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Thats it really, he has never outwardly said "fuck me, id wish you would not do that" but he has made little comments about it taking up too much of my time and that he is not keen about me discussing our private life on here.
I know that there was Subaroos thread, about this, and i was going to post on there but i didnt want it to appear that i was not supporting her, her situation is blatantly quite different, and i only hope she returns soon having been a great support to me in the past few months.
It did make me wonder though about how our partners feel about it, i know i feel guilty about being on Mnet sometimes and my DP just doent get the attraction/addiction. So honestly girls, do you feel guilty about MN sometimes and what do your partners really think, if anything?
DP always seems quite interested by what I'm reading, especially if I'm giggling to myself- doesn't seem to have a problem with it. He doesn't 'get' it though
my dh doesnt really get it, he's better about it now. when i had my ep last feb everyone was so lovely and supportive that he was overwhelmed and understood a little better. however, now that i am doing ok he doesnt see why i need mn and doesnt understand that i have formed real friendships on here!
I think dh 'gets' my addiction in as much as he understand that I 'need' it but hs does sometimes mention that I get mor done and feel better when I spend more time off it and he is right
I hadn't done a virus chack for ages, so I did one and there was a keylogger on my PC. There aren't many folk with enough skill to put one on have access to my pc, so I'm guessing it was him.
Only other candidates Au Pair - who was lovely and now gone, Builder - who used to let himself in my office and check his email on my time or our pc expert chappie - who comes and sorts out problems.
He isn't that keen at all and often comes into my office and has a look and a moan. Although the other day he sent me a link for a new forum in case I was interested, perhaps he wants me away from the pitchfork weilding harpies to somewhere fluffier!
My DP doesn't mind it and does know that I slaghimoff post about him at times. I rarely come online when he is here though so it doesn't impact our time together.
I occasionally get a "house is a tip but bet you've been MNetting today" teasing type comments, he is normally right
i rarely come on MN tbh, hardly get the time (today ds is off to grandparents for the day so i'm off to get hair cut shortly and just leisurely taking my time unlike normal!). good on you girls for getting online so much!
DH can't complain - he has his own little group of Captain Scarlet fan fic writers & is always on the forum or MSN with them. He also goes on the BBC Have your Say forum but he says the level of intelligence on MN is much better. I'm always expecting him to pop up on here one day!
Imo it's the reverse of us not getting why they need to play computer games.
That being said, I do kind of sympathize as a lot of people post quite personal information on here - how many would be happy for their O's to post about your personal lives on the internet?
I do think dh would rather I didn't spend quite as much time on here, but on the other hand if we're ever talking about something he'll say "well what does mumsnet say?". But then I've never posted to complain about him on here so maybe he doesn't feel as threatened by it.
well dh thinks it's brilliant when we have a problem/question and i say "i'll go on mumsnet" and is always amazed by how brilliant the answers are, e.g. dd's egg allergy, plants for front garden, recommendations for a book on dealing with over-independent stroppy 4 year olds, etc etc.
however i don't think he has any idea i am on it most days on all sorts of random subjects... thinks i'm working / checking e-mail probably!
I suppose that some men see MN as a little threatening [sp]because we MNs deal with such different and diverse topics maybe if The hubbys/partners were to have a forum prodominatly [sp] for men us girls would feel the same and lets face it anything that keeps us outta the kitchen/bedroom is bound to --piss them off-- upset them.
Mine has a chatroom of his own, where they all talk about cars. Boooorrriinnnggg.
We were discussing the other night about how people now have a real-life social life and an online social life. I think he likes MN because he knows it stops me from being quite so isolated; I have a small baby and I live in a country where I can't speak the language, so some days without MN I would have no human interaction at all between 6.30am and 8pm.
All that said, neither of us would ever discuss anything deeply personal online.
when i was with my exh ,he used to get the right arse about it
firstly he would tell me not to mention him at all on here, then when i was sleeping he would find all the posts i made, and come wake me up in the middle of the night, ranting about the fact i hadnt mentioned him, and it meant i didnt love him
My dp wouldn't be interested in reading anything I posted and knows that I've posted awful things about him, he thinks it's better than confiding in friends sometimes and likes hearing what other people think. He does think I spend far too much time on here though!
dh would not be happy at all if i discussed anything personal on mn, so i don't. i talk to my rl friends about stuff like that and just use mn for a bit of fun and the odd bit of advice
dh has no problem with it at all. he has his own (fishing) chat room (yawn) and sees MN as superb resource and great place for me to vent/get support. it's a bit suspect isn't it, all this dp objection. bit controlling?
DH does get a bit pissed off by the amount of time I spend on here, but MN has been my lifeline during my maternity leave and it is hard to just switch off when he gets in.
Anyway, if I'm not one here he is just fart arsing around on Macrumors or something <yawn>
Dh doesn't mind care if I'm on it or not, gives him time to have DD on his own. He sometimes says about a certain situation, 'oh you start a thread on MN and see what they say' or if there is something we are not quite sure of with regards to DD, he will say ask MN.
i personally think its better to rant on here about my partner if i need to because if you rant to friends or family your partner might then feel weird around them or your friends opinion of you and your partner might change, where as on here no one knows you and you get advice that aint one sided, people you dont know often give better advice that aint bias.
in our case it's not controlling, i've made myself too easily identifiable on here due to what we both do work wise and given that we both have a web presence as our rl selves, it would be really embarrassing if someone linked it all.
but if i really needed to vent about something, i'd just do it under a different name
I think dh is vaguely uneasy about it- as he would be if I took up smoking, or drinking 20 cups of coffee day. Any addiction, when viewed from the outside, is mildly disconcerting. Still, he admits that it comes a good deal cheaper than the Gin and Its that were his Mum's little weakness.
I don't think it's controlling though. If he was preventing me from going on there/was reading my posts and arguing with me about them I would say it was controlling. but it's no different to women saying they would rather their dh didn't play so much football/spend so much time on the xbox/down the pub. I'm sure there are things that don't get done because of peoples' mn'ing, in the same way things don't get done because of dh's time on the xbox.
A keylogger shows huge insecurity/mistrust though and that would annoy me.
DH hates that i will come on here and ask for advice before asking him or something... He's not an 'internet' person, and rarely wants to discuss things, and if he's unsure he'll just not bother.... MEN eh!!!
I met my OH through another forum and it's been hard not being able to post about my relationship (I used to post about how unhappy I was about my ex all the time) but I try to respect the fact that as we're both on there it's unfair to spill my guts infront of mutual friends. We've both slipped up, but have basically agreed not to post about any bad things.
However I was using this forum to post some stuff using this name and an alter ego. OH knows I am on here and also reads. I've always been open about it as I first came here to talk about ttc but I know now that posting as an alter about a couple of things recently really did piss him off. I had no idea he knew my alterego, but discovered he was reading stuff and getting upset. I actually requestted that those threads be deleted.
Since I've joined I have sometimes seen stuff posted by members about their OHs and wondered how they (the OHs) might feel about the judgements people make about them as we are only getting oone side of the story. People on here can be really harsh with their opinions sometimes.
DH is a bit of an internet addict too - mostly for finding out information or reading news online.
He knows I go on "parenting forums", because when DS1 was small I found out loads of info and now he (like a pp's DH) also tells me to ask online if we have a worry/query.
He doesn't know the name of the forum and I think would be a bit if he knew just how much time I spend here.
However, I don't have as much interaction with my RL friends as I would like (living abroad) so it is lovely for me to socialise.
So all in all don't think he has a problem with it - I do go on it in the evenings when he's here, but he's on the other PC anyway or working so it's no problem to him.
Only time he moans is when I come to bed too late because of it.
I only started joining in because DH was always giggling to his "friends" on a sporting chatsite and it annoyed me I thought "I'll see how he likes it" so its all his fault. He hardly ever goes on his other site now but even he asks what do mnetters think about blah blah blah
I have found DH lurking on here before - he seems to find it faintly amusing. He especially enjoys the threads where people are moaning about their DHs. I think they give him a (wholly misplaced) sense of oneupmanship .
Unless a keylogger can be added by a site you visit, and no I've never opened any NatWest scam emails, like a cookie it must have been done for a reason.
TBH I don't now enough about pc to know how it got there.
The builder is a pal of dh's and very juvenile, so it could have easily been him - but I can't see why he would do it, apart from being a pratt I suppose.
DH didn't 'fess up' when I said, "You'll never guess what was on my pc?"
ssyf I used spybot search and destroy which finds/removes cookies etc.
Bloody hell, I'd be FURIOUS if my dh put a keylogger on.
Dh thinks mn is a good thing. He has sometimes said "come and talk to me" and has therefore wanted me to get off but on the whole he sees it as something that's important to me and a place where I've met a lot of close RL friends.
I don't think that keylogging thing is unusual. I set up a blog on the pc before I met my ex, and somehow (????) he posted loads of nasty comments on it, and then deleted the whole lot.
He was threatened by mumsnet, but I only EVER posted anything bad about him after I'd left. Now I can tap away to my hearts content. And it's free....
I don't think dh has an opinion about mn either way really, he knows my posting name and he sometimes reads things over my shoulder in passing, while I'm reading but, I wouldn't post anything on here that I wouldn't be happy for him to read. I get the impression he just thinks it's one of those things I do, like knitting, just like he has things he does, like play cricket and watch football.
He most certainly wouldn't bother going to the trouble of putting a keylogger on the pc, my mind boggles at that.
My dh isn't keen, esp with the idea I might be discussing our personal life on here (some of which has not been good recently) but I think he has accepted that it is something I do. Having said that, he was whinging about being an OU widower the other day as I was frantically trying to finish an assessment
There is internet addiction, you know just like addiction to gambling, sex, cocaine etc., There is a 12 step programme to deal with it and the same compulsions are seen in its use as with some other addictions. Therefore some people on MN will have that and use will be excessive and others won't.
Second issue is disclosure of marital secrets/disloyalty, crticising a partner on line and the risk someone you know will find out nd even if there is no such risk whether it['s wrong to do it. Would posters be happy if their husbands were posting elsewhere about the wives having put on 2 stone or not being very good at oral sex for example?
psycho - rotfl about the axe murderer comment, i have a few male friends who i chat to on AOL IM, DP often says that i could be talking to a serial killer!! I am very open with DP about my online "friends", its just idle chit chat and mild flirtation, i would always, and often have, had these chats with him reading over my shoulder. I would HATE him to read my MN posts though, even if they are not about him, even if it isnt my thread. I dont know why, i think its because he doesnt take it seriously and would take the piss maybe.
I have to say though, despite Mnet being a great support for lots of reasons, i do find i feel better when i limit my use - i have tried this week to limit it to evenings when he puts DD to bed (he falls asleep up there so is up there for ages ) and i have to say, i do feel loads better and have got lots more done.
he used to like the fact that i posted my paranoid rants on here rather than annoying him when i was very depressed,however he doesnt like me reading the relaionship threads as they have been known in the past to fuel my paranoia.he also doesnt understand why i am bothered by the opinions of people who could be a load of hairy truckers for all i know
however,he likes the fact i have something to do while he's playing world of wankcraft.
dh would prefer i didn't but i tend to mn while i'm working (or when i'm taking a wee breather) so he can't complain. plus he is a lurker on forums to do with his interests.
if he put a keylogger on my computer i'd flip, but then i don't tend to say much about him on here i hope as i kind of think it's not my business to.
I don't think mine really knows about MN (my other online presence is of much longer standing that this one, so he knows about that one). He does now do the thing of happily saying 'oh, you can ask your online people' and really does expect the little people inside the computer to have the answer to just about everything (erm, as do I).
He did cause me to have a complete epiphany when DD was 2 by saying 'I just don't know why you want reassurance from these people who don't even know' and I thought well, it's because my entire bloody life I've NEVER had reassurance that I'm doing the right thing from people I DO know.
So he lives with it.
More happily since we got the laptop so I can have that, and he can hog the PC burning every single TV programme DD has ever expressed an interest in onto a DVD.
Any time I ask my DP to do something around the house he responds with "Is this a mumsnet thing?"
It's my own fault I told him once I made a tenner from him being the first DP/DH on mumsnet to clean the fridge when asked. I thought it was a funny joke at the time but boy has it rebounded on me big time.
dp totally gets mn as he has his own forums. he reckons he comes out quite well compared to some of the horrid dhs/dps on here. he does threaten to troll to wind me up though .
Dp is quite about mumsnet things, if I ever come out with something new or some nugget of information he always knows that I have got it from mumsnet lol. But then again he has his games and forums he visits, so he understands.
DH loves it. He'll ask me to ask Mumsnet if we want to settle an argument. Even my doctor tells me to post about my PND. I used a thread I'd started to 'tell' her how I felt, printed it out and didn't have to say a word.
keystrokemethod of recording all keystrikes on a keyboard. widely available and intrusive way of looking at what you enter, where you visit, retrieve passwords etc
my dh is v. glad it keeps me occupied thereby giving him ample chance to do what he would like to do.
i do understand the time thing, if you are on the computer and he thinks it is impinging on time you would other wise have together - then thats fair commment
however as far as personal stuff goes - why would you tell him what you post?
DP calls it "noseybitches.com", and makes jokes about middle-class twinset-wearers. Although he's full of sarcasm about it I do think he's got an inkling that Mumsnet provided massive support to me through some very dark days when DS was tiny and incredibly challenging and we were really, really struggling. Without the help and advice I got here I really dread to think what would have happened, but looking back it you lot probably saved me from PND and saved DS from who knows what. I think deep down he realises it's not all just idle chatter, there are some very serious and valid things going on in here (between the grape-eating outrages and the parent-and-child parking debates, that is).
Having said that he can spend hours on end playing online games into the middle of the night so he can't really comment too much
or our pc expert chappie - who comes and sorts out problems.
and lets face it anything that keeps us outta the kitchen/bedroom is bound to --piss them off-- upset them.
