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Mumsnet Discussions:
Health
: Problem/Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support IV
(1001 messages)
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"Welcome to the thread, the purpose of this is to give anyone who is having any trouble with their drinking, a safe place to come and post about it honestly and without judgement.
There are many of us that use the thread for support and encouragement: some in recovery, others just needing a place to share about their worries. It's been going on in one form of another for a while now and has helped many people.
Thank you to all of those who have kept it going thus far, and welcome to anyone who has decided the time has come to ask for help.
Everybody's welcome, no matter what stage your drinking is at.
Jump right in, the water's fine"
copied straight from kokeshi at the start of the last thread. Thanks kokeshi
Paperchain, we might have got lost in new thread situation...my first time! Hope everything's okay. Like Daisy said, check in again tomorrow for lots of support... Think I must be off to bed now as I've been digging holes in mum's garden all day and I'm totally knackered! (garden looks good though...) Speak again soon gerbra xx
Oh well done Daisy! Didn't realise it was that time already! Well done to all of you who're having sober days, and to those who are finding it difficult: tomorrow's another day.
I am at home with kids having cut my hours back. I was kind of dreading it because its been a tough time recently and I thought I would get really stressed with them (even though I wanted to spend more time with them etc) However it seems to be going really well. They play really well together and they're easier to cope with. I think they are also benifiting from it (ds is alot less clingy now) I'm quite enjoying it actually even though they are fistycuffs over playing with bobbles or something. Its also quite nice doing normal things like put the washing on the line (does this sound bizarre?)
Yay glowwormish - much-needed time away from work, glad you're enjoying it! Trying to be sober for sober Monday but DP's nectar wine club delivery arrived on friday and with 16 bottles of wine currently floating around the house, to say i'm surrounded by temptation is an understatement! Will see how I get on - don't actually feel like a drink at all at the moment, which has to be good? But I don't usually have a drink until later anyway. Hope everyone's well... Gerbra x
hello, thought I would just make myself known on the new thread, long time lurker, and drinker, no progress really, but keep hanging out here just in case!!! Well done all you abstainers. have had quite a hard few weeks, poor ds has been poorly on and off quite a bit; think it's his molars, cutting his second set. But he's had a tummy bug, loads of puking (had to replace my quilt he was so sick on it eeeerrrrr!!!) a cold, cough and now I ended up at newdoc at the local a&e on Sunday morning coz he'd spent about 6 hours Saturday night just screaming and rolling round his and my bed holding his head and saying his ears hurt. No amount of medised made any difference and there was no consoling him. Of course, by the time we were finally seen by a Doc he was chatty and happy!!! why do they always do this? But didn't care, was glad I got him some anti b's so he didn't have to have another night like that...it was so awful...felt so terrible that there was nothing I could do to console him.
Anyway, have been kind of staying on top of other stuff, the housework and so on, but still really, really need the release that a drink gives me in the evening. So, so wish I could break it. But on top of ds being poorly, the awful weather has meant that dh has been pretty much bed ridden too, so have had the bulk of the child care and had to look after him too. Just can't wait for 8pm when everyone is in bed, or settled and I can just sit for a bit. (At least until I need to help dh with bathing and getting to bed, etc). Hey ho. Sorry to rant, was meaning to say hi to all on new thread, didn't mean to hog. Hang in there everyone...XXXXX
God way to kill a thread.............................................................................................. .........................................sorry....
HI cubby, nice to see you. Whats this about you killing the thread then? Daftie.
It hasn't been very active of late, thats all. ..and anyway, many's the night I've posted and no-ones answered, so don't worry. I thought it was good you wrote a good sized post actually!
Hey Teasle - how are you? I nearly didn't check in tonight as I failed miserably at sober monday but decided to front up and will hopefully look at this post tomorrow and be suitably ashamed! Cubby nice to meet you. Will hopefully catch up with you on the thread another time... Well done everyone's who's had a sober / more sober than usual Monday! Gerbra x
Hey cubby, sorry the wee one isn't well. Don't worry about not being ansewered right away - sometimes the thread has a bit of a lull and then it's really active. Stay with it and you'll be answered. Of course, if everyone posted regularly then none of us could complain that we were being ignored
So, is anyone challenging themselves this week? It's great to get a day under your belt but we need to keep trying it I think to see any long-term benefits.
Who's up for a cumulative effort this week, and perhaps some more posting on the thread about the strategies we're using for staying sober. I think we're all aiming for similar things?
Hi Kokeshi, have failed in style tonight and feel pretty shyte about it really. I would like to give the cumulative effect thing a go but have fallen at the first fence - feel very weak, out-of-control and a bit pathetic actually. I don't mean out-of-control in that I'm falling around the house, more that I wanted to stay off alcohol and failed. Really want to say well done to anyone who's managed to stay off alcohol or cut down. Feel a bit tonight! Gerbra x
gerbra, don't be disheartened, it's an ongoing thing really. We never just 'get sober and stay sober, all of us are continuing to work at it. Some days for me are better than others too, naturally.
I try not to get into the catastrophic thinking like I used to. Before I would tell myslef 'I can't stop drinking' or 'I can't live without drink' or 'I'm too weak'. This just becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and I had to be the one that broke that. It all comes down to making small decisions every day, getting out of my comfort zone, and trying to live for the moment.
Of course we have to plan some things but keeping it 'in the day' is the thing I always have to come back to. If I start stressing about tomorrow or regretting what I did yesterday, I'm losing the only thing that I can actively use.
Here we go again, am up with the...no before the flipping lark. arrggghhhh! ds is cutting his molars (cubby am there with you, how old is your ds...mine is just gone 2) He woke at 1.20am, managed to settle him ok but not myself. Started getting irate about work stuff and thats it, forget trying to sleep. I have a relasxation CD which used to send me off every time but not now. I feel like I've got golf balls in my eyes. Cubby, I feel exactly the same about hitting 8pm, the golden hour!!!!! I get really annoyed if I can't get ds to sleep by then. Gerbra, don't beat yourself up, with all that wine in the house I wouldn't have even attempted it myself. Least you had a night off last week, that's more than I have done in years (apart from when pg).
just dipping a toe in from brief forays into the other threads. Wanted to mention the strength of these threads is impressive. I've managed to be able to stop drinking when I want to. Am still drinking on a few nights but now more off than on and it is still hard but just reading this thread is immensely motivating. I'm nipping in the bud an issue which could dominate my life in the future of that I am certain. I am a lot better for it all. Hope those of you still struggling and stuff, keep believing you'll do it, see yourself not drinking. X x x x
It's great to think how much this thread is inspiring people to take control of their drinking and their lives. Is there a history to the thread? When was it started, by whom and why?
Gerbra I could not have mananged it either with any alcohol in the house. Occasionally xp would buy some beer and store it in the fridge. Unfortunately I would drink it and then replace it with the same brand and size of beer to avoid detection. This however meant there was fresh temptation in the fridge....
Hey Jellibabe- Brassicmonkey initially started the thread I think it was in June last year. I think it was her total honesty about where her drinking had taken her that initially inspired lots of people, and her willingness to do something about it, as beating addiction is really hard work- I know I really have worked my arse off to have what I have today, and BM and Kokeshi are a part of that.
Sorry, small child knocked my arm before I'd finished posting, but I can't remember what I was going to say anyway, er... no, its gone.
About alcohol in the house- personally I don't feel like I'm in a place where I can have drink in the house, but I know people who do, and manage. I also couldn't buy it for someone ie get a bottle of wine for my friend, or carry drinks in a bar, but thats just me, and I suppose its because I don't even want to put myself in a position where its a possibility.
I 100% agree with how great this thread is - thanks everyone for all the kind words. It's so nice to have somewhere you can come and just be honest about what's going on. Jellibabe - that is me to a T! Have to go out today and find an Italian white that resembles the one of DP's I drank last night. I hate how secretive / shifty this makes me. We talked about my drinking at the weekend and I said I was really going to try not to drink this week. What do I say if he asks me? Really don't want to admit I failed last night but don't want to lie to him.
Feeling pretty glum but today is another day. How is everyone else? On the plus side, it's a lovely day!
Gerbra, you have a choice- you don't have to go out and replace some wine and lie- but if you do, its your choice to do that, nothing is 'making' you do anything. Denial is entwined with alcoholism, but you could be honest with him. Just a thought.
Hi Teasle - You're right I think - I know I should be honest but have done so much soul-baring to him for various reasons since Christmas I'm not sure how much more he (I?) can take! Not going to shops until later so will decide what to do in the meantime. Thanks!
I also used every excuse I could think of to not be honest- initially with myself and then others, but in the end, they were just excuses, not reasons. I hope you don't think I'm having a go, because in the end its up to you, but I drank like you at one time, but then my drinking got worse and worse and I just ended up a real mess, but I would hate for anyone to have to get to the point I got to before they really got honest with themselves, if that makes sense. However, that point where we realise we really have to do something is different for everyone. Hope I've made some sort of sense and not just rambled. x
Teasle I don't think you're having a go . TBH, it's very refreshing hearing the truth - DP is convinced that my drinking is not really a problem but I think that's because he lives for weekend drinking and I'm sure he's considered how things might change if I no longer drank... (He's been brilliant by the way - I'm just not sure he sees the extent of it all...). I feel like I've been a bit of a thread-hogger recently and work is calling - boo! Catch up with everyone later Gerbra x
OH gosh, definitely do NOT have drink in the house if you're trying to cut down/stop. That's one of the very first basic things you are told if you ever have any treatment. The temptation is too great, and when dependency is an issue, you are not actually making a choice to drink it. It's part of the whole addiction process.
Obsessing -> Craving -> Lifting a drink -> can't stop/fuck it.
It can come on at any point in that cycle, it takes all of our effort to break those thoughts and having drink within our reach is too much. Gerbra, if you really can't leave it alone if it's in your house then maybe that should tell you about the severity of your problem, because I think you're still at the stage of thinking you can control this? If you're being honest with your DH, that's great but don't try to minimise it, it'll only get worse from here if you're sneaking around and stealing drink then trying to replace it. It's part of teh downward spiral and I did that too. We're very predictable!
This isn't to get on at you by the way, I think you're needing a bit of real help with this? There's no shame in actually admitting you have a drink problem, it's way worse if you continue to sink lower and lower into it. If you're willing to be honest and work for a wee bit of peace and happiness - and dare I say a bit of stability in your life - then there are many different paths you can take.
I would see the GP, but you are making a start being honest on here, I know how difficult that is too. I'm rooting for you.
Jellibabe, a drinking thread has actually been going since early 2006 - if you do a search on my name you can see how it evolved. I guess it did and still continues to be helpful to people who are perhaps not ready to ask for help from anyone but want a safe place to share their worries. Also I think, it's useful for people to see that it is possible to ba happy and sober.
Piffle, great to see you on the thread. It's fab when our posters come back and tell us about successes. HAve you found anything that's worked for you? Strategies? Coping mechanisms?
The best thing anyone can do is start being honest, break that cycle of guilt, shame and remorse and know that there are others who have been there.
jellibabe, I mean to ask how you were getting on with your thing?
Kokeshi - I think I actually do need help. When I think of taking that step though, it's all so huge and I don't think I'm mentally prepared for how much this will change my life. My whole life / family / friends set up is geared around alcohol. Everyone I know drinks - a fair amount. I can't even begin to see how my life would work if I didn't. I know that sounds awful but that's something that really worries me. On the positive side - I can imagine falling in love with a feeling of being sober and in control. More than a few people in RL have told me my drinking's not that much of a problem - but these are people who drink (quite a bit) - we're all in denial! I'm getting to the point where I'm going to bite the bullet and ask the GP for help - I'm just not quite there yet - but I'm thinking it's days away rather than weeks/months/years...) You're all so lovely on here - thanks so so much for all the help... Gerbra x
That's the most important part I think gerbra: do it when you're ready but keep in mind the goal at the end. It's so easy to slip back into that 'I'm not that bad' mentality, especially when everyone around you drinks a lot as well. Part of the reason I didn;t seek help earlier was that I always seemed to keep company with big drinkers: at university, being a TEFL teacher in Taiwan, working in photography.
I know know that part of me actively chose these situations to enable me to drink. I was supposed to be going on to do medicine after I graduated (entry into 3rd year) but packed my bags and went to work for Sesame Street! Not rational thinking at all, but I knew I could blend in with big drinkers and free spirits and what's more not be under the gaze of concerned family, friends or tutors.
YOu'll get there. Keep posting though, you are making progress don't worry about that.
hello i would like to join you if possible -i have lurked on and off but am now determined not to give in to this demon alcohol. i go from not drinking for days to drinking a bottle every night which i know is not good but when it is ther and open i just cannot resist it. i used to kid myself that i had no problem cos if there was none in the house i would'nt go and buy it but thats all i am doing kidding myself.so i really could do with your help cos my skin looks awful and i know that i have aged in the past year which has for other reasons been awful hence the increase in drinking.but you know even as i am writing this there are 2 bottles in the kitchen that i will have to hide [it does'nt help that dh is a sales manager for a wine company!] oh god i am waffling i will check in later i really want to do this
Hi Bambam, well done for posting...you'll get lots of good advice on here. That must be challenging if your DH works in the wine business! I'm afraid I don't think I'll be much help as I'm currently struggling to deal with a drink 'issue' too - there are people on the thread who stopped drinking and always give really good advice (Kokeshi, Teasle she calls )...you'll get support on here from everyone!
Kokeshi - Sesame Street - seriously? Ah...that takes me right back!
Hi Bambam, welcome to the thread. Well done for posting and being honest. It's good to take stock of where you're at with your drinking.
Here's some questions to ask yourself in order to gauge how much help you might need. As I've said, people don;t actually realise that they're dependent on booze until the actually try to stop or have days off, and by that time 'I can stop if I want' to is long gone, it's the insidious nature of addiction, and the strong element of denial that will keep us there.
So here we go, answer them here or just for yourself if you're not ready, but please know that we've all been there.
How much do you drink?
How long have you been drinking like this?
Can you explain the feelings that would lead you to lift a drink?
What would you say, do you use it for?
Has your drinking increased over time or related to something happening in your life?
What happens to you (internally - physically, mentally) if you think you won't be able to drink?
Does it pre-occupy you?
When you have one drink, do you crave another, then another?
HAs it affected your relationships, job, family, finances?
HAs it affected your mental health?
Physical health?
Do you get withdrawal symptoms?
They aren't official questions or anything, but it might help you get some answers for yourself.
kokeshi I am doing pretty well with sobriety at the moment. I still have not had a drink. Amazed at how good my skin is looking. Have been very tired lately and feel about 90 years old. Think my body may be trying to tell me something.
I am enjoying being sober. Just soaking in the difference so that I can use this experience to help me when the going gets harder. For instance at social events. I made the decision not to go to work social events because I was worried I would get really drunk and make a fool of myself a long time ago. So at least noone will be suprized by my nonattendance. For the rest I am just going to run with being sober just now and see where it takes me.
This is a good achievement for me as the kids are at their Dad's this week. Apparently they will be home 1 or 2 evenings. When seems to being issued on a need to know basis only. So with this in mind I decided to try to destress last night without alcohol. Switched off computer & TV and no music - just wanted to feel peaceful. lit candles, burned some scented oil (cinnamon - lovely like being hugged) and had a bath. It was a trip down memory lane having a bath (usually I have showers). Am a lot more relaxed this morning.
Gerbra I have been reading a book by John Bird (founder of the big issue) 'How To Change Your Life in 7 Steps'. He talks about the 3%. Making little changes to move your towards your ultimate goal. He points out that the all or nothing approach often leads to nothing happening as 'we get worn out because we think and worry about what we're trying to do, instead of taking the small steps that will help us achieve it.
good morning all of you and kokeshi in answer to the questions some apply and some not i can go for days and never bother with a drink and then other times when stressed etc i crave it almost for the release it gives which that in itself is'nt right
Morning all - hi to all the new posters! Jellibabe - thanks for that, I might have a reccie (spelling?) on Amazon later. I was thinking about reading the Alan Carr book on alcohol but have heard from quite a few people that there's a fair amount of guff in it! You know something - the way you're describing your non-drinking experience is very very appealing. It really does make me want to be in that place too. Well done for doing so well and brilliant that you're obviously feeling all the benefits (my skin looks at the moment!). Catch up with everyone later... Gerbra x
just a quick hello from me. heard baby's heartbeat yesterday <gulp>. It's just hit me that I'm having another baby . what am I doing?
namechangerereererereeee , hi and welcome. I think those things sound quite worrying, but will say that the fact that you think you have a problem, generally means that there is a problem. I've been a hider of bottles (although I used to put them straight into the outside bin as DH always takes the bottles to the bottle bank), and have bundled the DCs into the car at 9 o'clock to get to the offie before it shuts as well.
When I finally decided I was stopping, I just told a couple of really close friends and my DH. They were all very supportive. My DH finally knew the real extent of my drinking, but my friends just knew that I was drinking toomuch and not the specifics. This pregnancy has come at a good time for me drinkwise as it has forced me to stop (although I've had the occasional glass with a meal), but I know that my issues aren't gpoing to go away and will be there waiting for me after November.
You've come to the right place. This thread has been a lifeline for me and helped give me the courage to tackle my drinking head on. I hope it can help you too
and namechangerereeee, kokeshi posted some questions a few posts back which are always very helpul things to be asking oneself. I have printed a copy of them and look at them regularly. It's nice to see a change in the way I'm answering them now
Evening all - did I kill the thread earlier!? How is everyone? Mum was round for dinner tonight and we all had some wine. Mum's gone home, DP's gone to bed and I'm still up with a glass of wine...deja vu... Gerbra x
Well I am off to bed now and pleased to say that I have managed not to drink tonight. Fingers crossed I can break this habit this time once and for all. I honestly don't think it is going to be easy but in my favour there are no social events on the calendar which means others won't notice I am not drinking at the moment. DH knows I am trying to stop and he is really pleased because he has worried how much I drink every evening for years now.
Well done Habitual! How do you feel at the end of the evening? What's the longest you've been without drinking recently? I had one night off last week... Apologies for the questions, but don't think I know your history... Feel a bit crap after drinking, inevitably, for yet another night...! Gerbra
hey expat - how are you? So pleased things have turned out well - apart from the nausea and vomiting obviously... have been lurking tonight and craving company! Gerbra x
My drinking history is that I never used to drink until after my second child was born and we had a friend stay for 10mths and this friend used to buy boxes of wine and drink from the moment she got in until the moment she went to bed - she was even drinking in the mornings at the weekend. I fell into the habit of joining her for a drink in the evenings. After she left, I started drinking one or two drinks a night on my own. A 70cl bottle of whiskey used to last me a fortnight. Now I am drinking 2.5 ltrs of whiskey in a fortnight and that is also restraining myself.
I like to drink, meet with friends, have people round, so I don't want to give it up altogether, I want to be able to break the habit of drinking EVERY night and get back to just drinking on social occasions.
My sister though, has done what I have done and she is now almost teetotal, so I know it can be done. I just have to have the will power to do this.
I want to be back to the alert, energetic person I was, not the frantic coping day by day person.
Alcohol is definitely hard for me to give up. I have drunk every night for the past 10 years or more.
ARRRGGH! Habitual - just composed a long response and pc has wiped it!!! It did say how our situations are (I think) similar in that I never drank until a flatshare 6 years ago - when my flatmate started bringing wine back to the house. I'd never drunk at home previously and it all escalated from there... Drinking became a punctuation mark (I'm sad - I need a drink - I'm happy - let's have a drink...) If I'm being too cheeky, say so - I won't mind, but how much do you drink a night? I drink a bottle minimum Gerbra x
I drink whiskey and diet coke and have at least 3 very large doubles a night. On Friday and Saturday nights I squeeze in an extra one. My DH says they look more like trebles.
My usual tipple is wine - but have sometimes nicked whiskey from DP's bottle and then had to replace it - that's how I know whiskey and diet coke is rather nice! It's bloomin hard isn't it? Most of the time I don't like feeling pissed and out of control but something makes me go back to it...almost every night... Am so aware I have a problem - but perhaps still in denial that I can get it sorted myself...? gerbra x
I think we can only get it sorted when we personally feel there is a problem. All the time my DH was saying "you are drinking too much" that just put my back up. It's like most addictions - unless I admit there is a problem, the problem cannot be fixed or properly controlled. I find I can go one/two nights without and then I start drinking again. This time I am hoping to really have a long period without. God knows my liver must need a rest.
I'm off to bed now. Sleep well Gerbra and I will catch up with you tomorrow night.
You too Habitual... You're right though - it's fine for me to recognise there's a problem - but as soon as DP even ventures into that area - my hackles are up... Nights off the booze are good nights - well done for that! Sleep well, I'm going to feel a bt crap tomorrow no doubt... Gerbra xx
Morning all! I'm feeling pleased with myself. I made it through a whole evening without alcohol. I know that you will all understand. Let's hope I am on a roll. I lost 1lb too!
I dont know if anyone is around. I have finally decided today to ring AA and have the support of my partner to do so. I feel a mess. I dont even know what more to write
Hi Mogthedog, I'm on my way out but didn't want you to go unanswered. Well done for taking a brave step - sorry that you're feeling so bad at the moment. Hang around on the thread and you'll get lots of support. Gerbra
I have just got off the phone to them and I am going to a meeting a few miles away tonight. I thought it was best that I went tonight otherwise I will put it off and end up not going at all. I feel absolutely sick but I know if i do not do something now I am going to end up killing myself through this.
I also think the turning point for me at the moment is that I don't want to drink. My excuse before was always that I did but now I really really dont. Stupid thing is I am sitting here thinking, what will I do at the wedding etc But my children deserve better than this
Sorry about the last time i posted, I wasn't complaining I was being ignored, was just worried I kept others away coz I was boringly ranting about myself. And apologies I haven't been regular here of late, my head has just been all over the place, and I haven't felt that i had anything useful to add. Don't today really, but want to say hi and put myself back in there, iyswim.
Hi teasle, gerbrajess, habitual and mog the dog, and all the not so new ones. Hope you're all doing a bit better than me at the mo. Teasle, you speak a lot of sense, how long have you been without drinking? if you don't mind me asking? Anyone heard anything of Brassic lately, I've obviously not been around much, but I don't seem to have seen many posts from her...anyone know if she's okay?
MogtheDog, well done for calling AA. I am a member and have been for a number of years now. WHat I can tell you is that I've been where you've been (suicidal, physically done in) and it was probably the best move I've ever made.
I really think I'd be 6 feet under right now if it wasn't for all the help and support I received. The warmth and kindness when you are a newcomer is astonishing, especially if you're used to feeling nothing but guilt, shame and remorse.
How much are you drinking by the way? You may beed to see the GP for a medical detox, you don;t want to be at risk of complications of withdrawal symptoms. You'll need vitamin B and thiamine as well.
kokeshi, I have had periods where I havent drank at all and the withdrawal effects have been minor. I appear to be more mentally dependant on it than physically. That said, everytime I give up I go back to drink worse than ever.
What is thiamine? can you buy it without going to the gp? I am absolutely petrified if I go to the GP he will report me to social services
That seems to be a fear with a lot of people, but I don't think, in reality, it happens like that. Can anyone share experience of GPs attitudes to mothers admitting to having a drink problem? I think it's more likely they'll be encouraging you, not causing you problems to be honest.
Thiamine is Vitamin B1, you could probably get it from a health food shop yeah but please be careful about withdrawing suddenly, it can be very dangerous.
Don't feel silly about posting anything, you have to explore how you think about your drinking. Even if we have periods of abstinence, we usually find that once we start again there's a rapid reinstatement to previous levels of drinking, and the progression very quickly picks up again. We just don't have that element of control anymore, and it's the one thing that we're obsessed about achieving.
Hey Cubby, I constantly feel like I've got nothing useful to add - this would normally stop me from getting involved in any other situation but for some reason it doesn't on this thread! I'm not doing well on the abstaining front either
Mogthedog - hope you're feeling a bit better. All the best for the meeting tonight.
<Quick hijack - Kokeshi, I've tried messaging you on FB but the screen has frozen. This keeps happening when I use FB and Firefox together>
Hi Cubby, thanks for asking about me. I post occasionally but mostly lurk now. Good to see you joining in more again
MogTheDog. I've been totally honest with my GP and therapist at the Community Alcohol Team about my drinking. I asked the therapist last week if she would be contacting SS and she reassured me that she would only do that if I made no progress and she believed DS to be in danger. Even then, she'd have to have a 'very serious chat' with me about it beforehand and I'd know that they were going to be called in. I think this is standard with health professionals.
My DSis and my niece did end up with SS involvement, but their situation was a lot more serious than mine and involved numerous reports from serveral professionals as well as neighbours. Even then SS did their best to keep the family together.
Good for you for calling AA and for arranging a meeting tonight. I hope you hear lots that you can relate to tonight, but if not then try a different meeting. My first meeting was a good introduction, but quite male oriented and I didn't get a lot of identification at first. I'm really glad that I tried lots of different meetings though as they are all a bit different and attract different sorts of people. Good luck
Can someone explain to me what actually happens? Do I just go into the hall and know what to do? I feel that nervous I am talking myself out of it again. The lady at AA did say I could ring her back if I needed to ask questions but everytime I speak to someone from AA on the phone I start crying, infact I am worried I will cry tonight. I am worried people might not think I have a alcohol problem aswell, is this quite normal? Iam also worried about seeing someone I know even though the meeting is not where I live.
BM the lady said they recommend I go to at least 6 meetings but alot of what she said on the phone I could relate to
kokeshi I will get some vitamin b complex stuff tommorrow, thank you. I will also go to the GP if i think i need to too. It is actually a complete nightmare getting an appointment there anyway so they most probably wouldnt be able to see me until after the weekend
Oh, Kokeshi, I just wanted to respond to your question about GP's attitudes to mothers who drink. I had a crappy experience with the first GP that I told, but then a positive experience when I asked to see the female GP in the practice.
The first (male) GP asked lots of questions about DS and didn't seem satisfied or reassured by anything that ! said. I think I asked him if he was going to report me to SS and he avoided the question, which makes me really angry now as I'm pretty sure that a GP can't report you without telling you they are going to do so anyway. From further dealings with this GP I can see that he is in general a bit of a prick anyway, so he was probably just being his usual charmless self. The female GP was lovely though and I didn't feel judged or patronised like I did with the male GP.
I was at the CAT yesterday and EX-P came in with me. The therapist explained to him that alcoholism is largely misunderstood and that's where the stigma comes from. She was saying something about alcohlics having a faulty metabolism which is often genetic. That's why some people can drink heavily for all of their lives but not become physically addicted. I've not heard anything about metabolism before regarding dependant drinking. Do you know anything about this Kokeshi?
I dont know the woman from AA this morning said sometimes its chemical or genetic but I think she was just trying to make me feel better. She also said people/partners often dont fully understand that you can't help it. She said something what her dh used to say to her and it was what my partner says to me. Exactly the same
MTD, I had that fear of being disbelieved as well. I also cried on the phone to AA when I first gave in and gave them a call too.
Look out for the blue AA sign on the door of the meeting - most of them are in churches or centres with loads of different entrances so seeing that sign will let you know you're in the right place. Try and get there 5 or 10 minutes before it starts and there will usually be some friendly people milling about outside. Then you can walk in with others and just follow them. If there's no-one else there, just go inside, get a hot drink and a biscuit if you want and take a seat. You won't have to speak if you don't want to. Even if they ask for newcomers to introduce themselves it's perfectly ok to just stay quiet if you prefer - I still do now unless I'm with my DSis who always introduces herself and I then feel obliged to follow suit. If you can introduce yourself as a newcomer it's good though, because then everyone will know you are new and you'll probably get some numbers from some of the other women.
I know it's bloody terrifying, but it's ok once you're there. I suffer with anxiety and I found it so hard to do at first, but so worthwhile. I really hope you go
thanks brassic. I know this is a stupid question but do people say hello to you or do they all look at the ground? I am not sure i can introduice myself either as I also suffer with anxiety!
Oh, that's the kind of thing that I'd be worrying about too MTD. Anxiety makes life so hard, doesn't it?
I've never been to a meeting where no-one has said hello. When I'm particularly nervous I think I have a look about me that says 'talk to me and I'll burst into tears', but still people seem to take that risk at AA.
I find it helps not to think about where I'm going until I'm almost there as well. If I start fretting I'll find a reason not to go.
If you find tonight really difficult or just can't face it, don't give up. The helpline passed my details on to a female AAer in my area who met me outside meetings the first few times. You might find that easier next time.
HI mog- i go to AA too and all your fears are exactly the same as mine were, but all I can say it isn't as bad as you think- the people there all understand, it was their first meeting too remember at one point!
Nothing you say is stupid- its a massive step and I wish you all the best. Let us all know how you get on and well done, really, for tackling your drink problem.
Kokeshi, sorry realised I didn't ask about you in my posts, and always do normally. Just from what I've scanned when I've had the chance you haven't mentioned much about your c.i. Is that because you are settling in with it now? Has it become 'normal' yet? Sorry, don't know if it ever does, was just wondering how you were getting on with it.
Hi Guys. MTD, I hope you got on OK tonight. Brassic, great to see you posting again...same to you cubby!
I'm fine, just back from seeing a friend who saved a drunk woman from her burning flat. My friend - AA member - suffered bad smoke inhalation and her own flat is totally wrecked by smoke damage. The drunk woman would have been dead if my mate hadn't been there and awake, and battered her door down. Sobering thought.
I'm off to bed, I'm up early tomorrow. Will check in tomorrow. Good to see the thread active.
Hi all Have to say I feel really inspired when I read this thread (not that I get much chance).
Its been an horrendous week in the biz and am feeling particularly stressed now. I'm starting to go off my food and tummy is churning all the time now. I'm so worried about dp because he takes alot more flack than me and works long hours. ds is up bye
I feel really ashamed because you are all rooting for me and I couldnt even go in. I drove the 8 or 9 miles to get there and then drove past the place maybe 6 times It was just lots of men outside (I could only see one woman) I felt so sick and my stomach was turning over and I just couldnt do it. I feel such a coward. So I drove home, watched tv, drank lemonade and talked to my sober partner instead. I didnt drink though nor did I actually want to. I dont know where I go from here. The lady at AA mentioned there is a womens only meeting not far on a saturday I could go to or I have the option of going back to my therapist (which worked in the past) So I am sorry I have let you all down. I dont know what else to add. I hope its ok if I still join in here? I do feel quite alone as I dont know anyone in 'real' life who struggles with alcohol
Mog, I think you are incredibly brave and I admire you for even taking the step to ring AA. Don't worry about not going in. Take it all in small steps. You WILL go when you are ready. Maybe the woman only group would be more comfortable for you to go to to see how an AA meeting is. WELL DONE MOG!
Oh Mog, don't worry, I've done this too - and quite recently to be honest . It's quite intimidating going in by yourself so usually when you're a newcomer they'll assign you a 12 stepper which is someone (of the same sex) to take you to meetings and help you with what's going on. A wee safety net if you like.
PLease don't worry, you haven't failed at all. Well done for taking that initiative and riving all the way there by yourself though. Give the AA helpline a call and tell them what happened and ask if there would be anyone available (mention an AA member told you about 12th steppers if you like) and they'll get you sorted.
You poor thing. We're still rooting for you! If you were in my area of the country, I'd meet you myself.
Women's meetings are good but don't be bound by just them, you're 12th stepper will be able to sort you out with meetings that are right for you, and it does help to try loads of different types before you decide.
Carpe Diem Missus, call them back and rearrange. You'll be fine - and well done for not drinking!
Well done Habitual, how are you feeling today? Did you find it difficult at any particular points? What helped you to keep your resolve? YOur insights will no doubt help others on the thread too.
Hi Mog- I drove past meeting places around 5 or 6 times too- its a huge step and everyone remembers what it was like when we first went. It may be an idea to ring the helpline again? Up here, in the northeast, I was given contact numbers of women for different meetings, and a woman met me outside. I just sort of went up and started crying- but because they were expecting a newcomer, the women just kind of ushered me in and took care of me.
And you didn't fail, hey, you didn't drink, so thats not failure!
Thank you everyone, it has actually made me feel so much better to know I am not the only one to have done this. I think my partner found it quite amusing but was lovely as always. I think its best if I enquire about the womens only meeting to begin with as I am a bit man phobic anyway (oh to add to the long list) and I think it was just the amount of men that was so off putting! I feel empowered today for not drinking and I did the big family shop this morning with all my children in tow and didnt even go anywhere near the alcohol aisles. I have bought nice healthy soft drinks/juices so I have something to hold/drink.
Me and dp had a big chat last night. He was saying 'oh I dont think you are an alcoholic etc you dont drink enough/everynight etc'. I said to him, if it is taking over my life so much and I am constantly analysing it, cant drink without feeling guilty and all the other feelings I have - whether he thinks I am an alcoholic or not it would be better for me and us long term if I take it out of my life completely. He has agreed to give up drinking aswell in order to help me do this.
Now I must go and buy some b vitamins and entertain the children
Hi Mog. I find it very intimidating when there are lots of men standing outside meetings too. The helpline put me in touch with a 12th stepper in my area and I went to my first few meetings with her. I don't think I'd have had the bottle (literally ) to go in without her. You did well yesterday, to have called the helpline and made the journey alone. You stayed sober last night and told DP that you want alcohol out of your life. God, you haven't let anyone done, poor you.
The womens meetings are really gentle around here. I try to get to a really nice one on Friday evenings in Putney. They have low lighting and candles, and it's a small group for a London meeting, so much less intimidating for me.
If it didn't feel right to go in last night, then maybe it was a good thing that you didn't force yourself. I know the helpline suggest 6 meetings before deciding, but I think a lot of people scrap the idea after the first meeting if they find it really unbearable. I'm a bit of a man-phobic too, and I won't go to mixed meetings unless I'm meeting another woman there.
Try and have another go tomorrow at the womens meeting, and stop beating yourself up
Well I am sitting here drinking Grapefruit juice. My first Friday night in years without alcohol. I am coping but there is a "Friday" feeling lurking around.
I don't seem to be suffering any actual withdrawal symptons as long as I keep on drinking - I am drinking anything and everything as long as it is not alcohol. I have never drunk so much! I think by keeping myself hydrated, I won't get the urge or think I have the urge to drink alcohol. Does that make sense?
I have lost years by drinking. My work has suffered, my family life etc. I need to get really back on top of my life. I have a lot on my plate over the next few months, involving some legal stuff as well, and I need my wits about me. I think it is that that has finally given me the incentive to control my drinking.
I also have to find a way to raise about £8000 for the legal fees and I cannot do that whilst under the influence. So, Ebay here I come and overtime here I come.
Hi to MogtheDog and welcome to the thread. You've already seen what a lovely bunch they are on here, lots of support and they all helped me immensely in my early days of admitting I had a problem.
Well done Habitual . Now that you've done it the once, it does get easier, although saying that I've had a glass of wine tonight. I opened one of those diddy bottles with two glasses in; I haven't been compelled to finish it though, so will have the other one tomorrow night. to be honest, I don't even know why I bought it, or even opened it as I'm actually not all that fussy. Which is a good thing I suppose. Perhaps I should just pour the remaining glass away and not bother tomorrow.
sorry, I'm just emitting a stream of consciousness here
I'll try to keep up more; I miss you guys when I don't lurk or post
why do they always do this? But didn't care, was glad I got him some anti b's so he didn't have to have another night like that...it was so awful...felt so terrible that there was nothing I could do to console him. 
)...you'll get support on here from everyone!
at the moment!).
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