oh you have my sympathy...

Yes post when you come back, none of this will go away but sharing makes it easier...and if you post on stately homes you don't get misunderstandings of the real issue

And good luck with this week...perhaps make it a case study...see who is the victim/persecutor/rescuer or bystander...see how many times your family can switch places in one sentance... see where your place is in the family...how do you react? or don't react? It could become interesting...think what you would do in your parents shoes...

Allyxx

Hi ally90.

Your message could not be more timely. I am actually at my parents for a week and they are driving me mad!

I was thinking of perhaps posting when I am come home (and my parents are not downstairs!!). A bit scared of doing so though as I think a lot of people will just think I am being a bit of a snob or being impatient or unreasonable.

Anyway, will see how this week goes.

Thank you - and thanks for the support, it means a lot.

Hi again needamassage

You do know that everyone on the statelys thread says that they should not be there....its traditional

Seriously...kewcumber has a point, her parents behaviour says they love her. My mother told me over and over she loved me...but her behaviour said that she did not. I stifled my emotional abuse by my mother for 28 years because I didn't want to hurt her feelings by talking about it...and I was so angry with her. But I could never say any thing about it...because she came first everytime emotionally...and I had to look after her, emotionally. Stuff how I felt...it was all about mum...or my sister who was also emotionally needy.

Even if you feel your childhood was 'not that bad' perhaps post about your childhood...the bits that made you angry or sad...and see what others think on the Stately's thread...elsewhere you may get a mixed bag of responses...on our thread we're all attuned to the 'unspoken' messages of parents.

I really feel you need help with this if you are feeling so angry and hurt...and you cannot talk to your parents about it...

allyxx

neither my mum nor my dad have ever said they love me. Never saw a problme with that, they behave like they did, I never worried that they didn't.

Hi Ally90!

Yes! have been looking at your thread with a lot of interest.

How some people can call themselves parents I don't know. Would feel a bit of a fraud compared to a lot of people who have had so much pain and abuse in their childhoods.

I know without a doubt that my parents love me but they live in their own little bubble and are unspeakably irritating and have hurt me in many other ways.

I hope your situation gets better. You are helping lots of people with your thread. It helps just getting it all off your chest. I suspect (and I include myself in this) people say a lot more on MN that they would to a counsellor face to face.

Total sympathy....my mother would do the baby talk...

Answering phone to one of my friends when I was in my 20's them in their 40's...she would put up her voice by 10 octaves 'oh I'll just go and get her for you!'

Insisting that my dp call her 'mumsy'

When I was a child and upset she would put out her pet lip and say 'waats duh matter wit yoooouuu?' which made me feel as if I had some sort of mental problem...

And what made me was the fact she was never there emotionally for me...but she could do the baby voice and say she 'loved me' a million and one times...shame the actions never matched her words...

Have you heard of the Stately Homes thread? you sound as if you need some company with your family problems

Yuck!

That sounds horrible! Poor you!

My dad had a friend (female) and she did it too-really high pitched baby talk-what is the matter with them?!!!!!!!!!

Oh gosh - my mum does this and it drives me insane. She is emotionally needy and is desperate for me to return with an 'I love you too' (which I just can't choke out) and I'm not sure if it's worse or not but says it in the 3rd person 'Mummy wuvs you darling'. I cannot STAND it.

MIL says 'Hewo' to DD rather than 'hello' which also drives me mad . I'm just not one for baby talk, even to babies!

Thanks you Kitsmummy-he drives me insane.

I will never be like this with my DS. My dad has embarrassed me so much over the years.

He's like Jim Royale. He farts and burps in public. Have asked him not to but he says he can't keep it in.

He is so rude about people (calls black people n**$&rs). I was in tears at that and he apologised but still didn't think he had said anything wrong.

He is greedy and if we are having a meal with family or anyone he will help himself to more before others have even filled their plate.

He either has no social graces or he just does not care.

My mum once told me she felt sorry for me having him as my dad!

All of the above is just a small taster!

I's so tired of feeling like this, it's so draining...I get so mad sometimes I cry out of frustration! My DH gets outraged on my behalf and he can't stand him but that makes it worse as I have his anger to deal with as well. Sometimes wish he would just say "Yes, he is bad but don't get upset" and give me a hug.

Sorry- you probably weren't expecting me to reply with all of this!

Completely understand where you're coming from (not cos I have a dad like that, mine's great), if your dad's a twat it's bad enough, if he then tops it off with weeing and a voice like that I'm not surprised you're close to spewing. YANBU

Thank you purpleduck!

Maybe one day I will bore let you know the full details!

Should have just had a G&T instead last night and fumed quietly.

Fair enough

I have dispensed some support vibes..

Fair point Purpleduck!

Not sure if I can bear to regurgitate it all again (having raked over it all with counsellors over the years).

I was just so mad I couldn't stop myself going on MN and having a rant.

maidamess, you really made me laugh.

Needamessage- if you want proper sympathy, you need to be a bit more specific on the "shit". Sorry, not prying, but too many of us have/had dads who were emotionally...dim.

Sounds like you have got a lot more going on than just him saying 'I wuv you' in a pukey voice.

dads are weird, i'd just accept it if i were you

Oh dear, a friend of ours does this with his 9 year old and even she finds it annoying!

he might say it even.....

Maidamess - he might say but you wouldn't think he did if I told you the shit I have had to put up with over the years.

These things are easy to say but you need someone to show it.

I would happily never see him again

yanbu at all, he sounds most annoying.

Yes YABU! My Dad hasn't told me he loves me in all of my 38 years. At least yours says it (so what if he's urinating at the time?!)

Aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrggggghhhhhhhh!!!!

Have just come off the phone from my dad who has obviously been drinking as he is a bit slurry (that's a WHOLE other subject!).

Not, only that - he went to the toilet when I was talking to him - I heard it...

I also have to listen to my mum whittering in the background and him breaking off to comment back to her.

The, when he is saying goodbye he starts with the baby talk "Bye Bye Dwarling, Wuv you" [makes gagging motions].

FFS....I am nearly 40. I don't need it. It makes me angry. It even makes me want to cry. I have zero respect for him.

I may sound a bit harsh but there is a lot more that I won't go into at this point in time.

He makes me fume .

AIBU???