... because he's always disappointed in what I've got done? I'm always mentally rehearsing how I can 'play up' what I've done.

He'll nod, and then a few minutes later he'll ask what else I've done. And he'll just make me feel that he's so disappointed. He's at work all day, I'm at home with the kids, blah de blah.

And to his credit, he does do stuff in the house, when he's got exasperated with the fact that I haven't done it.

Today, I've done a couple of washing and managed to get them on the line to dry. I've washed up, cleaned surfaces and cleaned the kitchen floor, and tidied the front room ready for him to vacuum (I can't push the vacuum round myself) Plus looked after four children under 7.

But I just know it's not going to be good enough, and I'm feeling really crappy about that today.

Leave him something to warm up in teh Microwave and take the kids to the park.

"Plus looked after 4 children under 7"

Get a fucking grip woman! That is hard bloody work.

Try to go easier with yourself - if he makes comments then that's just shit.

"he's always disappointed" - there is no polite way to say this but if he is disparaging then he is a twat with a capital T.

How much of that is being generated by him, and how much is it being generated by you?

I am a firm beleiver in good enough by the way (ie, not perfect, but it will do...). Life is too short. Are you a bit of a perfectionist?

You shouldn't feel nervous though, what a horrible thing to have hanging over you all day...

If you've got 4 children under 7 you must be on the go all day!

Do you ask him what he's done all day?

Or you could write a detailed list of what you have done and just hand it over to him.

(sorry I'm probably not beign very helpful, just very annoyed on your behalf)

Don't mention it to him and if he asks just say I have done the same as always.

It is a lovely day and far too nice to be worrying about housework.

If he can't see that tell him to naff off.

Is he always like this?

You have 4 children under 7 and he asks you what you has done all day

Get your largest frying pan out and wrap it round his overstuffed head would be my advice if he utters a word.

How bloody dare he?

You shouldn't feel nervous about your dh coming home! What's he going to do, tell you off for not working hard enough???(when it sounds like you've done loads!)

My answer to unreasonable husbands like this is always the same.

If you worked out of the house, and your job was to look after someone else's children all day, would that not be considered work?

Would he demand to know your daily itinerary?

Would he expect you to do all the housework on top of your full-time job?

If not, why do men expect this when your job is looking after your own children.

And if yes, then he needs a housekeeper, not a wife.

Why do you tolerate being treated like a child?

Why should you have to explain to him what you've been doing?

He sounds like a prick ... I really can't get my head around this type of relationship.

I know, I know. He's always talking about how it'll be better when I'm 'on top of the house a bit more'.

I'm not a perfectionist - far from it. I'm trying and trying to be good at it all- shining my bleedin' sink and all that. I'm looking around at it, and yes, there's a bit of clutter.

Oh, I don't know, I used to enjoy all this. he'll tell me how tired he is, and I know, he's working really hard right now. he came home yesterday and I was sitting in the garden with the kids, and the first thing out of his mouth was a moan that there was some rabbit hay on the patio.

agree with meemar

1. invent a "serious" reason for having to be out of the house for whole day one of these upcoming weekends ...(must visit ailing elderly aunt for example)

2. go out for the whole day ...at least 8 hrs

3. leave the dc in your dh's care ...

4. have a great day out (treat yourself) and come home to dh with a whole new attitude ...

go on, I dare you ....

Go out for the day and leave him with the kids to look after. It might give him some perspective.

Great minds Franke!

I've got three children under 7, and I find I can just about get an hour to tidy up if I'm lucky, in that hour I blitz the house and if anything ain't done, it ain't flipping done!

If DP dared to ask me what I'd done I'd flip.

I am really sad for you. This is unreasonable behaviour on his part. You are being undermined and it is a form of emotional abuse. I think you need some sort of outside help - FOR HIM and maybe for your self esteem.

Agree with franke, but don't just leave him with the kids, but also leave him with a long list of chores to get down!

I love how you through it in almost as an afterthought - "oh and by the way, I have four children under seven". I am so impressed, I have one toddler and a pregnancy and I'm struggling today. You must be superwoman.

lol He does let me have a couple of hours completely to myself most weekends, and he does bathtime with them everyday. He doesn't do nothing in the house, but he does get cheesed off because I don't do as much as he would like me to.

I saw someone elses thread and realized how I was feeling about it, and it just struck me how odd it was to be feeling like this.

It's like I'm waiting for my parents to get home, and I'll try and look 'busy' when he comes in. Bloody ridiculous.

This isn't normal you know that don't you? He has no bloody right to enquire how you spent your day. If your children are fed, clean, happy and alive at the end of the day nothing else matters. In fact if he feels you need a hand getting on top of the housework and he is not willing to be that 'hand' tell him to pay for a cleaner for a couple of hours a week. on your behalf.

when he starts you should ask him if he married you for your fantastic housekeeping abilities.

I'm guessing he didn't.

You could ask him if when the children were conceived, his first thought was "at least they will be brought up in a sterile environment"

I'm guessing it wasn't.

You can also ask him if he ever feels like doing the housework when he has finished work.

I'm guessing he doesn't.

Your "job" is to look after the children. Any housework that you can fit around that job is an extra. He needs to understand this.

hah! I've got one under 7 and i never do as much as that!
when dh comes home he moans so I tell him to joly well do it himself if he's that bothered!

because back when the roles were reversed (he was unemployed and sat playing computer games all day while I was pg AND working full time) I ended up doing all the housework when I got home.

so every time I feel faintly guilty for playing with ds inst of scrubbing the floor, I just remind myself of that time and like Domestos it kills all known guilt... DEAD.

I know he doesn't see it like that. We're just at a place of re-negotiation about things in the marriage, and we both operated on a very traditional model beforehand. I've been ill for a long time, but I'm recovering, and I think he was hoping that I would be a lot better at being a wife than I actually am

meh. Having a really bobbins day, despite the sun.

you are a stay at home MUM, not a houswife...

you are there to look after the children, that is your role during the day time, and any household chores that you managed to get done is a bonus.....

As you sure that he is disappointed in your achievements or are you reading too much into this - and are YOU the one that is disappointed in what you have achieved?

I know that when I first had DD I really thought that I would be a great SAHM and Housewife and that the house would be clean and tidy and that dinner would be ready when DH came home from work - then I learnt that hard lesson that I am not my mum!! who did seem to manage this somehow..

I now understand that my role is to look after DD and if we go out for the whole day and have fun then I have achieved something and the housework will have to be done later on with DHs help.....

My friends DH is a bit like this, and as much as I like him there's always this little voice in my head reminding me what a wanker he must be to upset her so much over something so bleeding trivial.

I wish I could suggest something, other than burying him under the hay strewn patio!

Do you think he'll ever change? Do you think you can learn to ignore it if he keeps doing it? I mean, he can be as 'disappointed' as he likes, but if you let it go - treat it like a toddler tantrum, don't give it the reward of attention - then maybe it won't get you down? At the end of the day it's his problem, not yours (his unrealistic expectations) and he shouldn't be loading them onto you.

(trying really hard not to be too 'lynchy' as I'm sure he must have good points that make up for this - nobody's perfect! If he doesn't.......well, then you need to look at whether it's worth another 20/30 years of this)

'I think he was hoping that I would be a lot better at being a wife than I actually am '

I think I missed the job description when I married DH - afaic, being a 'good wife' is loving your Dh, and not running off with the milkman, nothing to do with cleaning and trying to be some perfect 50's stereotype. You're raising your children and getting yourself well - he should be kissing your feet in gratitude every evening

blimey - "bobbins" ive not heard that for a while - made me smile

I am very sad though that your DH makes you feel this way - it must be mentally very draining. I am very for you, but there is no point in slagging him off.

Being a wife (or husband) is about being there for your partner, emotionally and practically - he is not your master. Whilst i can understand that he feels that while you are at home you should do stuff, but you have four children under 7 for heavens sake - have you told him how this makes you feel.

I mean, really told him - maybe you could show him this thread - it might bring him up short! He probably would be horrified if he thought he was making you feel like this. Might even think about getting you some help, should finances allow. Has this been a recent change in behaviour? Is he under pressure and taking it out on things he CAN control, like housework etc, not you. Dont just base it on the fact that actually, you do loads, but that you feel like you have to keep up to standard for him - you might be surprised by his reaction. Sometimes i do FUCK ALL in the house, and i mean FUCK ALL, I have days like that - im sure DP wishes the house was tidier and cleaner but he recognises that a) The house is in a bit of a state so keeping it tidy is a losing battle just now and b) There is more to me than a cleaner and i dont always feel like doing it, so i don't.

I dont think your DH is a bad man, but he is falling into a sorry stereotype, and unless you make a stand against it, it wont be his fault, after all, he is but a man!

Is he your husband or your boss?

He lets you???

Oh see my thread sweetheart.

i have 3 under 8 and dh is just relieved everyone is alive when he gits home

my gran used to sit on the stairs with a duster (about 45 years ago when she had 4 children under the age of 5) and wait for my grandad to come in from the boat shed.

when she seen him through the glass she would jump up and run around looking busy, the 4 children (my mum being the oldest) would have been scrubbed and clothes changed if need be for him coming through the door, if anything was not in place he would withhold money from her "allowence" so that there was less to feed the children with the next week and more money for him to spend in the pub.

last month after 52 years of being married to him she had a breakdown, she is 73 years old and still works as a home carer so that she can buy herself new clothes as he spends all his pension in the bookies and her pension will only go so far.

stories like the op's really upset me, imagine looking back on your life in years to come and thinking what could have been.

A "wife" is not the same as a subservient person, Eruvande.
Unless you are going to read St Paul more literally than most do today.

DWP, it was your thread that prompted me to think about this, actually.

He's come home now - I was on the computer

I got up straight away and got tea on and was just a bit non-committal about what I'd done. *trying to be my own woman here*

agree with serenity - particularly about thinking why/if he will change

it is sad that you're feeling nervous of your DH's return. Sad, not unreasonable.

life is too short to have a spotless house. If mine was spotless I would consider myself a bad mother and wife, as I would only be able to achieve it by not spending time with my family - that's just my opinion and I am clearly no domestic goddess.

Oh, you really must follow the advice about clearing off for a whole day - or a weekend if you can manage it - so that he can see for himself how demanding looking after four small children is. He obviously has that learning style where you need to experience things rathert than just being told about it.

Alternatively, he's just a bully and a twonk of the first order but either way, get thee gone for a day and see how well HE copes.

I'm with keepcalmandcarryon.

I've said to DP that if he were ever to come home to an immaculately tidy and clean house this would be A Bad Thing because it would mean that I'd spent all my time and energy on the housework and done nothing constructive with dd. Which would mean she'd have spent all her time watching telly, which DP hates.

This usually gets the message across.

What's that poem about the husband coming back to a trashed house and kids in disarray and they wife says "you know when you ask me what did I do today, well today I didn't do it"?

I am so crap at this. One of the kids has overfed the fish and he told me off with 'If you were looking after the kids all day instead of doing anything, how come they did that without you knowing?' Ohg I just want to run away.

Tell him to go and fuck himself!

I know we all have days where the house looks like hell (mine today, but it is sunny and it will still be there tomorrow), but is your DH ever complimentary about what you do?

aCTUALLY i KNOW where you are coming from.My dp is fab...but does have the odd explosion re me,house,cleanliness,children etc[I only have 2 and find it knackering]
Maybe he needs a couple of days or aweek on his own with themI think in my situation it is because dp is worried about money and would like to be around more[if that makes sense]/

yes, he was really pleased when I put the shopping delivery away last night. I think he just gets frustrated. His mother is very houseproud (she picks up biscuit-crumbs off the carpet the instant they get dropped, with a damp-cloth she keeps for the purpose)

he's a bit pissed off that i haven't managed to potty-train the two year old yet, i think.

Don't give him the satisfaction of trying to defend yourself - you've done nothing wrong. If you start off saying 'I haven't done so and so, because I've been looking after the kids' you're immediately putting him in a position of power ( you are telling him that you've 'done something wrong', by not doing X)

I'd go with 'Piss off' myself, save 'fuck' in case you need to pull out the big guns later.

It sounds horrible when you say scared about him coming home, but I think sometimes it all has to be put in context. I think it is a good sign that he mucks in andhelps too.

Fortunatley the third child broke my dh's spirit now he is grateful for small mercies! Maybe a reality check would help open his eyes

He's just generally hacked off because he says I've changed the goalposts on him. Went from being happy to be a organized, house-cleaning, sahm, homeschooling mama, to not being quite so 'together' and he thinks he need to get back to it.

You need to talk to him, I think. Maybe he doesn't realise how critical he sounds (I have done this )

Show him the thread? (Maybe a bit too sweary)

gotta go, he's just seen the thread and told me off for gossiping about him. bloody hell.

I am NOT trying to defend him, but has anything changed for him recently? I ask because when my Dh was going through a horrid stage at work, where he felt vulnerable, he started to nitpick at home, in much the same way, and when i finally had enough and sat him down, it all came out that he felt so out of control outside the home he was jackbooting around inside it instead. as for me, I have 3 under 5 and today my sum total of the housework was to wash the kitchen floor. I always tell him that if he comes home and the house is immaculate, it is because I have let them watch TV all day, and what would he rather.

If you are uneasy or anxious about him coming home, then something needs to be changed and changed immediately.
If you are afraid of your partner then your marriage/relationship is in deep, deep, trouble. Tell him you are scared of him coming home, and if his reaction is anything less than shame and horror at his own behaviour having made his beloved wife afraid of him, start making plans to leave him because he will have decied that you are property, not a person, and that he is entitled to punish you if you malfunction.

While laying on their death bed, nobody ever look back on their life and thought 'I wish I had done more housework.'!!

Maybe if you had a bit more self confidence, you would see what a valuable job you do looking after 4 impressionable young children who will grow up and remember you spending lots of time with them and love you even more for it (don't ask me how to get more self confidence as I am not full og it either!)

Failing this, ring your husband's boss and ask what your husband's been doing all day - see how he likes it!! [wink} x

Has he ever had the children on his own for any length of time?

I think a lot of dads really don't understand just how much work small children are, let alone running a house as well. They never have enough time alone with them as the mum is always around to 'help'.

I suggest having a weekend away if at all possible - this will not only make him realise how hard you work each day, but may make him realise that you are a person too who needs some time out.

My friend had a husband like yours, he was always going on at her about how little she did. So one day she met him at the door as he got home from work on Friday, handed him their daughter, and said "bye, see you Sunday afternoon." He ate humble pie after that weekend; when she got back they had a long chat and he admitted he had no idea how hard she worked being a SAHM.

Oh bloody hell. This is just crap. He "lets" you have time to yourself? You give him credit for doing some tidying in his own house? So he's upset because you cottoned on to the fact that you're a person and not a fucking house-elf? I hope he carries on reading this. And then leave him with the kids all day, perhaps even for a few days and see if the goldfish make it...

Let him read this..... it's been doing the internet rounds for a while now, but I think it could show your DH what's what:

.......A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog.

Proceeding Into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.

In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.

He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?'

She again smiled and answered, 'You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?'

'Yes,' was his incredulous reply.

She answered, 'Well, today I didn't do it.'

RubyRioja I think it is a good sign that he mucks in andhelps too.

Are you for real?

RubyRioja I think it is a good sign that he mucks in andhelps too.

Are you for real?

"instead of doing anything" He needs a wakeup call.

I seriously think that this man needs to spend more than one day with his children solo. I think he is sufficiently bullying to keep the kids scared enough of him to behave for one day. He needs a week alone with them to appreciate his dw.

hey - i haven't read all the postings but you've managed to do in one day more than i do on an average day and i look after two children and not four - also i'd suggest that he takes a week holiday from work and spends it at home taking care of the children and everything else while you have a proper break!!

Clam - I was just thinking of that one and hoping someone would know it!!

It's absolutely right that if one were a nanny to 4 under 7, one would not be expected to do anything other than look after the children and it would be considered a proper, demanding job.

Why do we think looking after our own is easier? In some ways it's more demanding because children behave worse for good old mum than for a carer and because we know that we'll be held responsible in some way for whatever weird quirk or problem they exhibit.

Eruvadne - I think you need to have a chat with him. It entirely possible he has no idea how he makes you feel. If he does know how you feel then he's a controlling, uptight, motherfucker person and you need to get out.

But that's only if he knows the kind of effect he's actually having on you.

You homeschool your children. You have 4 children. You are not a cleaner, you are a mother, a teacher, a nurse, a cook (for them) and chauffeur. He is not a child. He can look after himself. Apart from anything else, how can you being ill be counted as "moving the goalposts"? That is fuckwittery of the highest order, I'm afraid.

And sometimes, 2 year olds are just not ready to potty train. My friend's 3.5 year old has only just potty trained - but still wears a nappy at night. There is nothing wrong with this. Your toddler will potty train in their own time.

Feel free to email me if you need to have a ranty rant mate

Eruvadne, I bet you used to have a career before being a sahm? I felt exactly like you when on maternity leave - kind of "guilty" I suppose and also I felt very "got at" for the slightest thing. my dh was like yours - did the big clean on a Saturday - but that just made me more mad because he'd say "right i'll do the cleaning now" and off he'd go - unlike me, he can still decide what he wants to do and when, cos he knows I'll look after trhe baby - or 4 in your case. You really do need to speak to him and stop feeling guilty. I agree with someone else above who said - see this as a full time job - you wouldn't be an accountant full time who also cleans, irons, does the windows etc etc etc. Agree between you and do between you, all the chores at the weekend. Take the childcare in turns - one babysits while the other cleans upstairs, then swap. (or get a cleaner if you can afford it)

Clam, that's the one I was thinking about!

hmm, MN has been down for some time - did occur to me it might have overloaded with posts on this thread leaping to your defence

trying very hard not to be Lady Chief Justice Judgy McJudge here - each relationship has its own momentum, and no-one can work out if its working apart from the people in the relationship. But if you're not happy, and he's angry and 'telling you off' - arghh...

and really like the line about 'you are not a house elf' - may have to change my MN name...

best wishes, hope you're ok

Just got home from work and wanted to see how things were this evening - hope it was ok.

I know how you feel Eruvadne, i feel the same about my DH.. it doesn't matter what i've done, its just never quite enough... he can always find something to complain that i haven't done.

thing is, when i do make a point of doing everything he tells me off for doing too much.

Just tell him to STFU and definitely find a reason to go out ALL day and leave him with the DCs

Dh has asked me to apologize to him publicly for this thread. I'm sorry.

I'm going to delete my MN registration entirely. Thanks to everyone who has supported over my time on here, both as SueBaroo and in the past couple of weeks under this name. I can't even begin to say how nice it has been to be able to offload, but I know now that it's not acceptable.

Darling, you can do much better than your H.

Not acceptable???

Eh??

Since when???

Please reconsider!

Surely the reaction of the posters on here has proved to you that you are not the one behaving unreasonably!

I am practically speechless.

He has no right to make you apologise - you haven't done anything wrong, we all need to offload, and it seems to me that you have plenty to offload about.

He is trying to manipulate and control you.

Does he hit you?

he's asked to apologise to him? He sounds very controlling.
not acceptable to offload? yes it bloody well is and this is the perfect place!

I have a horrible feeling she is going to get his anger taken out on her.

I just hope that her seeing the responses to her post will make her see how unreasonable he is.

Don't go!

You and your DH really need to read the book What Mother's Do by Naomi Stadler. It really explains very well how much a mother achieves each day.

Alternatively, you could go away for a couple of days and leave your DH with the children. Perhaps then he would have a better understanding of what work is involved.

You too are at work all day and then some more hours on top of that. I cannot bear these moronic people who think staying at home is a breeze.

PS I'm called Winky because I feel like a house elf sometimes!

she needs to hit him round the head with the fucking book!
what a wanker

Oh bloody hell. Mr Baroo, if you do read this, then you must know that what you are doing is unacceptable and immoral. Your wife is your equal, in the law, even if in your odd moral code states otherwise. You have no right to treat her like this and no justification.
Sue - I do hope we see you again.

SueBaroo - sorry I didn't know this was you.

Mister SueBaroo - have you any notion that enforced compliance is of no value to anyone? Not true moral value.

Think very carefully how you use your beliefs.

About power and freedom, love, support and respect.

Sorry for all this SueBaroo. YTou have struck me as a caring, intelligent, kind woman. You have a right to express your hurt and despair - and if one person cannot listen, we can.

We know how you feel even if you are not allowed (can barely say it) to express it here any more.

SUEBAROO - remember there is free internet access at many libraries.

too damn right, all of the above.

Sue/Eruvande - hope you can get through this

what happened to love, honour and cherish? is this him honouring you? cherishing you?

listening here and elsewhere if you need it

with all best wishes

Sue (knew it was you btw, but wasn't sure if you namechanged for a reason), please don't go

Crap, I haven't got a working email at the moment or I'd say keep in touch that way - don't let him isolate you further. ( it's constantas (at) homechoice (dot) co (dot) uk, but I don't know when it'll be working again)

If you have to delete MN, then you know there's a lot of us on facebook if you need/want to contact any of us that way.

You have NOT done anything wrong, you have no need to apologise to anyone.

Oh Lord. Have you seen this? I think we can safely assume that Sue's H is still reading. Wish he was man enough to come and talk himself...

he isn't man enough to post, the bloke is a bully and we ALL know bullies are cowards!

sooner or later the 'little mouse' will become a 'mighty lionness' she sounds an intelligent person and something will eventually make her think 'enough is enough'

he better be ready to run for the hills.....

....their are a number of resonable blokes on mn, he could talk to ,he really mustn't be shy.

Habbibu?

Not sure what we're looking for there.

I don't know how to link to individual posts:

By EruvandeAini on Fri 09-May-08 12:30:30
Dh just sent me this link from work. I'm posting here so he knows I've read it

Suebaroo

I'm horrified by your husbands controlling behaviour. Posting on here is a lot less like "gossiping about him" than telling a bunch of mums at a local mother and toddler group the same stuff about him and believe me some ladies spill the beans in minute detail.

MrBaroo you are out of order. Your wife is not your domestic help to be ordered around and directed as you see fit. If you want a robot wife, fine (you weirdo) but you are crushing the will to get up each morning out of a living breathing member of the human race by bullying her and you should take a long hard look at yourself and your motivation for your actions. She has constructively sought out an anonymous discreet outlet for her frustration at your treatment.

You get mental stimulation and highs and lows, praise and possibly criticism at work together with your work colleagues. Do you never have a mutual moan with someone at work to ease your frustration over an issue or two ?

Your wife is responsible for 4 children under the age of 7. Do you realise that would need to be covered by a full-time nanny if your wife was incapacitated by say, being run over by a bus. The nanny would maybe attend to the most of the children's laundry( Mon - Fri) and a bit of tidying but you'd also need to employ a cleaner for say 10 hours a week and who would cook the meals for the children when the nanny wasn't there ? Wake up to the amount of different roles your wife fulfils and get a cleaner if having a clean/tidy home matters so much to you.

Suebaroo, I work because my dh too shows no appreciation of any domestic work undertaken be it childcare or laundry/cleaning or managing the finances. He just expects it to happen and moans when it doesn't happen (as in the case of the housework but I do the laundry and ironing ,pot washing, bin emptying, manage the finances and outsource the childcare). I'd rather be getting pats on the back at work to counteract the negative comments about lack of housework. Staying at home is not an option for a happy life for me as it would put me completely at the mercy of a demanding, unappreciative boss with zero people management skills, pretty much like the situation you seem to find yourself in at present. I have just approached an agency to find a cleaner despite my dh's opposition and him declaring that I'm just being lazy because after many years of soul searching I realise he is not on the same planet as me in terms of reality and quality of life being important for both partners in the marriage not just himself.

People like you Mr Baroo are why Xenia has a point about women risking sooooo much if they do not return to work after children arrive.

I would hang my head in shame if someone who needed love and suport was actually afraid of me.

I am not so weak in my self respect and my need to have my image grandstanded, that I demand public apologies from people, or are afraid and angry about what they might say about me.

MrBaroo - 'Suebaroo' and you are both anonymous. We have no idea who you are.

But we know what it takes for you to feel strong.

But does it feel good? or healthy?

SueB - please, take great care of yourself. Whatever that takes.

well said blu!

SueBaroo

Dear SueBaroo, you have been a shining star. Email me on kskrpe@hotmail.com

if you ever want to talk about theology.

so sorry you feel you have to do this Sue

hope you manage to find a way to come back on here for the support you need

<rude gesture at Mr SB>

I notice that Mr Suebaroo has nothing to say in defence of his behaviour and I'm so hoping that he has rethought his actions in respect of Suebaroo and realised that he's being unreasonable on many levels.

I just tried to CAT her and the system says they don't know the user.

She really has deleted her registration

Maybe her husband stood over her and forced her to delete her registration.

Even if he didn't stand over her, it looks like he has used emotional blackmail to deprive her of support and an outlet for frustration with her life as a SAHM.

SueBaroo, join up again at internet cafe or library or something, don't give up !

I'm going to start a thread in the religion section, maybe she'll see it.

Jesus - just looked at this .

Will someone please reassure me that we do actually live in the 21st century and not still in the 1950s??

Sue - I hope you are still lurking at least and find a way to stop allowing your dh to control you like this, it's antiquated IMHO.

Had to skip forward and post when I saw you were homeschooling as well. Do teachers do housework while they are teaching? Anyway, then as I skimmed I saw that it was Suebaroo. I haven't always completely agreed with your opinion Suebaroo, but I have always really respected your intelligence and if anybody could make me agree with a christian fundamentalist it would be you. Am very sad to see that your DH has made you think of yourself like this.

EruvandeAini you need to leave him in charge of all of them for a whole day. You need to be as far away as possible.

Let him suck on that for hard work!!!!

4 kids under 7!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I haven't read any replies but was curious are you nervous because you don't think you've done enough or if you have that nothing is ever enough for him?

Your husband does not sound very christian now does he? He should have read this and felt ashamed and wanted to reassure you not post you the link in a Orwell like fashion.
I hope everything's okay.
Name change and vary a couple of your details and then he won't know.

I am so, so sad at the mn loss of SueBaroo
MrBaroo, I told my dp last night how much reading this thread made me appreciate him as he is in stark contrast to you. He actually laughed when I told him that your wife was scared of you in case the house work wasn't up to your standard and you had 4 children under 7. You are a bad excuse for a husband. for SuBaroo.

Anybody else worried about her controlling husband? I feel a slight ill chill about this.

Get a job. Get a nanny. Get a cleaner. It's always the best way. Each to their own and not all women and men are cut out for menial housework type work or childcare. Go off and run a plc. You'll feel a lot better.

Xenia, you really should read I didn't either, but it sounds as if her husband is rather controlling and posting her the link to this thread and asking her to apologise on this thread too.

Just caught up with this and am rather horrified.

Sue - if you need to, you can vent to me on petrovafossil a t gmx d o t de.
Take care.

I hope this 'man' is reading this.

His poor poor sad unhappy desperate wife poured her heart out here, to the only people who she felt would listen to her. He read it. Did he feel for his wife, did he think about his behaviour, did he understand her pain? Did he care?

Did he fuck.

Well, sue, I for one do not accept your public apology because it's not you that needs to be doing the apologising.

Mr, I hope you're proud of how you make your poor wife feel.

Oh, silly me, this will all be her fault, won't it. Cos I bet nothing is ever your fault.

Here's a clue for you - when you are making someone you supposedly love so unhappy, most people want to do something about it, not kick them when they're down.

Some people like controlling men.I don't think it's fair to say it's right or wrong if that's the relationship they have and they're happy with it and she knew he was like that when she married him. That doesn't preclude her from getting a proper job outside the house and out earning her husband however. Women didn't fight for the vote so women could sit around at home childminding and scrubbing floors. It's pathetic they still accept it in 2008.