My ds1 (2.6) has had glue ear for at least the last 15m, probably more. We had a miserable spring with him last year, and even more miserable this year, and the autumn was pretty bad too. We can't tell exactly when his ears are giving him trouble, only that his behaviour goes through peaks and troughs, and we get bursts of agression / whiney behaviour / soiling coinciding with complaints of sore ears and or being more deaf than usual. I feel I have to apologise for his behaviour to others, particularly parents of kids the same age, as their kids don't seem to do the same things. When he's going through a good patch it catches us out every time because we'll have forgotten what a lovely boy he can be. It affects his life so much, I can't believe that something as simple as gungy ears can have such a huge impact on his behaviour and outlook.

So can anyone with experience of this advise me - is it plausible that glue ear has this much impact on behaviour, or is it more likely that we're making excuses for ds1's behaviour in his terrible twos?

Our DS was late with his speech (although billingual which meant they referred us later ) and the HV referred us for a hearing test and they flatlined. After 3 tests (over 9 months) and no improvement (we also tried alternative treatments as well) they suggested grommets.

Neither of us were keen but the consultant explained/showed it brilliant to us. They showed that DS tried to imply he could hear (lip reading and guessing)and it was soo sad to see he couldnt and eventually would switch off. He would be labelled a difficult child while he really isn't, he loves to learn new things and likes to please other people.

he had his grommets on Monday and we can see an improvement although not as much as we'd hoped but hopefully when he starts school fulltime he will not have a hearing disadvantage.

The audiology cliniq gave us leaflets to give to school and groups explaining glue ears which made a difference. Also DS started telling people he couldnt hear as well and to speak loudly or repeat when he couldnt hear.

So no I think it has made a huge impact on DS's behaviour and likely your DS as well.

has he been recommended for grommets, wulf?

Absolutely - my ds had glue ear from 12 months to 3years he then had his first grommets op which only gave him 3 months relief, he had his second grommets op at age 5 and that one has had more of a lasting effect...but yes, his behaviour was extreme, mainly due to his frustration (he had very little speech). He was aggressive, mainly to me but he also hurt himself (would bite his own wrists), he had rituals which he used to make himself feel in control, he had major tantrums, and it was increasingly stressful as he continued this behaviour as he got older (2 year old tantrums in public are understandable, similar behaviour by a child in school uniform leads to a lot of 'judgey' behaviour from others).
Sorry if that sounds negative - but just wanted to confirm that long-term glue ear can have a major impact on behaviour.
Have you seen a good audiologist/ENT consultant? Are they looking at grommets?

I found the national deaf children's society website was useful.