Ds2 (4) has had tearful moments over the idea that ds1 (6) will get a party bag at his friend's (McDonalds) party. If I take him I know they will both ask for an extra party bag and it could be highly embarrassing, but OTOH will the hosts really begrudge giving him one? they always seem to have extra ones and I do give bags to siblings if they appear. Also we have given a substantial present.

lol

ds2 has to learn that he doesn't get them. He'll soon have his own parties and be getting one himself. I remember this nightmare because ds was the same. Perhaps ds1 will give him a sweet or something?

or just leave ds2 at home when you pick up (if you have someone else at home)

If they have extra party bags, and offer one to your DS2, that's great - although I wouldn't let me DC ask for an extra one.

If they don't have extra party bags, you'll just have to tell DS2 that he can't have one.

Sometimes life is tough!

4 is old enough not to "ask' for a party bag even if he was invited to the party!

my

I don't think it matters if you've given a 'substantial present' thought, that's hilarious that you think that's a reason for 2 party bags.
life is tough
maybe your 6 year old could share a sweet - that's what I do when this happens. And it works the other way when the other way too

, it is not your party, so you do not merit a party bag. Tough

So.... if you had given a lesser present you wouldn't expect a party bag ??

oops
I meant they both share their bags when only one has gone and the other hasn't - usually just a chocolate or sticker or sweet

I shall do this now. I shall judge the quality and cost of presents, and allot party bags accordingly

I never have extra party bags and would be shocked to be expected to provide them for siblings merely coming along with a parent at pick-up time.... if I did have one spare because someone had not shown up that would be another thing but I wouldn't have them to hand as a matter of course...

yabu. totally. 4 is old enough to know you don't ask for party bags.

Ok, so concensus is to leave him at home (luckily dh is here). At most parties I have attended they do give to siblings and in some cases they sent one anyway for ds2 even when he wasn't there.

Just tough I am afraid! He has to learn that he will not always be treated equally and, in this instance, he wasn't invited to the party. They should both be told that it is rude to ask. I hate the whole expectation of party bags-perhaps there won't be any! You could encourage DS1 to share his party bag with DS2. I don't think the value of the present has any bearing on it!

I suppose the fact that he does usually get one from ds1's parties is what has confused him. All ds1's friends' mums know he has a younger brother, as do I with regard to other friends' siblings.

oh yes, just don't take him and avoid the issue. I did that with ds a fair bit till he got the hang of not getting one. I actually think for quite a long time ds thought he was dd's other half iyswim.

I wouldnt have spare party bags. Round here the child usually opens the presents after the party, so the value of the present wouldnt be known at the time the child went home (not that I think the value of the present makes a difference )
My children wouldnt think about getting a party bag if they hadnt been invited, though they will share the sweets with each other.

I alwayys have spare party bags, and I'll pay for siblings, if it's a play area party, but I'd be if I thought people expected that from me!

It's not that it is expected, just hoped for (by ds2). He is now wandering around with some 2ps he has found, asking if it is enough to buy a toy lol.

I must be a real old curmudgeon! I don't understand children getting presents on their sibling's birthdays, and the idea of giving a party bag to the siblings of one of my dcs guests strikes me as being bizarre. What if there are 5 children in ths family - do you do 4 extra party bags?

And the 'substantial present" left me a bit [shocked] too! Is there a sliding scale of party bags? How do you know in advance who gets what?!

The "substantial present" is neither here nor there; a four year old is old enough to understand that he isn't going to get a party bag. Him hoping is fine, but you seem to be expecting them to give him one which is probably going to give him the idea that he deserves one.

What's wrong with teaching children that they can't automatically have whatever they want? It's a lesson they have to learn sometime, and really four is not too old.

Dd's birthday party is next weekend, and any sibling who expects a party bag is going to be very disappointed ...

Some of my friends have 4 kids - that's a hell of a lot of 'extra' party bags if they all wanted one . Get ds 1 to share or leave ds2 at home - not easy I know, but they have to learn that they can't have everything!

Blimey, I didn't think it was really such a big deal. I agree that the present is not an issue and it was wrong to take that into account, and he will of course learn these life lessons but it is actually the norm at ds' school for them to give bags to siblings who are there. I really don't think they mind. I was certainly not expecting a bag for ds2, he didn't get one and he is fine.

I would be a bit miffed if a child asked for an extra bag for their sibling to be honest, parties cost alot and extra bags just in case a sibling wants one all add up. I would not let my dds ask that [if need be I would tell them before we went to the party that they were not to ask in fact]

Why would you do spare bags? When I did them I did one per child, there would only be a spare if someone didn't turn up.

At places like McDonalds and some other venues where parties are held, they always have extra ones. I wanted to guage how unreasonable it would be and obviously it is very unreasonable.

Well saadia, you did ask . Its amazing how worked up we get about such things!

DD seems to handle 'disapointment' best if I announce to her well upfront how things will be.

What if you simply said to ds2 - 'we're going to pick up ds1 from a birthday party, and I'm sorry but there won't be any extra party bags'. By handling it in that way, ds2 knows what to expect, and won't get his hopes up....at least, in theory.

disappointment

I know, it was supposed to be light-hearted. I guess people really mind, and I guess I am probably a bit too indulgent of four year olds.

YABU totally ! you can't always get what you want ...they have to learn

it'll be tatty shite in the bags anyway !

A four year old can ask for a party bag but if it wasn't her party I would tell her that she couldn't have one. I certainly wouldn't expect the host to give an extra one, however much I'd paid for the present!

Sorry but I have never ever heard of party bags being given to uninvited siblings and cannot understand how this could ever be the "norm" anywhere! Totally ridiculous.

It may be a cultural thing, most of the children at ds1s' school are either Indian, Sri Lankan or Arab. If a sibling arrives at drop off they are often invited to stay, this has happened before with ds2, extra chairs are hastily arranhed and arrangements made for extra plates anhd food. At ds1's last party a baby sister came and she was invited to stay. It really does happen.

Not in my party bags it wouldn't be tatty shite

Which is another reason they won't be given away to siblings - even "tatty shite" costs a fair bit when you're buying for a number of children.

I once had three parents turn up with siblings in tow, expecting to be able to leave them at the party. I gritted my teeth and let them ... and then had to scrape together food and party bags for the five extra children. The parents probably thought I was OK with it because I said they could stay, but it actually made me very cross, and I'd suggest that maybe the parents who you think are OK with it aren't as happy about it as you might think.

My kids have recieved party bags which must have cost more then the value of the present I gave to the birthday child (not that I'm stingy btw, but some people are extrememly generous)

I really don't mind myself if that happens and at nephew's party SIL didn't mind either when extra siblings turned up expecting to stay. When ds1 was at nursery they were not allowed to hand out sweets so people sent little things like pencils etc. Ds2 was one of three younger siblings and they also were given these things.

You bunch of tight-fisted harridans.

When DS has parties I will have MOUNTAINS of bags and I will be adored by children and parents alike.

<Swishes hair>

I did (when ds had parties) always have spare bags but I think the principal here is to learn that you don't always get something - children need to learn to cope with that because life's a bit tough and can be disappointing - it isn't going to kill them !

My dcs know that they always share their party bags with each other

I have to henestly say i always do abotu 10 extra bags than needed anyway,and i go to a lot of effort for party bags... the ones for Ds's 3rd birthday (tea party at my perents house) worked out to cost me around £4 each...possibly more than some spent on presents, but its just somethign i do....

HOWEVER- i would never expect anyone to give dd a party bag if she had to come along... she's always been invited in the past, but next weekend ds has been invited to his first party of his nursery friends, parents stay sort of thing, but i'm gonna pay £4 in bus fares to drop off and collect dd with my mum and not 'invite her' myself...

I always do a few extra party bags but would be horrified if I thought anyone was expecting me to do so. At DD's last party a couple of older siblings turned up (play area) - they proved really helpful with the little ones as well so they got party bags and seemed really happy with them even though contents were aimed at 2 year olds

i had 10 extra party bags at dd's recent party but that is because 10 ignorant people did not bother to tell me if they would be there or not.

it was nice being able to hand out the extra bags to siblings of the children who did come but had the original 10 turned up the siblings would have been given nothing.

So really if you have extra then you don't mind handing them out, if you don't have extra then you obviously can't hand them out so don't have to worry.

But, for the sake of argument, and out of curiosity, would you mind paying the extra pound or whatever for McDonalds/Burger King bags?

saadia, I think you are right , it is a cultural thing. Going by my friends from various places in Asia, casual present giving is a bigger thing there - eg I was taken aback to be given Christmas presents for my children by a woman I had only chatted to at the school gates - had to rush out and get some for hers! Another friend always sends dd home with loads of sweets, etc for her and her brothers.

Well we had about 14 children to dd1's party so if bags were £1 each that would be around £14 extra [for each child's sibling] that is alot to us