Whilst just about being civil to each other over split arrangements he then said " oh and I would be grateful if you wouldn't throw out any of the good baby clothes for any future children I may have" I was then . I said you're having a laugh aren't you you really think I would let another woman have my babies' clothes? Meaning, another woman of his as opposed to any other woman (I regularly give outgrown clothes to charity shops). He said with a sarcastic smile there you go again being selfish and posessive".
Wouldn't you feel pretty p*ed off at that?

Yes - give them all to a charity shop to show that you are a better person. Then, when he asks, say, 'Oh, those went to charity to show what a generous and unmaterialistic person I am'.

He's a cunt. You are well rid.

What a complete moron that man is! Go and grace the charity shops with your lovely baby clothes!

OMG!! Idiot!!

How about if you had another baby though?
Would you want to use them?

(Just asking,I also think he is a knob to say it though.)

I suppose his point is that the baby clothes belong to each of you equally as parents, so he has as much right as you to use them again if the need arises.

But you have probably had much more to do with those clothes on a day to day basis and it was certainly a tactless comment, to say the least.

I'd be tempted to ask him not to throw ot any of his clothes - just in case they happen to fit a future dp of yours.

He sounds like an arse.

give his new partner the old baby clothes - covered in poo and sick and wee of course, don't wash them. I'm sure she'll appreciate having her partners ex wife's cast offs.

Hmm. I imagine women will be queueing around the block for him to impregnate them, with his charm.

Good lord.

What woman wants her dp's ex's baby clothes.

Is he even human?

I would give them to charity and then tell him you are keeping them for when you have more children as you are fairly sure it will be before he does.

Idiot man

I can understand why you are annoyed, I really can. But try to remember that any subsequent children he has will be your childs half bothers or sisters, and would you really not want them using the clothes?

I know that I would give any of DS stuff to my ex if he were to have another child. It wouldn't be any different to me keeping them and using them for my own subsequent children.

I really don't mean to sound harsh, but I do think you are maybe being a little selfish?

What a knob!

Yes i would give them to charity or keep them for yourself for any future babies you might have

you are not being selfish, i would burn my DDs clothes before i gave them to any XP who threw that comment at me!

The point of keeping the clothes for subsequent children is that you get to cuddle them again, and see them get used, and I cannot see her doing a deal of cuddling of her exps future offspring!

hes being a twat but you have to feel sorry for the woman who settles down with him .

Here you are darling ,my ex wife put these baby clothes away for you .

I doubt very very much I'll be having any more dc as I'm in my early forties.
Elasticwoman that is exactly his point. I suppose if I was in a position to use them with a new dp I might although by now they would be third hand. TBH I would definitely not want a dp's ex-wife's baby clothes and I certainly wouldn't ask for them. It's just tactless. Maybe it's just too soon for me to feel differently. A few years down the line and I might mellow a bit.

I actually think that is terribly sad, that you would presume that you will not stay on good enough terms with your ex to think of them using their childs clothes with a new partner.

Thankfully, my ex and I are on great terms, although it took time, and I know that I would be happy for my DS clothes to be passed on to his siblings, whether they be his mothers or fathers children.

Is this a common trait that ex-hs (or stbxhs) have that they open their gob before engaging gear? Agree he seems a knob, and you should keep the fave ones for yourself, future children, or maybe even your grandchildren

Maybe pass over a bag of those faded, shapeless grobags that were kept at the back of the drawer for real dire emergencies - "just in case"

(PMSL at DSM's "bothers" - my DD has two "bothers too!)

I'm sorry but I don't think I've met a man yet who gives a monkeys about baby clothes.

It sounds to me like a rather clumsy attempt at being hurtful. Treat it with the contempt it deserves!

rofl paros

er no SmugColditz I don't think I will.
Best of wishes to my dc and any new siblings and I hope they would be close but don't (to x) include me.

Well done, DSM, that you have managed to put all human feeling aside whilst dealing with your ex, but try to remember that Citronella and her husband haven't even split up yet, so being maybe not entirely cold blooded on the matter is fair normal!

Citronella - you wouldn't want to be included in your childrens brothers and sisters lives?

Citronella - don't speak too soon! I was prescribed condoms at age 46 when the doctor couldn't find the threads of my coil! PMSL at that and didn't use them, but if you are under 45, watch out - plenty of women that age are conceiving.

So he was trying to rub in his relative fertility as well. Nice man .

Not sure what you mean Colditz.. put human feeling aside?

I think he is being cruel.

Is he really going to start an argument as to who gets the second hand baby clothes?
I suppose he needs them a second time round as he didn't stay long enough to notice them on his current baby. What a git.

Tell him he can have them if you get his pension.

DirtySexyMummy, that's just it though we are not splitting on good terms except for the dc's sake. If it weren't for them I would rather be a million miles away.
I think you are right KatyH.

You should bag them up and give them to him now. Tell him you need to make room for your new lingerie

OMG Elasticwoman!
Oh yeah and she's 26 apparently.
I have to say for her sake whoever she is I kind of hope they will be happy but I draw the line at handing over my babies' clothes.

The point is if you were just on the point of a tricky split that sort of comment is completly unnecessary,fairly petty and more about point scoring.I really can't believe he actually wanted the clothes so much as to say the rude comment smugly afterwards.Sorry if i'm wrong.If you were splitting on better terms then the comment wouldn't have been made and a little more tact would have been involved.He would have been more thoughtful towards you and I guess you wouldn't have been hot footing it to the charity shop.I'm sure no new woman would want the clothes anyway under these circumstances!!Can understand why your pi$$ed off.

Don't wish to answer for Citronella, but when I split with my ex-h, one of the few comforts was that I would no longer have to be involved with any area of his life that I did not want to - free to choose for once.

YOu can keep on good terms if possible, as after all you will probably be grandparents "together" at some stage, attending same weddings etc, but you are under NO obligation to share in his current or future relationships and their produce

now you see, I would keep them and then take great delight in talking him and OW through all the beautiful memories associated with each outfit, one by one, with a big smile on my face. Then remind OW that he walked out on those memories, and might well do it to her too.

Aaah didn't realise there was another woman on the scene. Sorry.

Seems all the more peculiar then why he would feel the need to be so hurtful to you. You would have thought that in such a position he could afford to be more magnanimous. Is he maybe using her to score points also?

mixformax I totally identify with that.

just for fairness, he did not walk out on us but I called time and tbh I think after the initial denial, anger etc was quite relieved.

DSM I don't want to talk for Citronella either but she hasn't completed separating YET so she's unlikely to have made plans or considered how she feels about XH having other children etc etc.One day at a time.Glad things are good for you but in a tricky split you can't expect everyone to be so amicable...She can only work with what she's got!Even from this thread i think he's not making it easy.ANYWAY if they got on fantastically at the point of separation ,they probably wouldn't be separating at all!

YANBU - he is a twat and sounds like he just said it for a reaction!

Altho its the end of one part of your life (i.e. together) and has sadness, grief, probably anger and all sorts of neg emotions involved, its important to find the positive side too.

My positives were - big bed all to myself, pillows stayed fresh (not smoky), choice of TV programmes, or no TV unless I wanted it, no Grand Prix on Sunday nights!, no MIL visits/phone calls.. the list goes on....

Must remember some of the responses, although sometimes I just get to the point where I can't be bothered even answering and just walk away.

Mixformax - no obligation, obviously. But surely you would want to? I know I would want to be involved with my childrens siblings. I would want to know them, see them regularly enough to know them, buy them presents at birthdays/christmas etc, have parties together, be able to babysit if required.. I would definitely want all that.

Citronella - very sad that you are not really on good terms. Hopefully over time you can learn to be friends, believe me it is a lot easier, more pleasant, less stressful and more fun. And a hell of a lot more healthy for your children.

Just read that one out to my dp (and he always, but always takes the man's side in any argument of this type) and he said 'Ooooh, that's a bit unnecessary'. Guess your soon to be ex is trying to get a reaction. Smile sweetly and say you'll need them.

DSM, do you really not see that Citronella's ex was trying to get a rise out of her? It wasn't a neutral comment. It was a dig.

Bag them up and give them to him now. Tell him that this is helping your crusade to declutter your life and it'll help create so much more room in your *life/home for other *things/people (*delete as applicable). So, you'd be grateful if he'd take them with him as soon as he's gone. Oh, and that you are really glad that they will be put to good use, particularly for deserving siblings, which is as good as the deserving children who'd benefit from them being given to a charity shop. Say it with a huge, permanent .

oh fgs does he have any idea how much of this stuff accumulates? Take mountains of unwanted dc clothes over NOW and let him deal with it. Bet future Mrs ExH will be thrilled with your hand me downs.

Prick.

I vote for giving him any you don't need right now too. And every time your lo grows out of some send them on over too.
Def sounds like point scoring to me.
Cunt.
I am not mixing my words tonight

"slightly miffed"??
my dear, you are a saint
yes, bag up all the clothes and all the stuff you have right now, all th ebaby equipment and let him deal with it
and say "of course, you must keep hold of it in case I need it for the grandchildren"

he sounds like a prize wanker, btw, trying to get a rise out of you.

your indifference is the source of your greatest power. cultivate it well

lolVVVQV

I wish I had your big heart DSM and I'm sure over time it is easier. We try to be civil <cough> friendly for dc's sake but he keeps coming up with gems like this one that just do my head in and I realise why we have got here. There is plenty more but not for this thread.
Mixformax you are sooooo right
My positives - huge bed, get up and go to bed when I want (actually I get up when the dc want), think what I want when I want, watch what I want when I want, wear what I want when I want, eat what I want when i want , and the list goes on!

Citronella - I do hope things will get better for you and I am sure they will.

Have to say - if you were in a relationship where you couldn't get up when you want, watch what you want, wear what you want, eat what you want etc etc, then you are better off out of it.

DSM find you quite patronising.

You could also maybe tell him that you had bagged up the baby clothes ready to go to the charity shop but you be would be happy to pass them over to him, if he handed over a HUGE donation to your favourite charity (or wine/choc fund...)

Keep searching out the positives.... [hugs]

Oh, agree with harpsi and dingdong - get all the baby equipment out and ready to hand straight over too, and keep on passing it over. Have a real good clear out.

Will await a thread in a year or so from a mum with PFB who is bemoaning that her DP's exwife keeps handing over 2nd hand clothes

I am growing to like the idea of calling his bluff and boxing up every bit of clothing, toys and equipment that we don't need and let him have them.
Even if he does have more dc, i think i agree now with all of you who said he said it to get a rise out of me or point score.

Must not take the bait
Must not take the bait
Must not take the bait

I'm off to bed with my mind at rest again. Thank you all for your posts.

VVVQV

have you told him he's a knob yet? if notring him up immediately and tell him. better still, put his number on here and we'll all do it for you

If you have a spare fiver I would go to the charity shop and buy baby stuff . Then give them to him with a smile on your face saying here you are no problem . them go back indoors and smile sweetly to your self . For starters you have pissed her off . (who would want their partners ex wifes baby clothes )and he thinks he won . But you have just played a lovely little joke on him . In fact I am smiling as I write this . LOL

Hee hee - give him one small bag every time you see him, oh and every broken toy too, one at a time.

he can have mine too. Bags and bags. Scummed up vests and pieces of sucked up lego. Hey we could have a MN collection for him couldn't we? Goodness his hypothetical future children could be fully kitted till they leave for university

dont forget all the odd socks as well LOL

oh and every one of us must have had a duh moment and bought a piece of baby equipment that was no use to man or beast . He could have them . LOL

Fanbloodytastic paros

You should definitely do that citronella.

Everytime he does something that makes your heckles rise, stop, think, and ponder what might actually serve him right for doing so and then do so with a sweet smile on your face.

Ive read this and really cant understand why someone should have or continue to have a relationship with their ex's children.
My ds' dad' ex has never had a relationship of any sort with my ds even though they have a child together. Now XP and i have split up i havent maintained a relationship with his daughter. I have pictures of her and my ds and ds sent her a card for her birthday. The distance is too great between xp and i. They are both his children he should maintain the contact between them that isnt my responsibility

smile sweetly

I can't believe the number of people who are supporting the S2BXH and saying that you're being selfish. WTF?

I understand that your kids need a relationship with their dad, which may mean a relationship with half siblings, but in most cases surely the relationship across half siblings is limited? Only MO as I've never been through this experience, so I'm prepared to be shot down on it.

I personally think this is about your s2bxh gaining some control over the split and scoring points.

I loved what KatyH said about giving him stuff and telling him you're clearing space for lingerie.

Personally, I couldn't be bothered with buying stuff from Oxfam for him. I'd just tell him I'd given the stuff to charity...no offense, but it just struck me as the best thing to do for his current relationship.

I'd then explain that women might not mind cast off men, but generally, with their PFB's, cast off clothes aren't de rigeur.

Then I'd tell him to f**k right off, but that's cos I'm a fishwife

Whatever you decide to do I hope that you manage to resolve things the way you want to. And I'm sure that you'll find much happiness in your future, even if now is a pretty shitty time for you.

Good luck!

Your ex-dh is a twunt.

I would call his bluff and give him the baby clothes but make sure his girlfriend is with him when you do so. I would imagine that any sane 26yr old would run for the hills. I can't imagine that she is even thinking about babies at this stage.

Well done, though, for getting this grade A twat out of your life.

Message withdrawn

pmsl alittleone2!!

You lot really are priceless sometimes!

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. What a very strange request!!! Does he have a 'lady' in mind??????????

My Dh's ex DID give us all the baby clothes she wanted rid of, and I can't imagine ever keeping any of them (I didn't, I gave them to charity) but we'd been together for around 4 years at this point and (IMHO!) it was just the easiest way for her to get rid of the clothes - easier than taking them to the charity shop!

God, what bloke would ASK for them???????

I am still trying to think of a woman on earth who would actually want her DH's Ex partner's old baby clothes.............

As a second wife, I cannot honestly think of anything worse than starting off my baby's life in 'hand-me-downs' from the 'first' family (and, believe me, this is NOTHING to do with second hand stuff - pretty much everything I have for my DS is second hand - charity shop or Ebay, but that is my choice.... Can you imagine the 'rule of thumb' being you had to have the stuff his first wife was chucking out??????????

You gotta get it back from the charity shop and give it to him - and then demand to see his next child IN IT!!!!

what a total k**b!!

Oh and agree with Waffletrees - you have SOOO got to do it when his new woman is in tow.........

Having been that sane 26YO, I can promise you no woman in her right mind would stand for that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do you know I think I might just keep some to give with a gracious smile .

total cock

Believe me, Citronella - you will have the last laugh if you do!

I would say "Of course," with a bright smile.

Then after a pause add: "I do hope you'll tell all your girlfriends that I am saving them, on your first date."

smile sweetly LOL

Another second family here and I wouldn't want the wicked stepmothers his exes cast offs either!

She has a son who is six weeks older than Tink and offered us his cot. TD was all for it but I asked what was wrong with it, after all he could have only been 10/12 weeks and this was a cot not a moses.

"Nothing, it just doesn't have different heights and he's too heavy for her to lift out"

"Well a. I don't want or need her cast offs, b.I have a perfectly good moses <huge thing, she was in it till she was 10 months> c. there is no way I can get even a tiny baby out of a cot that's on the floor with my back and d. did I mention I DON'T WANT HER CAST OFFS?"

Personally I know that I (or my Mum) bought most of what Tink wears, TD is so busy paying her over the odds and their wedding loan that he isn't able to help me out much, so I wouldn't be impressed and wouldn't want him taking it all to give to someone else. I'm getting annoyed with my SIL who wants me to give Tink's cast offs to her SIL. My SIL has a DD 9 months older than Tink and hasn't given me any of hers, odd cardigan when we've been there late. I spent a lot of money getting her clothes and often from Ebay, so I don't see why I should pass them on.

I like the idea of passing on EVERYTHING and not waiting till they have their own. They'll be shocked how much there is!

I definetly think it's being nasty and showing off he got some idiot someone 20 years younger who has childmaking years left.

I did it and you were right. During another of his 'talks'(he was asking what I thought of someone else moving in when I move out)I handed him a bundle of baby clothes.
"I don't want these" he said
" oh, I thought you said you did though I can't imagine why any self-respecting woman would want her dp's ex's baby stuff?"

"oh I said it to wind you up"

Oh, very nicely done!

Hey, just seen this Citronella. Sooooo pleased you did it, well done!! However, what a complete arse! Can't believe he has such little dignity that he would actually admit to winding you up in such a way. Says alot about his state of mind.

I hope it was satisfying though

I do believe you had the lST Laugh . Well done you .

good on ya
what a spiteful cunt
the 26-year-old has got quite a catch, eh?

Well it had to be either an attempt to wind you up (and well done for handing over the stuff with a smile) or a way of steering round to mention that he's got someone else PG. But he does sound a prize dick.

I'd now wait until you get him and his 26 yr old together and hand over another batch.

If he says again "I was winding you up", say that you thought he wasn't serious as no-one could be that spiteful could they ?.

Why are you moving out? Surely as you are going to be the resident parent you should keep the house?

Oh and well done. I like the idea of offering in front of his new girlfriend.