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and carrying on as normal or even trying to prove that "i'm pregnant, not sick" by doing more than usual and looking down their noses at those of us who want to take things a bit easier?
I was a bit naughty the other week. DH was talking about a colleague at work who was 'amazing', 'hardly even looking pregnant' and just managing as normal. Across the dinner table I said,'Well i guess some women are just more amazing than others!' He's not mentioned her again.
some folk breeze through pg looking radiant and glowing -good luck to them. pg is not an illness and shold not warrant being made invalid and sick role
Don't worry,Karma will get them in the end. The (also pg) personnel manager who was very unhelpful when I needed to change my role whilst I was pg with twins went on to have twins herself later on. I think she then had 4 children under the age of 4!
Oh god, tell me about it. Some woman bragging to me last time how she was climbing through the tunnel at the soft play centre at 38 weeks. I take it with a pinch of salt, same as the woman at toddler group who was trying to persuade me I could lift my two stone toddler two weeks after a section, she was driving and doing SAS training (kidding) a week after hers.. yeees ok. Just ignore, most of it is fabrication, said for effect or to impress. I overheard soft play lady giving a completely different story to someone else, she clearly just changes her story to suit.
I blame the demise of proper maternity smocks. You knew where you were with them. You ate chocolate, you napped in the afternoon, you knitted. These days it's all leggings and a top one size bigger than usual.
Having said that, I was climbing over styles at 40 weeks. I felt better in the last couple of weeks of pregnancy than I had for the whole 9 months - go figure.
Its all swings and roundabouts.... I had a very healthy pg, no problems, no morning sickness etc. I was working 45-55 hour weeks at 7 1/2 months. Had a terrible birth, ecs, though with excellent recovery, and a baby that was the most sensitive, waily, unhappy mite you could imagine. Colic seemed to last a lifetime, she couldn't sleep until about 8 months etc etc.
Wait until your lo is here- you'll have the last laugh
I'm with Eachpeachpearmum. First pregnancy I remember mucking out stables, carting bales of hay and water buckets two days before dd was born and feeling fine. (the day before the birth I ran up a steep hill carrying a curtain pole because I could see a traffic warden by my car). The birth was terrible, long and painful. 2nd time around I had sickness and could hardly walk let alone run. The birth was 4 hrs from start to finish, no pain relief, stitches or anything!
Those people you think are smug might get a shock the next time around. Does that help?
With my first pregnancy I felt fine and carried on as normal (ie working 50 hours a week). I felt sick and tired most of the way through a second pregnancy and slackened off. I should be allowed to behave as I want when pregnant - carrying on as normal is in no way a reflection on those who do feel ill throughout their pregnancies
Quattro, can't speak for the op, but for me it's people who seem to think that everyone who isn't feeling and doing as well as they do are somehow not up to this motherhood thing. Not people who are just feeling good. I think it's probably more about competitive women than feeling well.
I've been wearing dungarees throughout! Mostly because I figured that only pregnant women wear them and so I waddle wander around rubbing my bump and looking like an American farmgirl. It stops the students where I work from hassling me and makes sure people realise I'm pregnant (I'm always terrified people will assume I'm just fat). I love it!
I get really annoyed with people who tell me i shouldnt be doing this or that because i am pregnant. My sister was the worst when pregnant she would take her dp shopping as she couldnt push the trolley because of the pregnancy, to me that was just stupid.
I think if you've never had a shite pregnancy it's hard to really imagine how horrible it can be.
I had a text book pregnancy with no problems apart from heartburn. Everyone told me how well I looked, except one "friend" who had had a shite pregnancy who kept saying "oh you look so ill/tired/sick/pale" and tbh I think she totally didn't want me to have a good pregnancy.
I gave up work 6 weeks before my due date because I knew I wasn't going back, but could have worked till the end if I'd wanted.
I walked up to my 39 week ante-natal appointment at the surgery which was about a mile away.
Pregnancy is not an illness, and imo people should carry on as normal if they are able to.
I carried on working with my first pregnancy,until 39 weeks. I had hyperemesis but not for as long. With DD I spent a big chunk of my time in hospital. Thankfully, this pregnancy is more like my first. Sadly, for some of us, pregnancy is like an an illness, a really horrible one! I wouldn't wish it on anyone. But your friend may have developed a bit of a phobia about pregnancy if she was really ill, which may be her excuse, rather that being churlish about you feeling well? I think the idea that you shouldn't lift this or that or be doing whatever is wrong, and drives most people mad, even if they feel crap. I got really fed up of people asking me how I felt- I really didn't need to be reminded of it the whole time.
I certainly didn't carry on to annoy other pregnant women. You do what you feel happy with. If I felt happy working until 40 weeks and cycling and demolishing sheds and stuff then why not? It was never a showing off exercise. It's what I wanted to do. There's an argument for keeping active in pregnancy anyway rather than just sitting still eating chocolates and getting fat.
True Xenia but when your body can't do what you want it to you have to force yourself to sit down and rest and thats bloody hard when your normally a very active person. Or like me you do it anyway and then cannot walk the next day because of it.
I'm with you there, Sweetkitty!I think I'm going to need a break before I have three under four in my care! Xenia- I didn't move any benches, but I am a sculptor, and we have to take great care of our backs or else it's career over, so I concentrated on my gallery project management work (couldn't use a lot of my usual chemicals/metalworking processes anyway). Amazingly I managed to lose 2 stone when pregnant- having HG is probably cheating, though.
You have to listen to your own body, but I do think there is a lot to be said for being RESTED when you go into labour. On the other hand, some gentle exercise is also beneficial, so long as it doesn't put pressure on your back or joints. I found swimming was good, except that the chlorine in the water made me nauseous.
I remember during my first pregnancy, I had a new boss -younger than me and a bit of a control freak and her favourite saying when I had an hour or two off to go to checkups was 'pregnancy isn't an illness you know'and saying how she'd work up until the last minute and she 'd schedule appointments around work, well 3 months after i had DS1, she got pregnant, and granted, suffered pretty bad morning sickness in weeks 6 - 15, but by the time she started het mat leave, she'd only been at work for 11 days in 7 months - thing is, I'm so bloody soft I didn't have the heart to make her eat her words!
I think you are right. I was so sick and immobile with dd I don't know how I'd have gone on with a labour (had elcs). I'm much more active this time, as not so ill, so I'm feeling quite confident about the birth (long way off, yet)
Butterfly, don't I'm getting all proactive and excited as I have a consultant who will support my VBA2C! MY friends think I'm mad, as I'm still in 'honeymoon condition', as they put it.
I've had 2 pregnancies, the first was amazingly wonderful and I loved every minute of it, but still did my best to take care of my body as my baby was depending on me to bring it into the world as healthily as possible. The second pregnancy washell in comparison and it meant that, with me taking it a bit easier the first time round, I didn't feel any pressure from anyone to push myself to the limit.
Sure, being pregnant is not an illness but it's down to the mother to keep herself in check for the sake of a healthy babe.
There's no need to prove yourself to anyone, what's pride got to do with having a baby anyway?!
I am having one hell of a pregnancy and yet despite this I am trying to keep active as the thought of being so totally unfit when I have baby worries me! I have a friend who is due about the same time as me - she has not suffered from anything - nausea, smell sensitivity, SPD, heartburn etc. She felt she should remind me one day as I finished being sick in the front garden (was in car and had morning sickness unexpectedly) that pregnancy was not an illness and that if I stopped acting like it was I would probably stop feeling so sick and feel better! Cheap shot...especially as she does nothing but complain about heat, baby kicking and tiredness and will not lift a finger to do anything, including watching my DD for 5 mins as my DH was caught in traffic and I had to go to GP ppointment. (She said she was too tired). She also gets her Mum to sleep over 3 nights a week to cook and look after her DD who is in nursery 3 full days.
I do not begrudge this (except the helping out thing which i have done for her many times) - infact would love the help! But I agree with what people are writing, some people do experience pregnancy as an illness and a few women just act woosey and pathetic.
Might add neighbour was friend, but after all of this I have really distanced myself as I have felt so hurt by her comments. It is sad we could have been a great support to each other...
The time I felt worse with all 4 pregnancies including the twin one as the first 3 months when no one knew because of feeling sick. I agree with the listen to your body and it depends what work you do. If I felt sick I went off to vomit but it didn't stop me working at a desk and with the twins (sickness in twin pregnancy is often much worse) I had a sleep after lunch each day even if just on my office floor. I noticed no difference between having a child at 22 and 36 by the way in terms of fitness and ability to cope either. Pregnant with a 1 and 3 year old was obviously the worst time.
After 3 months I felt fine, bit large at the end and hot but not ill. Working until you go into labour is no big deal if you work in an office - it is an asbolutely pinic compared to looking after a 1 and 3 year old when you're 40 weeks pregnant.
I don't think i have met any woman who has behaved like superwoman when pregnant? I have met a couple who have milked their pregnancy though for all it's worth! I don't mean the genuine ones who are having a rough time, i have all the syperthy in the world for those women.
We had a woman a work who told everyone individauly that she pregnant (she was about 4 weeks then) and told everyone she had told not to tell anyone. Anyway it was the worst kept "secret" in the world and she went mad when she realised everyone knew and talked about it (even though she told everyone Anyway she had every ache and pain you could think of, you could see she was fine but she just wanted loads of syperthy and attention. Most of the stuff she said sounded like it had come straight out of a pregnancy book!
She gave up work at 6 months, i think it's due in June but it's felt like this woman has been pregnant for ever!
I imagine it's not nice if you are genuinly suffering and you have people saying "stop milking it" That must be awful.
I stopped work at 30 weeks with dd2 and felt a bit pathetic, as so many other women I knew carried on to the bitter end. But I was doing a job that was quite physically taxing.
I wanted to keep working right up to 38 weeks when i was pregnant, but unfortunately it just wasn't possible.
I was pregnant during summer 2006, the hottest summer on record and the shop i worked in was having a new floor built so the AirCon had to be shut down.
By 32 weeks i was struggling not to melt, having to wear my own clothes instead of the uniform and risking passing out, as well as suffering from SPD. I gave up and went on Mat leave at 33 weeks.
Still pisses me off when people i worked with said "oh, i kept going right up until my due date"
yeah? well.. bully for you. I spent the last 6 weeks of my pregnancy on my couch, in my underwear with a fan, and aircooler and plenty of icecream in an effort not to die from heat stroke.
Hedgewitch, I has pregnant that summer, too! I had the most awful HG, lost loads of weight, had a toddler to look after full time- I was knackered. My brother couldn't see what I was complaining about. She was soo worth it, though, a little darling! I can't believe I've done it again though- I'm due first week November so will be pregnant all summer again!I must be mad.
I changed jobs when I was pregnant with no. 3 and took 2 weeks off between jobs. That was when I took the shed apart and I remember taking all the planks to the tip on various trips. I think if you're up to it working in he fields, gardening etc is just what a lot of women need, fresh air and exercise.
I too was pregnant during summer '06! I had no sickness or ill health. I moved house, went on holiday, attended a music festival and numerous gigs, helped my mum with her house move, went to three weddings, no days off work and generally carried on my life as normal. I secretly felt a bit proud of myself for managing so well. However.....went into labour at 33 weeks, had pre-term DS who required blood transfusion as he was severely anaemic and was taken to special care before I could see him and stayed there for 15 days. (Fine now thankfully) but wasn't able to hold him until he was 2 days old. They didn't work out why DS came so early or why so anaemic, but can't help but wonder if my 'heroics' somehow contributed towards his ill health. I hope not but if ever in the same situation again I fully intend to sit on my arse!!! Sorry for the big long tale, but I think about what happened every day and rightly or wrongly can't stop feeling guilty.
Oooh I was summer 06 wasnt it HOT. I wouldnt blame yourself MCA.
I ended up on crutches with SPD and work signed me off early because they "couldnt bear to see me hobbling around". It made the male partners uncomfortable. I spent the last month sitting in the garden with work friends ringing to commiserate about how bored I must be. But wasnt bored for a second it was bliss being forced to do nothing after 10 years of 50 hour weeks in the city and racing round the world to stupid meetings. Never went back needless to say.
I think I am very lucky I dont suffer any of the horrible things associated with pregnancy and I am able to continue with my normal life. Having seen many women who really do suffer physically during pregnancy I can and do sympathise.
I would say do what you feel you can do during your pregnancy and ignore what others are saying and doing (which are often two different things!!) as somebody else said pregnancy is often the start of the on up mumship.
Although I still harbour murderous thoughts towards the male childless friend of DHs who told me pregnancy is natural and any symptoms are "all in the mind".
I wish that he could have experienced 1 week of how I felt in the first 3 months - havign to carry plastic bags around as I was sick on the bus to and from work every day and then a week of SPD when every step was painful. Grrr
I was worse the first six weeks when I came home after work and fell asleep most nights as soon as I sat down. Once past that stage I was fine, wouldnt say that it classed me as superwoman though.
I worked until 38 weeks and went 2 weeks over, those 4 weeks dragged. I still remember walking to the supermarket on my induction date to do some shopping so that there was enough food in for DH, the check out lady asked me when it was due and I said about 2 hours time lol - she couldnt get me out of there fast enough, somebody came and packed my bags and loaded the car My brother thought I was made when he fetched me but I felt fine just bored.
I then had to have a section so maybe it was DS's way of telling me we needed more food in the house
I had a pretty good pregnancy but found that DH was all concerned and lovely early on (carrying shopping when DS was size of a pea, telling me to put my feet up constantly) then, by the time I was waddling around like a fairy elephant with carpal tunnel syndrome and huge swollen feet the novelty had worn off and DH would say "ah get on with it, you're alright!".
There was a woman at work preggers at the same time as me who defo looked down her nose at me for finishing work at 36 rather than 39 weeks, she said "well I want to spend more time with my baby when it is here!"
ive got as couple of mates who lurched from one complaint to the next......morning sickness(yes,i had that too thanks) then fake contractions/stretching pains blah blah blah)both of these women are like this in normal life so pg just seem to give them an extra reason for mega attention seeking and whinhging
I wouldn't tell any pregnant woman to act like superwoman but i would advise to try, health permitted, to stay as active as you can. I don't mean do 10 laps around the block every night but staying active and healthy benefits you and the baby, especially during labour and birth
thanks for explaining 
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