It's up to you - it's your dd's christening after all. However, it might not be as bad as you think - people laughed at me when I said I was having my wedding meal in Frankie and Benny's, but it was amazing!

thanx everyone! (have now got a craving for custard tarts though kewcumber!! wish was still preg so had excuse for these cravings though!Lol)

there hasnt been much mention of it since then, and we had thought of asking FIL to have it in his garden as is quite nice and large, and they have a small bouncy castle, but no longer an option as their dog jumped at DD and so no longer want her around that dog at all.

rosmerta- definitley love the idea of pub garden it sound much more like what i am after, and it gives people the option of having a drink and not needing their car, as well as us not having to do the clearing up afterwards or trying to get rid of the inevitable stragglers!

going to go ahead and sort out buffet at local pub and DH is going to casually mention it to FIL in a nice way, and thank him for his offer but explain not really practical or fair for him to have to work when we want him to enjoy it.

fingers crossed! xx

Would say a definite no, you need to start now or where will it stop...you will have very definite ideas on what you want for your dd and just becuase fil has an idea in his head does not mean it has to, by all means be gracious etc, but also be adamant. This is your dd and your ( and dh's choice) FWIW it does sound completely unsuitable for children to run around etc

yanbu, I would try as nicely as possible to say no. My ds was baptised in the summer & we had his party in a local pub garden with a buffet. Everyone very relaxed & mingled, it was really nice and special.

At the end of the day, its your dd and your choice for her christening.

and unless the pub across the road to the church is owned by Gordon Ramsey or Heton Blumenthal - I dont see he can feel you're being snobbish about it!

my mother ran a post office and corner shop for all my youth and it paid for my upbringing. I had no problem with being brought up "living above the shop". Not sure I would have fancied having DS christened in it though (though our custard tarts were exceptioonally good). I don't think that makes me a snob?

...look on the bright side, he does not own a meat packing plant..

You can't have a christening party in a motor yard cafe!

Just tell him you want eveyone to be able to walk from teh church without using cars.

Hopefully he'll get the message without you saying any more.

Oops, family not fanily

I always presume that when people have events like christenings and marriages in the summer it's because of nice weather (well, in theory)

Does anyone in the fanily have a nice garden? Could you have a bbq and FIL does the cooking? That way you'd have the family touch, but also not be inside for the day.

Go for it. The day itself will be better than you expect and the ramifications of rejecting this very kind offer could be dire.

Having eaten in many a greasy spoon (I love my sausage and bean baps) I woulod absolutely NOT hold a Christening party in one.

Impractical for many reasons, not at all snobbish. If it were a cafe with round tables, movable chairs which could be prettied up with nice flowers etc, then yes but this doesn'nt sound like that.

Is there space for children to run around and play? All the Christenings I have been to have lots of little children having a lovely time.

omg i cant believe some peoples reactions! i am not a snob at all or a "stick up the arse fashionista type" - and as i have said it is not a normal cafe it is a men in overall type cafe in a motor yard - not somewhere that could be transformed with decorations at all!! i want everyone to be relaxed and happy - not stuck sitting in hard chairs bolted to the floor or standing outside staring at miles of cars for sale! i dont think that is being snobbish at all, i am entitled to want my own daughters christening to be nice and relaxed - i am hardly after having a swanky party - i just want a relaxed couple of hours in the pub over the road from the church, the cafe is a good drive and not relaxed at all! i would have it at home but our garden is in half finished at the moment and is only very small. plus the cafe did not rear my dh, fil has only had it for a year, i do not have any problems with the cafe business - it is his own business and he works extremely hard i have no problems going there or helping out.

thanks to everyone who has been nice or put their comments across in a much better way!!

I really wouldn't blame your family. See how it would seem from your in-law's POV. "her" family think we aren't good enough for them and arranged a swanky do without even asking us to be involved at all.

There's more than enough potential for conflict between the sets of grandparents, without making it up.

If you really can't bear to have it there (although it seems lovely to me) have it at home (for the garden if you have one) and let him do the food.

She is not being unreasonable at all!

She wants a lovely outside venue with her baby in a beautiful gown and everyone in posh frocks enjoying themselves!

A greasy spoon is not what i would visualise for such an occasion.

Maybe you could ask your FIL to provide something for the party and have the venue you want but say that your parents have contributed to the buffet/pub idea.

Your party your money...you should decide.

Not snobby at all.

YABU, it is a lovely offer and you would be petty to refuse for fear of grease.

I'd have loved that for DD's Christening party! We hired a room in local hotel in the end. Was lovely, but there wasn't really any personal touches.

You are being offered a lovely 'family' venue, which, I would imagine, has the potential to be decorated nicely, put up lots of piccies of baby and your family!

If your 'friends' refuse to eat there, and turn their noses up, then they are not very good friends.

I agree with Madamez - you are sounding a bit snobish.

I would have loved something like this for DS's naming party if I'd had such a thing. If you and some of your friends are stick-up-the-arse fashionista types, surely someone somewhere can tell you that it's a retro ironic statement and incredibly cool,
to make you feel better about it.

If the place is filthy and insanitary and you know that your FIL will slap plates of undercooked burgers down in front of guests while picking his nose and smoking fags, then you might have a bit of a point, but otherwise, don't be such a snob.

I think it could be fabulous

Champagne and chips - fab combo

As we say in Ireland "tis far from suits and silk gowns your dh was reared", in other words, that cafe reared and educated your dh, its very touching of your FIL to offer it. It will be a wonderful story to tell your child when they are older. YABU, and a snob.

it would be different certainly! i just know i wouldnt feel comfortable there and i dont think anyone else would! i can imagine it being one of those embarressing parties where its really quiet and everyone is looking at the floor! i was hoping just to go to the pub over the road which has a lovely beer garden and maybe having a small buffet for our group!

i know it is nice of him to offer its just not what i had in mind for my first babys christening! and the way it is set out and were it is (in a motor yard lol) means it isnt really possible to make it look any better!

i think i will go with either blaming it on my relatives (thanx custardo!) or simply saying thanks but no thanks!! i want him to enjoy it as well and it cant be enjoyable sweating away in a suit! and if a drop of grease goes on dd il go mad lol!!

lol @ bacon buttie!! you may have persuaded me!

anyone elses IL's tried to get you to do something you didnt want to?!

just tell them thanks but there are far too many people coming to fit in the cafe.

It does sound like fun and it's certainly different!!!!!!! Just because it's a greasy spoon cafe doesn't mean the food has to be greasy spoon on your dds christening day, you can have anything.

I think it sounds like fun,as bitof says you can make it look how you want and no cost or inconvenience to yourself.
But then I was too lazy to organise a christening....

he sounds like a nice man who means well. Can you go somewhere else but still have him do the catering for you.

Or as someone else said, can you decorate it. Just think an empty cafe would have huge potential for decorating in a blackandwhite/50's diner/tropical theme whatever. You could theme the food too.

Oh but it's nice of him to offer though isn't it? Say no but in a nice way, say you would like somewhere with outside space so that if it's sunny people can enjoy it. He's probably proud of his business and his granddaughter and wants to show his love by providing a greasy feast.

blame it on your relatives. they paid for somewhere else - they didn;t know - its helped you out and you are grateful - so sorry

YANBU, a warm day in a greasy spoon, nice, imagine the smell,

bacon buttie anyone

Oh dear - can you suggest that you'd really like to have it somewhere with a garden/outdoor space etc so that people can go outside/children can go outside etc?

Or is there any conceivable way you could decorate it and make it look nice?

Just say, no,no,no,no....Good Luck

Hi everyone! hope everyone is well. just thought i would vent a bit and see if anyone else has any funny/annoying stories about things their in laws wanted them to do!!

my dp's father owns a cafe (a normal men in overall type one!) and so has decided when our first born has her christening in june that the party should be held in there afterwards! i just cant see us and all our friends hanging about a greasy spoon in suits and dresses and my little girl in a silk gown! i dont think anyone would be comfortable, especially watching dps dad making them food and drinks etc, sitting in rigid seats attached to the table, on a hopefully warm sunday afternoon! ive tried (well i got dp to!) saying that he wouldnt be able to enjoy it as hed be working effectively but he really wants to do it! argh!!!!!

any advice!! xx