on her saying that me and her are in the same boat and solely rely on mum for sitter. I'm 5 miles down the road though not 500!
Sis's trip is work (or first day of it is work) and she's extended it for pleasure too which is why mum has to go down.
AIBU to be annoyed at her for expecting mum to drop all her commitements (and I'm not just talking about getting my DS) and travel 600 miles to babysit just because she doesn't want to put her friend out even though they offered?
I think you are being a little bit unreasonable. Maybe she feels more comfortable having your mum there, plus it would be nice for your sisters children to see their grandmother.
It sounds like it might be your sister's turn to get some babysitting from your Mum.
I can see why you are annoyed though. Do you have a friend who could do the school run for you - or could you alter your working hours for those few days?
It is great that mum is spending time with other grandkids and do not grudge them it one little bit but this is a paid arrangement between mum and me and I'm having to take unpaid half day from work.
Yes flying 600 miles for one night. She will pick kids up from after school club at six and then drop them off at school in the morning and fly back.
Parents make huge effort to see grandchild are go to visit at least every other month. This is the third time this has happened in the last two months and to be truthful it wouldn't be a problem if we were given more notice. Maybe IABU!
Vito- no he wasn't meant to have them Thurs but sis asked him to helpout as she would be away and he said no
A little unreasonable. Your sister is a single parent going on a work trip. She sounds like she could do with extending it into a mini break for some time to herself.
She is a single parent and doing brilliantly but she is just back from long weekend in Peru, had a fortnights holiday in Egypt in March (which parents went to babysit for) and was away for another long weekend at end of Feb - all pleasure none business. Maybe she is in of a break!!
well, if you both use your mother for childcare I can imagine all sorts of arguments would flare up
can see it from your sister's POV as well: your mum looks after your DS all the time AND you have a partner to help...
anyway, it's really down to your mum and sister. Even if you were paying a CM you would expect to cover holidays and other days when she had committments she couldn't break (you'd prob get a bit more notice though)
YANBU at all! Your mum said no to going 600 miles just to babysit for one night and your sister guilt-tripped her into it even though she had another option (the friend)! I'd be extremely peed off and tell my mum I thought sis was taking the piss but in the end it's still your mum's decision.
Why on earth can't your sis take up the friends offer (assuming the friend is competent to mind the kids), buy her a huge box of chocs afterwards for putting her out - everyone's happy!
In the end you can tell your mum your opinion but it's her choice and not really down to you to get cross because of your school run being disrupted. However, I'd definitely think less of my sis in this situation, seeing as it's for pleasure and she's already had a fair whack of holiday (if she'd never had a holiday and was on the verge of meltdown it would be a different matter).
Plus, unless I've misread, she booked this without having any cover for the Thursday (if she wasn't going to take the friends offer) - she's being very unreasonable, you can't arrange a fanciful holiday without getting your kids sorted out first!
The wednesday away is business but she booked her return flights for the Monday hoping the ex would help and she could go sight seeing for a few days but its a messy divorce and ex said no so she was left stuck
Thats what my dad said when it was all first brought up. He told my mum to tell her that she couldn't go down because she was working so she'd have to come straight back instead of staying out there.
Dad thinks she's got a new man and has taken him with her for a wee dirty weekend
Your mum should have said no if she really didn't want to do it or lose a days pay. You're only pissed off because it inconveniences your childcare arrangements.
Agreed, I am pissed that its inconveniencing my childcare arrangements so take that out of the equation.
I still don't think its been fair to ask my mum to make a 1000 mile round trip for less than 24 hours when someone the kids know well has already offered to have them overnight.
Just feel that it is times like this that sisters take advantage of the fact the mum feels guilty that she doesn't see the rest of the grandkids as much as she does of mine but that can't be helped - am I meant to turn down the support just because it would upset sisters who chose to live hundreds of miles away?
True take the kids out of the equation and it isn't any of my business but at the end of the day she's my mum and I'm the only one that is here and I'm the one that she turns to when she feels cornered by one of my sisters so am I not meant pass opinion on it when she comes to me about thing?
I hope your sister is paying for your mums flights as well, otherwise that is taking the piss. I live in Europe and my ma is in the UK, and I don't ask her to come and babysit for a night, nor would I.
YANBU at all, especially as you employ your mum to do the school run. I think your sister needs to sort herself out. One of the things you accept when you live away from your family is that all the arrangements for childcare and so on come down to you, and you make sure that they are sorted before you do anything else. If I can't arrange a sitter or a sleepover if I want to go out, then dh goes alone, and I stay home. That's life!
You said that your sisters friend could only babysit for one night, but your sister is going to be away for longer than that - which is probably why she wants your Mum to come. Have you put yourself in your sister's shoes? She's on her own, her ex-p has let her down at the last minute and she was probably really looking forward to a weekend away.
If your Mum has a problem with it, fair enough, she should have it out with her.
You sniping about is just comes across as sibling rivalry to me though.
She is away wed, thur, fri, sat and sun. Her ex hasn't let her down - he has the kids his allocated days as per arrangement, wed, fri to mon, just wouldn't agree to have them the thurs as well. She only needs a sitter for one night. Just don't think she should have organised to extend the business trip before checking that she had someone to look after the kids.
Don't think its sibling rivarly just think its unfair but will agree to disagree
she's away in a fortnight for her holiday! 
