The Mumsnet Guide to Caring for Your Child's Teeth. How much fluoride should a child have? What will cause the most damage - chocolate or raisins? Is fruit juice ok? For the truth about what will and won't cause decay to top tips for reluctant brushers, fill in your gaps on dental hygiene here.
Long story short, went for a walk on Monday and fell hurting my ankle, went to A&E not broken just very badly sprained, stay off it for 48hrs and no driving.
DH had to take this week off to help with the boys or they were going to miss everything that the normally do. Tuesday ok as quiet day, he enjoyed Wednesday as he got to go to DS2 Downs group, yesterday was really hectic with mothers and toddlers for DH2 and gymnastics for DH1. We also had to enrol DS1 at school, do some shopping and there was and Open University information day that I was really keen to pop into. And then we went to see DH's grandparents.
You would think that he has been having to look after 200 and not two children!!! And I've been helping. He thinks he is hard done by and when I said "welcome to my world" he said that I had it easy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I could kill him. He just doesn't listen and when I pointed out that I do everything that he has been doing plus all the things like cooking and seeing to the washing that I've still been doing he said that I was used to it and while that's true it doesn't make it any easier.
He is away to do the two lots of swimming lessons this morning and you should have seen his face when I explained the timetable.
9.00 take DS1 to nursey
9.30 be in the pool with DS2
10.00 lesson ends, get DS2 washed and dressed and bring back to me
11.15 pick DS1 up
11.30 get DS1 to the pool for his lesson
And I fed DS2 for him, got out DS1 clothes and packed both the swimmingbags!!!!!!!!!!!!
He has also been let off lightly because the weather has been so good. DS1 was pottering about in the garden Tuesday and Wednesday afternoon and did not need amusing or want to got to the park, etc.
But what really, really gets to me is that, despite all this, he won't say, "Good job" or "I don't know how you do this" or anything nice about it. He genuinely thinks that I have it easy and that he has the tough job moving papers about his desk. And I know that he is finding it difficult to cope, so why can't he admit that it's not the easy option staying at home?
On the plus side, it has made me realise that I am going to have to be more careful and loose weight. I hate to think about how things would be if I was laid up for longer and while he was great when DS2 was born and for 9weeks in hospital, but I was always about and my family chipped in and helped.
I know part of it is down to my control freakery but would it really kill him to acknowledge that it is hard to be at home all day?
Do you appreciate the work he has to do for his job? Do you say "well done" when he has achieved something at work?
Wanting your DH to come out with the statement of "I don't know how you do this" is like saying "Wow you're amazing". Is being a SAHM really that amazing?
As for your children's timetable well you chose it! If it is too demanding then change it.
Also the reason your timetable seems hard for him to do is because he isn't used to it, you should be grateful to him for doing it tbh, I know if DP was home looking after the children things like swimming lessons would go out the window! When I was in hospital last month for my CS DP had to look after the two DC's and I made sure clothes and things were ready for them because he isn't used to it, anymore than I would be able to go into his office and deal with his clients etc because I'm not used to it.
Yes being a SAHM can be demanding, but so can being the main breadwinner and doing a fullt-ime job. In a relationship both parties should appreciate the other.
I think a good sahm is an amazing thing actually!!! I am sure he receives encouragement for his work, as OP should for bringing up their children, which is actually more important in terms of their emotional developement than his paid work. But I must add that you both sound quite resentful, as if locked in a power struggle over who does more. If he has problem with you not working, and you feel put upon and unappreciated than maybe it is time for a change.
Jesus Christ, I am always amazed at how people respond to someone looking for a little support. It's like reading that your MIL has replied. My dp also thinks I do nothing, to a point he's right, but when he takes care of the children he lets them watch a little more TV, play more XBox/Wii games, doesn't seem to hear the shouting, moaning and disputes that I would instantly sort out and seems to only notice once someone is crying the house down, he spends an hour leisurely cooking and presents lunch..........I could go on. You shouldn't be thankful that he's keeping the timetable either, why shouldn't he? I'm assuming these are all things that you have thought about and you feel benefit your children. I hope that you're appreciative of your dp/dh but I can't think you've ever had to do his job and so would never have the opportunity to see how a day in his life goes to compare but he has and it wouldn't hurt him to be thankful at how you're raising his children. My dp can be a pain, but if I were in hospital I would not have to plan meals, get clothes out etc for him, I may have to tell him what days the children do particular activities because he's at work and wouldn't know for sure. YANBU.
posey - the point wasn't that the OP didn't feel appreciated, it was that she seemed to want her DP to know how much she was suffering. Which seems odd. We could all have a competetive whinge about how hard our various lives are but what's the point of that?
Second what zippi says, plus most people that are SAHMs have chosen to be a SAHM and could choose not be. I don't know as many breadwinners that could choose not to do their job as easily.
It's just quite revealing about the repondents when they offer no constructive advice and attack the OP, why bother? Personally I think to repair any relatioship we start with ourselves, so perhaps the OP could start by telling her dh that he's done a great job and being appreciative and then it may come back.
I also think that for some, myself included, being a SAHM was not a choice but the right path. I could not/will not and have not left any of my children in a nursery or with a childminder or nanny. I find the whole thing pretty hideous that a babe in arms is something so disposable that you pick up and drop off at your earliest convenience, if my dp had a more flexible job or earnt less then he may have stayed home. What's wrong with someone wanting their partner to appreciate them, whatever they do?
Nothing Posie, but maybe the OP should appreciate that her DH is working hard to do her timetable, yet instead she complains about packing the swimming bags
I wouldn't underrate the issue of breadwinner pressure actually. A few colleagues of mine have openly acknowledged the pressure they feel - it's a pretty competitive environment plus there's the effects of a credit crunch - downsizing is gonna happen within the next twelve months - then they have to look for jobs in a smaller market - and they have ALL the financial responsibility for the entire family. It's tough.
i was a sahm and i would be lying if i said it was hard
top tip hoover the hall and stairs before dp comes home and
make a nice dinner
moan about some aspect of your day that has been stressful whether it has or not to excuse the fact that you spent half of it having coffee and lunch at a mates house
the hard part is finding yourself unemployable when you eventually want to work again
I take all the points on board, and yes maybe I am being a bit resentful but to be honest, I'm in pain. I could do with a rest and never feel that I get one.
Journey, I do say "well done" if my dh does something well at work and as I have done his job in the past I know that he's not exactly over-burdened in his current post.
Mumbkechum, hectic is not the m&t group, it's the nursery run, the m&t group and the gymnastics all in the same morning and unfortunately Thursday is the only day that they are on.
Thanks for the support Mrsruffallo and posieparker and ormirian the only suffering is this "suffering" ankle.
I understand that not much is choice once you have children, if you have enough money for one parent to stay at home or not, do you have the mentality to stay at home, would leaving work make you unhappy etc, all pretty valid. Her husband's position is just as tough as hers, she has to nurture her children and he has to bring home the bread both huge responsibilities and worthy of eachother's admiration. I suspect OP is feeling pretty depressed and was looking forward to her opportunity to get some appreciation from her DH which hasn't happened.
Quattro, you're so right, I personally feel in respects of stress I have it much easier than DP and I'm a SAHM with a month old, a 3year old and a 7year old.
He hates his job, there have been talk lately of redunacies, his manager his a prick so much so that he has started a grievance against him for bullying, and he has to put up with it all because he has the whole financial side of our family to carry.
I KNOW my DH has a harder job than me, still doesn't mean i don't like to hear "Now i appreciate what you do" when he has to spend a morning alone with DS.
I would never have thought I would have choosen to be a sahm but I was make redundant when DS1 was little then we moved for dh's job. The cost of going back to work was far outweighed by the cost of childcare so I went back to college to retrain.
Then I fell pregnant with ds2 who has Downs. I don't feel able to leave him with nursery or cm yet, am looking to increase qualifications with the Open University and return to work in the next few years.
I still contribute to the household as I have significant income from investments made before I met dh so it's not as if he has the whole financial burden for the family on his shoulders.
And yes I know that there are a lot of people worse off than me but a little support and appreciatio is nice.
Perhaps I should be saying all this to dh and not mners!!!
Personally I think being a SAHM is really hard. That is why I don't do it. I think the OP sounds like she doesn't like being a SAHM much.
People who generally like what they are doing don't need constant appreciation and affirmation that what they are doing is worthwhile. They do it because they like doing it and that is enough (mostly).
Of course we all like the odd gesture of appreciation but the OP sounds quite resentful and I personally understand that as I'd feel the same.
I think there are some SAHM do it because they feel it is the right thing to do but who actually find it really hard because they don't really enjoy it much. Of course they love their children but they find a lot of what goes with full time care of them difficult or dull.
Unfortunately it is also true that many people (men orr women) who WOTH also don't really like what they do.
I know of one couple where the SAHM is very happy to be at home and says so. She behaves like someone who is happy and a less long-suffering person I've yet to meet.
Her husband on the other hand really does not like his job but with 4 children and a SAHM he had to work anyway. Retraining to do something else which he would like is not really viable financially.
He is much more resentful and often makes digs about her doing nothign all day (with 4 children !!). In that situation although I often find him annoying, when I think about it I know who I have the most sympathy for and it isn't the SAHM.
I wish I knew how it was possible to have a "lazy day at home" with children, and I only have one.
I work part time, but would definitely say being at work is much easier than when i spend a day with my DD, even though I get very very busy at work!
She is 18 months old and has to be entertained for every second of the day or she just rampages around getting into everything. Even if I take her to activities I have to supervise her pretty carefully. She isn't walking yet and needs a lot of carrying which probably makes it more tiring.
But it really depends on the children you are looking after, some are easier than others!!
YANBU. But also men don't always say what you want them to say, or admit that you have it hard!!!
my dp is just the same and i know eaxactly what his job ios like coz i worked part time in the same place before i had dd2!! i and know that going back there would be like a holiday!
however dp seems to think that while dealing with two kids, three if you include hime, and keeping the hosue, doping all the shopping, cooking, washing, ironing, etc. that i ahve time for an afternoon nap and to watch tv.
funny though how when i do insist on my sleeps in or trips to my mates during the day i come back to find that both kids have had tea and biccy's for brekkie and usually something really simple like sarnies for lunch, the house is a mess every one is still in pj's and we need milok but how can he clean up or go to the shop with two kids??!!!
right now he is in bed with a hangover while i am dealing with dd1 who has a fractured gum and wont eat anything and dd2 who has a viral infection as well as charging his phone via the laptop which means i need to keep checking back to the pc to make sure it hasnt gone on standby and i am doing all the housework!
yes my job is much easier than his!! also did i mention i only work 8 hours a day then i sit on my backside in front of sky sports and sometimes i dont start till half one which means i can stay in bed till at least twelve!!! working men dont have a clue how hard it is being at home with kids all day
I don't think you are being unreasonable. Being a SAHM isn't hard but it is relentless and you have to think on your feet a lot and multi task - something which not all men can do easily.
The trouble I have with DH is that he's quite happy to do whatever is necessary for the DSs when I can't for some reason but he does seem to think that the DSs are more badly behaved when they are with him (they're not) DS3 does more pooey nappies (obviously doesn't) and that they just "wanted to watch telly all day and they were quite happy doing that"....
Micci25 - I feel your pain, my DD is having her one sleep of the day now and I am running around cleaning up and hanging up washing. Fortunately my DH is very helpful but obviously there is a limit to how much he can do when at work all day!!
I think being a sahm is easy and I say that as a sahm to 4. I think this desperation for sahm's to want appreciation and recognition does the sahm a disservice as its almost like saying how dreadful and stressful it is to stay home and look after the family you have created.
What is wrong with having fun while being at home with the kids and pottering around the house? It's nothing like the workplace so we should stop trying to compare it to that. Being a sahm is not a job and is not a chore.
Tbh, it sounds like your 'schedule' is a bit ott anyway and the swimming sounds a bit overly complicated so no wonder your DH baulked at it. Probably in a 'how daft is this' way rather than a 'how hard is this' way.
Well Mr Eruvadne, if you're still reading this, i think you're mean and you need to stop being so horrible to your wife... it IS NOT easy being a SAHM!
I think its really unfair on people who find it hard being a SAHM to say stuff like "well I find it easy, and I have 10 kids and if you don't you are saying its terrible to have to look after your family".
Not everyone finds it easy, some people have less energy than others, some children are more difficult than others.
I'm sure it wouldn't help someone having a rotten time to read that!!!
It is easy if: you enjoy doing it, have a supportive DH and don't make life difficult for yourself by creating ridiculous ideals, being obssessive with housework and cramming in too many groups and activiites.
I can understand the OP as well. She has not left her DH to it. She is still doing all the thinking, the planning and the organising and he is just doing as he is asked, with no thought. And all this whilst she can't get around properly and should be resting.
OK it is great being a SAHM and being master of your own time. You can organise your own day and do what you want to do, when you want to do it, if the dc allow of course, but there is never any time off from the responsibilities. DH gets to leave work at the end of the day and not think about it until he goes back the next day, a SAHM never does.
I don't find the practicalities of being a SAHM very onerous but the constant planning and organising is what gets to me and I think that is why the OP is getting fed up too.
Also on the one hand her DH is making a big fuss about what he has to do to help but on the other hand he is saying it is no big deal. He can't have it both ways.
Being a SAHM is like everything in life...different for everyone. !!!
Some people will find it easy, others hard or impossible. This depends on your situation, attitude, personal skills etc.
In my case, I love being a SAHM it is something I never thought I would be able to do.
However I am far from a natural housewife and despite trying I forget things and don't get things done in the best way. But I hope to learn I am slowly getting better at stuff, though now 6.5 month pregnant I am slowing down at the moment
Some weeks we stay in all week and I throw myself at the housework, other weeks (like this week) we go out and enjoy the sun more and the house suffers.
I find the house work boring and repeative but I love spending the time with my daughter and watching her grow and learn.
In other words I am grateful for my hard working husband which gives me the option to be at home, but I don't find it 'easy'. Maybe if I keep trying to 'FLY' I'll get the perfect easy to run house one day...Mmmm, I'm not going to hold my breath mind.
If you stay at home and have a DH who "pushes paper around", and that "paper-pushing" earns enough for you to stay at home in comfort and not have to even consider going to work, then you are bloody lucky and should stop moaning.
On the other hand people should both appreciate each other's contribution.
Ask yourself not just if he could do what you do, but if you could do what he does.
well my dp is not at all helpfull although after making him actually believe that me and kids were not moving into his house once done (we dont live together, dd1 is not his but he treats her like she is) he has started to be a little more helpfull and a couple of days ago he cleared out my utility room which was a complete mess and cleaned the yard! but that is all that he has done and he has been off work about five days now!!!
i dont expect him to clean up after me, while we dont live together he is here a hell of a lot, but still pays next to nothing for the upkeep of the house, which i only mind when he criticises me on how i spend my money, and he contributes virtually nothing to the kids or housework. i am constantly going round picking up after him.
i do his washing as he doesnt have a washer and its pointless him buying one as i have one and it will come with me when i do move in there. he doesnt have a kitchen as yet either so he is here for all his meals and his bathroom isnt finished so he is here to bathe too. so while he sleeps at his house a few days a week (when he has to be up early for work) you might aswell say he lives here
i like being able to spend time with kds as a sahm but i do think that it is harder than working with longer hours and no paycheck.
i get no appreciation for what i do for him or the kids so i understand where the op is coming from especially if like me she was used to and enjoyed working before she had kids
all we would like is a little thank you and not to be told how easy we have it all the time coz for some of us it is not easy at all. enjoyable maybe but then so was my work!!! but i got paid for that and i had a start and finish time and days off
What on earth is hard about looking after the kids, doing a bit of light housework and cooking a meal??? Honestly, I don't mean to be facetious but I find it mind boggling that people make such a big deal out of this!
Connie, according to your profile, you don't have kids. is that right?
If it is, maybe when you have to spend your day running around a toddler or three while trying to feed yourself and keep the house clean, then maybe you'd understand a bit better.
But how many husbands really want to be SAHD's? Not many I bet. Most are happy to be out of the house and doing a job.
He should at least be appreciative that he doesn't have to do this all day, every day and he has a wife who does the SAH stuff for him. It isn't asking very much.
Maybe not even appreciation is needed, maybe simply just not to be held in total disdain would be nice. That would be an improvement surely. It would be nice to feel that you were totally useless!
Micci, You're a SAHM with someone elses child, what should your dp do or contribute? Surely your ex should contribute and with your new partner you should be his partner and not him take care of you financially.
conniedescending.... My DD has slightly low muscle tone so needs a lot of carrying and supervising so she doesn't hurt herself when trying to stand up, so that probably does makes it harder. She is basically very bright and curious and has to be entertained every second of the day. She does not sit still EVER and play with anything. If not entertained she will tear up the house through curiosity or will hurt herself by trying to climb on something and falling over. So every second she is awake I am running around after her and when she is asleep I am doing the housework. To be honest though I have never met a child as active as her so its probably not the norm.
I am not making a big deal out of it or wanting any sympathy though, I just mean I can see that it CAN be hard for some people.
I take my hat off to you if you find it all easy though
Lunch hour? Co-incidentally I had the reverse of this conversation this morning. It went something like this
Colleague (ignoring a call) Me: I don't mind if you take it Colleague: It's only my wife Me (trying to get back to the issue we were discussing) Colleague: She rings at least three times a day. Then complains if I don't ring back immediately. She's been at home for nine years and has completely forgotten what it is to work. (uncomplimentary remark edited out here). I think it's about time she went back but she wouldn't be able to cope with the real world now.
totally agree....unquietdad. I would have really struggled going to work everyday and trying to do a good job when I was pg. Being a sahm meant I could and can adjust my days to suit the circumstances.
Back to the OP, my DH wouldn't have been able to take leave from work should I have hurt my ankle as we wouldnt be able to afford that! I would have had to adjust what I was doing and get on with it!
Tbh it's not really hard work looking after children all day.
It is relentless though and can be boring and that's usually what gets to the menfolk. I think it's rude to tell a woman she 'has it easy', whilst it's not exactly a difficult job , to say it is easy is insulting. Why does he have this competition going with you? You should be supporting each other.
Imo being a sahm is hard and can be very stressful did no one see that survey they did a while ago on jobs and stress levels where they put 5 women on a heart monitor etc all day. The sahm had the highest stress levels of the lot even than the city worker. The thing is you don't have a lunch hour, you have most of the time antagonistic and demanding co-workers and hellish background noise to deal with.
Yes some days are easier than others like in any job but it is often completley unappreciated and this is why many dhs and dps stress they've been out to work all day. Yet if I went 'out' to work in a job where I looked after 3 children of 5 and under, plus preparing and cooking 3 meals a day whilst one or all three of them are demanding my attention, tugging at my clothes , screaming for a feed etc and cleaned a house up I feel it would seem more worthy. Yes it is our choice as it is the choice of someone working a stressful 9-5 job as well that doesn't mean we aren't entitled to have a moan in a while. As for the OP I find it hard enough looking after 3 nt children god knows how much harder it is to look after one with sn.
Wake up by being jumped on by DS (20mo) after not much sleep because he'd had a bad night. Spend 10 minutes getting dressed and tidying the bedroom, making my bed, making his, sorting his clothes out for the day.
Downstairs, try and got to the toilet and fend off DS who keeps trying to climb in my lap. Wash my hair in the bath, turn around to find in the 20 minutes all that took he has... Pulled all the towels down, Pulled all the CD's out of the rack and all the DVDs, Pulled everything out of the shoe cupboard, upended his toy box all over the floor, managed to open the bag of pit balls so i now hav 120 balls all over my lounge.
I spend 20 minutes picking it all up and putting it away.
Go into the kitchen, wash up after last nights dinner, do DS's breakfast, come back in and dry my hair while he eats.
Spend 10 minutes hoovering after he threw crumbs everywhere.
Shopping arrives, spend 20 minutes bringing it in and putting it all away.
Spend 20 minutes picking up CD's DVDS, & toys again
Phone the hospital to check on DH, phone work to tell them i'm not coming in tomorrow because of DH, phone my parents to update them on DH.
Put laundry on, spend all the time between jobs playing with DS and picking up after his trail of toddler destruction.
Connie, You are not a SAHM, so how the fuck would you know how hard it is? I had two small children at home and a baby who NEVER stopped crying unless my breast was in her mouth for eight months. My two boys were struggling to get out on a daily basis and then ensuring everyone's needs were met and then (on the days they went) getting one to a Montessori for a morning session and the other for an afternoon session with lunch in a car the other side of the city was not easy. Dropping your kids at nursery and having time achieving something with bosses and colleagues who appreciate you with a pay packet at the end of the week, now that's easy.
herecomesthegirls....I think you'll find that is partof the course for 18mth old children although mine of that age can walk and run! They are into eveything, they are curious, they are always on the go. It's a bit naive to think that your dd must be more active than every other 18mth old!
This goes back to what I was saying, don't make life harder than it has to be. At 18mths she will love helping with the hosuework and see that as playing. Also you don't need to hover over her all the time. Kids do fall and hurt themselves, they do that again and again so I would suggest giving her a bit of space to explore safely and you get a bit of rest!
Why hasn't the floor been hoovered why are there toys all over you could have cleaned the windows there is rubbish on the couch why is that/that/theother on the floor what did you do all day have you just sat on your arse and done FA? there's crumbs in the sink is it so hard to remember to wipe the breadboard there's laundry that needs doing where is my dinner is that all you did?
I've done it all: part-time work, full-time work, working from home, freelance, SAHD-ing, combinations of the above. Among our friends there are various combinations across the spectrum.
I think what grinds down the partner who works, whether that person is male or female, is the knowledge that they have to do it - they can't just have a "slack day" now and then, especially if they are in an especially competitive industry like finance or especially closely-monitored like teaching.
Also the fact that they have to get out and go to work - it's often not the work so much as the getting up at 6am (half the year in the dark), de-icing the car, travelling to work in all the traffic... and then doing it again at the end of the day. It's also very common to be "at work" in your head even when you are physically not there - if you have targets to meet or reports to do by a certain deadline it can eat into your private/domestic "head-space".
Well, ignore my last post about you not being a SAHM . But my daughter 20 months unwatched for two minutes was in an ambulance Monday morning following a fall from one step, very concussed and unable to focus her eyes for 7 minutes.
Posie, i have two kids one is his dd1 is not but he took her on and said he wanted to be her dad he is the one who is dead against me trying to initiate contact with her biological dad, who has never bothered with her, and he is the one who doesnt want me to chase up the csa money as he doesnt want to do anything that might encourage dd1's dad to crawl out of the woodwork.
as far he is concerned dd1 is his and he wants her to have nothing to do with her biological dad, his family or his money
so considerng that and the fact that when i met him i told him i didnt want or expect him to take on dd1 or responsibiilty for her, he changed the rules not me by telling her that he was her dad and discipling her etc, which tbh i am pleased about as she now has a dad who loves her as opposed to one who cant be bothered to pick up the phone and find out how she is
so i expect him to contribute financially to look after her and also to spend some time with her and let me have some downtime every now and again! he does treat both kids the same he rarely spends time alone with dd2 either! in fact he has more time for dd1, maybe he is not a baby person!? fair enough but he wanted another a baby and he wanted to take on dd1 is it too much to expect a little help from him now he has what he wants?
connie - I am not naive at all..I know other 18 month olds and I merely said she is more lively than any I have MET. I didn't say she is livelier than any other 18 month old. People with 18 month olds have also said she is particularly lively. She doesn't love helping with housework because she can't yet due to her motor delay, thanks, but yes, when she can I'm sure it will get easier
And yes, kids do fall and hurt themselves, but when they cant put their arms down properly when falling, like my DD they tend to fall and smash their faces so, yes, I do need to supervise her unfortunately.
PTA - I would be grateful that my DH had taken the week off if I were you, it's not easy to have a week off with no notice!
Last week I had a bad infection and then partially dislocated my shoulder, DP couldn't get the time off of work so I just had to get on with it.
He may very well appreciate you and acknowledge that it can be tough but people aren't always very good at articulating these things, especially when it is what you always do IYSWIM?
HereCometheGirls.. DS is a little pistol, its like following a whirlwind around the house
I occasionally just try to leave it all where he left it, but find it takes longer to clean up then.. so i go around and around and around...
I've worked in Nurserys, behind bars, done waitressing, reception, insurance, desk work, shop work...etc
I find being a SAHM easier in the fact if i want to go do something i can, but work wise, its much harder than sitting at a desk or a checkout and i'm frazzled by the end of the day, but i can't come home and switch off.. this is CONSTANT.
Yes it will make it harder, but I still think that if you look after yourself, keep healthy, stay as fit as you can, be organised, get systems that work, then it's certainly not hard work.
I know someone who has one dd. She was always going on about the amount of work she did at home. She honestly thought she was up against it. When she described her busy day I would be amazed. She had it easy.
I really don't see what is so hard about being a SAHM.
I do understand that we don't always get time to get the house in pristine condition Mr.EruvandeAini, and I don't think it is fair of either partner to not totally appreciate what the other goes through, maybe if you spent some time with your wife getting the house to that condition of immaculate you seem to expect it to eb then it would eb easier for her to keep it that way.
Anyway, I am pretty amazed I feel I have to defend myself for saying my DD appears to be on the lively end of the spectrum of any kids I have met. Not much more to contribute to this thread really
Well you know, I have never heard of a sahm being fired for not doing the housework properly
Whereas I WILL get fired if I don't meet my billing targets
And that schedule posted up there sounds pretty light to me. Easy in fact. Not that I'm complaining or anything. But there's a certain lack of perspective around this thread ...
uqd "Also the fact that they have to get out and go to work - it's often not the work so much as the getting up at 6am (half the year in the dark), de-icing the car, travelling to work in all the traffic... and then doing it again at the end of the day." Yes I totally agree. Add to that doing the school run, sorting out dinner and lunchboxes after work and trying to do housework in the space available. Which is what has to be done by any lone parent who works, or any family with 2 working parents. It's not the 'work' or 'the children' that are the problem. It's doing both at the same time.
Yes a working person has pressures but I think it is untrue that they can't have a slack day and they do get to have days off sick. I bet if the OP's husband had sprained his ankle and needed to rest that is exactly what he would be doing. He wouldn't be helping with the children or doing anything about the house. I know if my DH is not well he doesn't do anything either. And rightly so, I'm not complaining about it.
But you can't do that as a SAHM parent. There is nobody to take over and there is nowhere to go so more often than not, as the OP has done, you carry on as best you can.
I also find that when DP does get in from work I hand him the baby! Last night he came in and I made dinner for us, then he bathed the baby, fed her and put her to bed whilst I went to the gym.
If we're saying that being a SAHM is hard work then by the same token it must be hard for all the Dads out there who come home and do home stuff like spending the evening with the kids, bathing, cooking etc? They aren't really getting a break either.
I don't think the hard bit of being a SAHP is the practical making meals/getting children from A-B bit. The hard bit is being constantly available to small children, paying attention to their needs, and reacting to their emotions and demands while also trying to ensure that everybody is fed, clothed and cared for.
I think we should all appreciate our partners, whatever they do - if not why be in a relationship at all?
To say that being a SAHP is easy devalues parenting. Surely we all try to ensure that our children are well cared for - I have cared for my children at home and I have delegataed this care to a nursery - at no point have I ever thought the job was 'easy'.
Those of you who describe the OP as 'lucky' and having an 'easy' life, may have skimmed over the fact that she has a child with SN, which makes the decision about returning to work a little more complicated.
