a friend of mine is quite oblivious to the fact that her DD drinks approx 2 cups of coffee a day by taking sips from Mummy's mug.
There have even been occasions when she has had her own teeny cup (an espresso one) to be luike Mummy.

Am i being unreasonable? i don't think so as i've read that even one cup of coffee can affect your sleep patterns as an adult.

Her DD doens't sleep well...

I have hinted on a number of occasions that 'oh dear she's just had a sip - you won't sleep tonight' and so on but, oh I don't know, she doesn't seem to get it.

Am i being unreasonable?

YANBU

No No No No No

YANBU

Stupid behaviour

thank you!!!!
what could i do to try and disuade her??

You can't dissuade her, really, it's her life (but sadly also the child's)

At your house, always secretly switch her to decaff.

it's absolutely, positively, none of your business

I think YABU going round to your friend's house and then coming on here to slag off her parenting

My dd on a Saturday morning has a very milky,very weak,decaff coffee and loves it- is that so bad?
Two cups of "normal" coffee however would be a complete no no for me.

i let my dc have tea (never near bedtime though)
but coffee NO WAY!

I don't know where you get this 'two cups' figure from either

you are just assuming

exaggerating as well I imagine

My nephew used to be given coffee when just 7 or 8 yo. Then he was diagnosed as hyperactive and put on drugs. They still kept giving him coffee tho. Fucking stupid if you ask me.

What Cappuccino said.

It is absolutely none of your business. You can't force her to take on your standards, and you stand to risk the friendship if you try and dictate to her what she can or can't do with her child.

DD and DS sometimes have an espresso cup with very milky filter coffee in it at breakfast time at the weekend. Sometimes they drink it, sometimes they don't. I was a bit when DH suggested they could, but really, I don't think it does too much harm. I've wondered in the past how much caffeine is in a bit of coffee compared to how much is in chocolate but don't know how to find out.

how do you know she is having 2 cups a day if shes only taking sips?

ive seen people give children that age coke,whats the difference?(apart from that coffee probably has less crap in it)

Average cup of instant coffee 75mg caffeine
Average mug of instant coffee 100mg caffeine
Average cup of brewed coffee 100mg caffeine
Average cup of tea 50mg caffeine
Regular cola drink up to 40mg caffeine
Regular energy drink up to80mg caffeine
Plain chocolate bar up to 50mg caffeine – milk chocolate has around 50% caffeine content of plain chocolate

from here

so tea isn't that much better

and chocolate has caffeine in it

and we have no idea how what formula you have used to work out how many sips constitutes 2 cups

I think Jackie's approach is lovely

i would never let ds have coffee but thats only because he is a hyper madman at the best of times

I personally wouldn't give my DC tea or coffee, and you of course are free to decide what you give your own, but you are being unreasonable to comment on it if a friend thinks it's okay. Beyond the first mention of 'Are you sure she'll sleep alright?' it would be very bad manners to harp on about it every time you meet.

My SIL & BIL give their 2yo ds coffee. They think it's hilarious that he's always asking for "Daddy's coffee". Not something I would ever do, but each to their own.

DD keeps trying to sip at my coffee. The other day I let her have a try and she spluttered it everywhere, said "mummy its yuck" and hasn't tried since

Oh and YABU - up to your friend

It's not ideal but I think YABU- mother's choice

I personally wouldn't give my DC tea or coffee (although mine don't even get fruit shoots), but I don't think you can judge other people (well yes, you can judge, just don't say anything).

Disregard Cappucino. She obviously has a vested interest

dd finishs every mug of tea i have as she loves it, she also takes sips of my coffee when we're out (don't drink it much at home)

don't see any problem with it, dd is 3 and she never gets hyper from it (i don't tend to get any effects like that from coffee either for that matter).

YABU, tis no harm to the child and is absolutely none of your business

I had no doubt that Cappucino would be of the YABU variety!

Thanks for all the feedback, I will back off and sit at a table trying to write down my sips/cups formula.... with a cup of Mocha...

I reckon that a sip must equate to approx 10-15 ml (based on 2 - 3 medicine spoons). Any more than that, and you are describing a gulp. My Denby mugs take 250 ml each (sad I know, but I have just measured it).

That means to have 2 cups of coffee a day, the child must be having 35 to 50 sips a day.
[pathetic emoticon]

I bet there are aspects of your parenting your friend disagrees with...

Each to their own.

I would say 35 to 50 sips a day is far more than any child would have!!

agree with the others that it's none of your business.

And I don't think that secretly switching them to decaff is a good solution! Decaff isn't that good for you either. It contains a lot of chemicals other than caffeine.

if your going to get all het up about chemicals in a child system then caffeine is the least of your worries anyway. E numbers have been conclusively linked to ADHD, start checking your food labels and you might be a little at how many chemicals (far more damaging than caffeine) your own family has been consuming.

my kids eat mostly organic, non wheat, non cows milk, low salt, E number and miscellaneous chemicals free foods. as all their having is caffeine and suger i'd say i'm doing a bit better than most parents out there who don't see any harm in anything that claims to be 'suger free' or 'low fat' on the packet

'child's system'

Yes YABU because unless she asks for your opinion it is none of your business!
She has sips FFS! Do your children have a completely none chemical diet? Never have sweets/chocolate (which has as much caffiene in it btw!) biscuits? The odd cup of coffee will not harm the child. Actually giving coke and fizzy drinks is worse as it fills them up so they eat less and get less calories than they need.

If she wants to give her it regularly though she should use decaff imo.

Try telling my 21 month old DS. He's a little bugger for grabbing my nearly empty mug and taking a swig . How can such a young child possibly like coffee - I don't even really like it. Beats me.

DS and I would visit my Gran every day. I would leave ds with my gran and her cup of coffee whilst I hoovered/made the beds/her evening meal etc. I hadn't realised that my gran was letting him drink sips of her coffee until I walked in and caught him saying, mine, mine, now nannna, ta, with his hands stretched out. i got wise to that and started giving him a VERY milky decaf of his own, whilst I did my Nans chores.

Well my 3 yo loves coffee, he is also finishing the dregs and likes nothing better than the froth off of a cappucino. If he asks for a hot drink though, it's normally a tea he wants.

Tbh, I'd be thanking your lucky stars that you don't have any problems of your own to worry out. It's none of your business.

So, you object to a child drinking caffeine. . . a naturally occurring chemical, yet, merely judging by your nickname, you're happy to smother your own child in plastics and other random chemicals to "clean" them?
Think you may have to have a look at your own life before judging other's, don't you think?
I know it's difficult for people to understand but, as has already been pointed out, there's not a lot of difference in caffeine content between coffee and tea so, unless you're really aware of the chemical basis of everything, which I'm guessing you're not if you're using Johnson's products, then maybe just don't jump on your high horse about this sort of thing.

Are you really sure that this child is having 2 cups of coffee every day, through sipping?

Use your brain please.

FWIW, the half-life of caffeine in a child's body is virtually that of an adult from only a few months old, so even if the child was drinking a full-on quart of the good stuff (i'm exaggerating here, let's just assume a regular cup) at, say, noon, it'd be gone by 6 or 7pm.
i've let DS have a drop of my coffee simply because he asks repeatedly...he pulls a face and goes off the idea for a few days
your hints are probably not falling on deaf ears, OP, she's probably choosing to ignore you because they do sound rather tiresome and intrusive

i am very happy to have been in my place everyone
thank you for pointing out how very unreasonable I am being

I listen and will stop

FTR my DS has minimal caffiene products, and i'll try to keep it that way
But POINT TAKEN

I was going to say YABU but just read your post above

I thnk there are worse things to be drinking. I loved tea as a child.

If it was vodka, on the other hand, there would be cause for concern.....!

YANBU I do not understand why parents can not say no? Yes children are bombarded with e numbers and chemicals in their food, but if we try and avoid them then less will be consumed. To actively encourage a 2 year old to have caffeine is certainly not something I would do and yes I would ask about it. You can not change your friend's mind but I think it is good to be challenged and questioned - how else do we learn things from another perspective.

thanks for your comment CilC

i was concerned but i have climbed down now as i realise its not thec crime of the century

it isn't the only thing my friend does that i disagree with and i'm sure viceversa

My ds has been having the last mouthful of DH's coffee in a morning since he was 2....it used to drive me bonkers, but it's now something they do together, DS will sit on daaddy's knee waiting for the last bit. Its one or 2 mouthfuls a morning, he never gets any hyperness or anything. DD has just turned 2 and i dont mind DH allowing her a mouthful either....they get far much more crap from some of the other things they have!! and its nice to watch the pair of them share with daddy!!

if they want a hot drink at any other part of the day its a warm milk or sometimes a very milky decaf tea.... but i dotn see the harm in it at all!!

I am suck a bad mother i dip dd dummy in my frothy milk when i go out and have a coffee. Never the coffee just the milk and chocolate sprinkles. She loves it (has started dropping her dummy in my cup at home now though and she is only one...

my kids have 'babychinnos' when they go out, but this is just frothy milk!! DD1 likes coffee and will have the odd sip or two, but she is 9

I wouldn't had let my own have coffee at such a young age. Yet in view of the statistics quoted by Cappuccino, perhaps it would feel a bit hypocritical to comment on the coffee and not say anything if they were given chocolate or cola drinks. And I am sure I have sat next to toddlers eating chocolate buttons without trying to interfere in any way.

DS2(10)has a wheat and dairy allergy.

Since he was about 8, he has enjoyed treating himself to the occasional soya decaff cappuccino when we go to town.

We are often confronted by judgy tutters, who feel it is their place to loudly comment about the evils of children drinking coffee.

Things are not always as they seem.

YANBU to think this is wrong.
I was given coffee as a child by my bl*y stupid mother. As an older child, I had mood swings. By the time I was doing my A levels, I had full blown depression that lasted for 10 years.
I stopped drinking coffee altogether in my early 20s, because I was having violent mood swings, and nightmares, which were then somewhat alleviated.
I drink coffee now, but my children don't. I am fairly sure that drinking it as a child contributed to my problems. It is not a children's drink, and parents should just say no.

I do understand why, and I'm really not judging, but I might stifle a giggle at an 8 year old ordering a "soya decaff cappuccino" (says the woman whose son asked "is it buffalo mozarella" )

TFM, I know, the ordering is amusing, and DS2 does think he is a bit of a hot shot!
The staff are very indulgent of him, luckily.

It's the couples draped over each other in the corner, reading Proust aloud, and only breaking off in order to criticise my parenting skills re lack of caffeine restriction that piss me off.

God - a coffee shop with soya decaff capp-drinking children and Proust-spouting Bright Young Things .

I would disgrace myself I'm afraid

jesus, where do you live?

i don't think our local coffee shop would even know what soya milk is and as for proust-spouting, i imagine it would be very dimly viewed by the farmers, buliders and truckers in for their sambo and tea

There is some research going on at the moment into giving children with ADHD caffe3ine to CALM them down, after all, ritalin is a stimulant.

I think all those adults who still drink fizzy drinks were not introduced to tea and coffee at an early enough age so i think YABU.

I agree with cappuchino. I give my kids hot chocolate and call it 'special coffee' to be like mummy.

I really doubt that means necking down a couple of cups of coffee a day, though ally. My brother was adhd, I dont think it did him much benefit either.

Crikey, OP's "hinting" sound really passive aggressive.
If you have a problem, say it straight. Else --
Butt-outsky....

I agree we should try to limit chemicals, however, my dd1 would never have any milk from a cup. She still needed the milk so we introduced weak decaf tea. FWIW I felt it was more important she got some calcium than worry about caffiene. Everything in moderation

I wouldn't give mine coffee because I am very sensitive to caffeine, and I would be worried that they have inherited that. Actually, when I was bf ds, I couldn't even have chocolate - he wouldn't sleep. Turns me all cranky/ depressed if I have too much.

I love it tho
<<unrequited love emoticon>>

yeah but i bet most of you "oh I wouldf NEVER gove them coffee" do give them chocolate, that has caffeine (suprisingly lots) and sugar.

and as for caffeine being naturally occuring...so? arsenic, cyanide and asbestos are naturally occuring. but best avoided really.

kids should not have coffee, for no better reason that than it upsets the natural order of things. what then would be the point of being grown up?

Do you think her DD could be thirsty if she's wanting to take all these sips?

You could always say something directly to her, but be prepared for her to tell you to get lost. Better than the passive aggressive hints I think. Why should she be able to read your mind if you're not going to be direct?

oh christ

seriously if one of my friends sat there saying 'oh dear she's just had a sip - you won't sleep tonight' I would probably need to hit them.

this is what MILs are for. not friends.

but fillyjonk, cola and choc have less caffeine in than coffee (see the figures below). And the child who is getting coffee is probably getting it on top of the cola and choc average.

According to cappucino's figures, 1 mug of coffee == 2,5 cola drinks. I think anyone who admitted to giving their child 2,5 cola drinks a day, would get criticised on mn.

I was having 2 mugs of coffee EVERY day, each with 2 tsps of sugar in, by the time I was 11.
that's equivalent to 5 colas. Really, this is not healthy (see my previous post), and I am genuinely surprised that people can believe it is defensible.

again thanks all and i wasn't aware that this huge a discussion would ensue. i was just summarising with my comments but i guess things i have said may have come across as passive agressive. if they DID though my friend didn't get it. She still gives DD coffee, and it is normally now little cups as she was tired of the sips. DD has REAL problems sleeping and I have said outright the two things may be connected. it has made no difference, so i guess i will 'but outsky' as suggested. in the end, it's not my DC.

there are many things we do as mums (and dads) which i'ms ure others would disagree with, so in a way I AM BEING UNREASONABLE and I@M NOT.

johnsonisbest - if you know you are not being unreasonable, it's probably best to stay away from the IABU topic.

You can't say more then what you have said - after all, it's her who has to deal with the sleepless nights.

I know now Belgo, but it took you ladies to teach me that lesson!!
I think its a bit of a mix of unreasonable and reasonable depnding on your point of view but its more or less put to bed now and I will accept what you've all said