Take time out from your busy day with Good Earth – a range of organic premium teas which taste delicious and are blended to perfection to ensure you get a relaxing break. Flavours include Sweet Citrus White Tea, Cool Mint Herbal Tea, Jasmine Blossom Green Tea and Harvest Berries Red Tea. Click here for more information.
Mumsnet Discussions:
_Chat
: If you make a terribly awful painful comment in a social situation, should you apologise afterwards or not mention it?!?!?
(150 messages)
Please note that threads in this topic may be removed from the archive after 90 days. If you would like your thread to be retrievable for longer than that, please choose another topic in which to post it.
As someone said it's always when you're trying hardest not to mention something. My very worst moment...
My friends mother had died a couple of days previously from an asthma attack. Friend pops in to see me at work on the Saturday - me, trying desperately to think of something to say to take her mind off it "So what have you got your mum for Mothers Day then?"
20 years ago and still can't believe i said it. Nobody's laughing now, eh!
And there's more. On re-joining a company I had previously worked for to the bosses previously skinny son. "Hello, haven't you put on weight!"
And finally - my friend was in hospital having suffered a very early miscarriage. The consultant came in to do an internal and started putting on his latex gloves. Friend says " My! Haven't you got big fingers!"
9 bedded ward of male patients, all loving making fun of me, practical jokes etc. Patient x, who has one leg goes down in his wheelchair for cigarette and come back up, and all the nurses at the nurses station ribbing him for something or other. He says to me 'see mosschops they all pick on me' i reply 'see mr x how does it feel when the shoe is on the other foot'
cue hysterical laughter from Mr. X and nervous giggles from nurses who were all as mortified as me.
He was a lovely guy who got his own back by saying 'nurse Ive got something wrong with my leg its giving me pain' and when I bend down to look he'd say, 'not that one, the one over there' pointing at his prosthetic leg <cue laughter from 9 bedded men>
He bought me chocolates and a card when I left though
Dh is a teacher in an area where lots of children do an amusing walk known (then) as 'bopping' (they sort of bounce as they walk)
Dh (to Year 11 girl): Oh, for goodness sake, stop your stupid bopping and walk properly Yr 11 girl: I can't, I have polio cue much apologising (and bet she got As all year...)
Last week at fancy dress carnival I was looking out of the window as we all got ready, watching other floats assemlbling. Bloke walks by, long fake beard, flasher mac, gandalf staff, deerstalker hat, trousers tucked into ankle boots - mad looking in general. So I snorted to the woman volunteer next to me " Jesus, what's he come as? The man from The Land of No Reflective Surfaces? It was, of course, her beloved husband come to wish her luck. Not dressed up at all. And his beard was real.
To the OP, it's always worse to acknowledge it unless you're 100% it's upsetting her still. You know when someone slags off fat people (for example) then turns to you and says "no offence" - how awful is that? If they hadn't said "no offence" (surely the most stupid phrase ever anyway) then you would never believe that the comments related to you. But cos they did you're feeling the size of a house. Say nothing, I bet she's forgotten it if she ever noticed.
On holiday with my friend at her parents' villa. For some reason friend and I were giggling hysterically all afternoon on the terrace about fat people waddling to and from the pool.. I know, not nice. Anyway, I saw a large beer belly appeaing round the corner, collapsed in a fit of laughter and elbowed my friend: "Check the belly, check the belly!' (why did I say that? I never even speak like that!). Friend says: "Hi dad"... Friend's dad says: 'Hi monkey... I heard that". Amazingly, I was invited back .
Some friends, E and J, while on holiday were invited to a dinner party of the parents of a friend of theirs who lived near where they were staying.
One of the people there was a sex therapist. J found this woman rather intimidating, an older, very confident, very knowing kind of woman. He found himself getting quite nervous - began imagining that this woman could tell all sorts about him and his sexual habits just by looking at him.
After the first course he decided to go outside for a cigarette. With all this whirling around in his head he stood up and said 'just popping outside for a wank'.
It was E who told me the story, J hadn't even realised what he'd said, she was left with the stunned silence.
A friend of mine went to a lunch where she knew only the hostess. She was chatting away to the man sat next to her about renovating her house and said " we have nearly finished hacking off the disgusting mural behind the swimming pool - some people have such bad taste, it was so awful it was a joke". He said "X (the hostess) said you live in xxxxx road, is yours the house down the little alley"
My friend said she could feel it coming.
She whispered "Yes".
He then replied: "My wife is a fresco painter. She did that painting".
Slubber, you're brave, I would have been more afraid of labelling a friend fat and I would have put myself in the fat seat expecting the ride to collapse mid loop the loop.
ONCE, when my friend's mum had just died, I was describing a new restaurant to her. I actually used the phrase "thought I'd died and gone to heaven". I apologised and she said 'oh, it's ok' but I never normally use that phrase. It's like it was bubbling beneath the surface and had to burst out.
Filthy-minded vixen, prosthetics are a minefield (Oh God, did I just say that?):
I was on a teacher training course in 2006 and I also did Race for Life that year. When I was in training for it I was whinging about how much shin splints hurt to another woman on the course, who was a really keen long-distance runner and much, much fitter than me. She asked "So how's it going?" and I replied "Well, I'll be fine, as long as my leg doesn't fall off". She's an amputee.
Sluberdegullion - this one makes me wake up at 3am in a cold sweat.
About eight years ago I was on a night out with a relatively new boyfriend (no longer together, for some reason...) and we walked into a pub where everyone was sitting around looking miserable. I'm a bit pissed at this stage, and yell "Yikes - who died?". Guess the rest. I have never been able to go past that pub without wincing and have never been back in.
I just covered a class teaching a group of adults recovering from alcohol and drug addiction. I know their support worker slightly. Her: "So, how's the pregnancty going, then?" Me: "I feel great - it's amazing what 7 months with no booze can do!". I'm blaming pregnancy hormones for that one.
Talking about forgetting who you are talking to, I am a twin and people are always stopping me in the street/supermarket and chatting away, I havent a clue who I'm talking to and its made worse because by the time I have mentally tried to place them and gone through all the various ways i could know them, the conversatioin is five minutes old and I cant really say 'Oh its not me you know its my sister! ..Which is ok until little person beside me, ears a wigging says, 'Why are you pretnending to be aunty dodi? Quick exit, blushing scarlet.
Having dinner with gf when I said 'pardon' for some small misdemeanor, her crusty old father choose to embarass me in front of all the other guests by saying, loudly,''you dont say pardon, you say, what'' I was mortified but shot back , Well, I dont know who is the more ignorant, me for saying it, or you for mentioning it, which made me feel better .......worst moment for ages, I was in the Abbey paying off the mortgage, the sweet little blond 20something was beaming and gushing about how lovely to be getting the deeds sent and wishing it was her and how wonderful and so on for about 20 minutes. I couldnt bear it and tears started quietly rolling down my cheeks, she was obviously mystified, but I couldnt bring myself to tell her I was paying if off with the death benefit and my late husbands insurance. I practically ran from the office sobbing, so it works both ways. Life is full of these moments, great we can laugh about them, and they are funny!
My DSis went to a new church once and ended up making conversation with the organist afterwards. She managed to greet him with the phrase 'Oh, that's a lovely big organ you have!' . Wish I'd been there.
Dreadful unfunny speeches. Worse still was sitting next to a dessicated solicitor telling me all about the meaningful relationship he had with his cats (he loved the feeling of their little warm bodies next to him in bed).
Collect DH who was sitting on another table, and say loudly: "God that was awful. Weren't the speeches dreadful. I was sitting next to some filthy old pervert who had a thing about cats."
Turn around
Said filthy old pervert and the speechifier right behind me. Looking daggers.
Ok, awhile ago, a bunch of us women got together for a dinner party at a friends house. One of the other guests was a woman ("Sue") who I get along with quite well - she had been having a bad time as she and her husband had just split up...
Anyways, at the end of the evening we are all drunk, giving hugs and cheek kisses goodbye, some of us share a taxi home..
When the taxi gets to my house, it is just myself and Sue left. I practically pounce on her, giving her a hug and go to give her a kiss on the cheek, and of course I miss...
sigh...
I wonder if she thinks I have been waiting for her to be free so I can finally express those feelings I have been repressing all this time..?
I am still laughing out loud at "You forgot yer fat!" I don't know about stifled giggles in the shop. If I had been there I would have involuntarily guffawed.
Yes I put my foot in it all the time, but I am blessed with a memory that conveniently forgets all the awful things I have said.
Just to make Slubber and others shift a little uncomfortably in their seats though, I remember with perfect clarity the one time a friend of mine put her foot in it with me. We were both pregnant and discussing names for babies. I had already picked the name for my dd but was keeping it secret. Friend unknowingly picked my chosen name and lampooned it mercilessly. I did not tell her then that it was the name I had chosen, but I had to tell her eventually (when dd was born) and, even though I told her over the phone, her embarrassment was palpable. I have never forgotten and will probably never forgive.
I am glad I am sitting on my own as I have just made the most unlady-like snorting noise at some of these
And keep sniggering to myself at the "largest person here" quandrary.
Fortunately for me, most of my many faux pas are mercifully locked away in the inner recesses of my brain.
I do have a problem with suddenly going blank on names when introducing people to each other though. I also have trouble recognising people out of context. For example seeing a school teacher in the High Street. I will know I know her, but wouldn't be able to tell you who she was.
Worst one of these was bumping into someone in the supermarket. It was someone I knew quite well, but couldn't place her. Was in the middle of a nice chat when ds (3 at the time) piped up "who's that mummy?".
I gaily ignored him and continued chatting, but as he kept repeating the question at an increasingly higher volume, I could feel myself coming out in a cold sweat.
Eventually managed to shepherd him away, with the poor woman obviously thinking I was rather odd.
If I'd actually said "I'm sorry, I can't remember your name", it would have been far less embarrassing.
PMSL especially "It is me who is doomed for ever to see LARGEST PERSON SITS HERE signs when I shut my eyes." does it help if I chant BIG BOTTOM-little bottom_BIG BOTTOM-little bottom ?
Oh god - I'm cringing thinking about my past midemeanors.
To MIL (who lost a baby girl at 5 days old) - "I bet you're glad you only had boys aren't you" (when we were surrounded by a friend's screaming little girls in a cafe)
Whilst showing friends round my student house during a party - "This is Sam's room - she's locked it because she's totally anal" - obviously Sam was stood behind me.
Not mine, but whilst at dinner with friends, one said that their gran had had 8 children - another friend piped up with "She must have a fanny like a bucket" - cue appalled looks from all the other diners
There are so many more but it's making me feel slightly sick thinking about it!
When I worked in a store and was the first aider, a woman passed out. I sorted her out, sat her on a chair and then asked her sister when her baby was due(smock dresses of the 80's did not help). Her sister rolled up laughing, telling me that, 'she's not pregnant, she's just fat!!!!!' I wanted to die...her sister just said 'don't worry about it, everyone thinks the same'.
I was running a toddler group with an American friend. She had to speak to some charity commission woman on the phone. She mentioned that it was her daughter's birthday and they were off go-carting that afternoon for her birthday treat. The charity lady sounded perplexed and questioned her about it, saying 'what an unusual birthday activity'. Friend thought woman's reaction a little odd but thought nothing more of it.
Weeks later she got an email from charity lady. AT the end of the email it said 'I do hope you and your daughter enjoyed your goat herding'.
and another all-time favourite told to me by a friend who swears this is true. he was at a wedding, groom gets up to give his speech. he is relating how lovely his new bride is and how he realised on their first date that she was the one for him when she "started eating me under the table".
He meant, of course, that she had a healthy appetite to rival his, and he'd adapted the phrase "drinking someone under the table". he had NO idea of what he had said until he registered all the shocked and then helpless with laughter reactions going on around the room.
oh I am crying at all this. just what I needed after boring day.
remember going round to friends' new house. horrid colours on the walls. me: "so when are you going to decorate then? bet you can't wait to get rid of these colours!". yes, they had just painted them themselves ....
When I first met one of dps female friends we seemed to be getting on ok until I was randomly being mean about someone and said 'she's the sort of person who'd wear one of those awful scrunchies in her hair!'
Our eyes locked. Colour drained from my face. I tried to stare through her skull to see if it was a scrunchie holding up her pony tail. It was. A big velvet one.
Things became a bit frosty after that and I tried breezy conversation but it just faltered.
I'm sure she has completely forgotton, everlong. She is a water off ducks back type person , thank God. It is me who is doomed for ever to see LARGEST PERSON SITS HERE signs when I shut my eyes.
I have had to take my contact lenses out I cried with laughter so much at some of these.
I have too many to mention
Except for one which stands out. I was at a bike rally and totally pissed. I tripped over someone's leg and to my horror, in a supremely surreal moment, the leg flew accross the marquee in front of my eyes. I collapsed on the floor in horrified hysterics.
My husband and the man whose leg it was came and gently explained that it was, in fact a false leg, which he had taken off, which I had tripped over and kicked acrross the space.
All well and good. No harm done. A slightly embarrassing incident. Except, in my relief, I start gibbering ''oh thank fuck for that, I thought it was real. Please excuse me, I'm totally legless...''
MIL and FIL were visiting when ds1 was a few months old. I was putting ds1 to bed for a nap and was talking to him saying stuff like "Aren't you lucky, nana and grandad have come to see you." I should've stopped there but for some reason I babbled on "They never come to see daddy and me, just to see you" which isn't really true especially as they had been down a couple of months earlier to help redecorate the house ready for selling it, but i was trying to imply that to ds1 was special to them (not that he would've understood anyway).
Then i realised the baby monitor was switched on and MIL and FIL were sitting right next to the parent unit downstairs.
They are coming in a couple of weeks for a few days so when i put ds2 to bed i'm going to make sure i say something lovely about them while the monitor is on because...well.... they are lovely.
I have been trying to recall an incident where I was so duh....and I can't recall that incidence....I know how embaressed and mortified I was, I remember blushing and not knowing where to put myself but I can not recall this incidence as such...I think I may have put this incidence in a "memorybox" and locked it and threw away the key....
However, I do remember another one....talking to a woman I didn't know very well at all...she looked very pregnant (but in the neat kind of bump way, with slim arms and legs, etc....) ...me: oh when is your Baby due, can't be long now...?!?!? She: I am not pregnant.... ( honest she looked at least 7 month gone....sigh...)
However, this happened to me the other way round recently. Meeting one of my neighbours....she: Oh I hear congratulations are in order....( giving my belly a pet).... me: erm...nope, I am not pregnant...I have just put some weight on... she was morified and all apologetic....apparently her grandaughter had told her I was pg....(poor woman...felt sorry for her)....however, got less funny when I herd that someone else was spreading the rumours around school....
Could be a lot worse MP... you could have said on an internet forum that a well-known baby care guru straps babies onto rockets and fires them into.....
....
....
Oh.
Here's mine - I was chatting about dd's lazy eye to other mums at a party. "Well" I said breezily "If this is the worst problem dd has while she is growing up then we will have got off lightly won't we? At least she is generally OK burble burble blah blah waffle waffle on and on and on about how wonderfully healthy, bright and happy my dd is. One of dd's friends has severe SN's and her mum was sitting right next to me . Shoot me now. Ahem.
I am kind of heartened to read this thread. My worst one ever was sneering about Mohamed Fayed and his conspiracy theory "Oh yeah, like people don't die in car crashes ALL the TIME" to a man who had lost his wife and nearly his daughter in a car crash some years previously and had become a celibate Christian fundamentalist
But he got me back, oh yes, when his daughter left home and he took me aside to ask me if I thought it was morally all right for him to be having sex again
Lol! I've remembered one that I really can't forget!!!
When I took my Ds along to school for the first time...many years ago now as he's just started in year 6 this morning...anyway! I met up with a lady that I knew personally, albeit I was an ex client of hers. Her Dd was in the same reception class and I knew she wasn't Catholic, so! as I'd recently been reading about the odd x% of non Catholics that were accepted into said Catholic schools, I opened my mouth and out tumbled the words...'Oh! so you are one of the x% of non Catholics then'....ooooooh! My mouth wouldn't stop... I don't think she was impressed by my knowledge either.
here's one that DH did recently. My cousin came to stay with us at the beginning of summer. she and i are very close.
DH was ranting about how horrible his family was and telling her about his uncle who still lives with DH's gran and probablly never had a girlfriend and is a bit freaky.
my cousin is in her early 30s. still lives with her mom and has never had a boyfreind.
DOn't think DH realized what he said and i didn't bother metnionng it to him. silly man.
I've remembered a friend's one - we were found at his house and his DW had invited another friend who was very overweight. We didn't know her well and conversation was a bit stilted. But she liked cats, so we all talked about our cats for a bit. Then our friend embarked on a long "hilarious" rant about the corpulence of our cat "Ha ha, your cat is so fat, she really has eaten all the pies, she can hardly walk out of the door she has to roll!" etc. And on. And on. As we all tried to sink into the sofa. What possessed him I don't know. He only realised it might not have been very tactful once she had left, and we pointed it out...
one of my friends did something like this recently - she was talking to a colleague about another colleague who was about to have a baby and who was thinking of calling it Georgina if it was a girl. Friend said: "I can't stand the name Georgina, it's so awful and pretentious!"
later that night she was relating her convo to her fiance, who said "and you said this to Gina? Gina, as in short for GEORgina?"
INSTANT mortification. Next day, she took Gina aside and apologised profusely - but Gina had barely registered it!
(I'm guessing that she calls herself Gina because she doesn't like the long form herself much)
So - the moral of the story is that MOST of the time, you will feel worse than the person you are talking to - they might not even register it, but if they show any sort of negative reaction to what you have said, I would apologise immediately and then leave it.
one from twenty minutes ago . Buying DDs party bags in a local shop. Very loud and camp shop assistant says to DD "ooh II love parties can I come?"
DD chews hand and gets embaressed. I do the irritating talking for child thing and reply - equally loudly.... " of course you can come - its a fairy party !"
roomfull of shoppers stare at me in disbelief. To answer OP I legged it and will never ever set foot in there again.
my best friend and I had taken her dog for a fab walk one day, and as we got back to the car park (was in a country estate type park) we saw a load of dogs being rounded uop and put on leads by two women - one of whom was a little person
one of the dogs was a tiny, yappy wee thing, and rushed over to my mate's dog - a big lab - and started causing a bit of havoc, generally freaking bigger dog out as it ran through his legs etc
my friend, while trying to get things under control again, turned to the little person and said, laughing; 'God, it's always the little ones that cause the most trouble, isn't it? hahahaha!'
She said she felt me kind of crumple beside her as I sighed. I was just glad that it wasn't me that had said anything, for once...
I met with a group of women, most of which I didn't know. I was pg at the time and bless them several were being kind and interested asking questions as it was my first. When asked the inevitable boy or girl question I answered"oh I really don't mind as long as it isn't ginger". A deathly hush ensued and as I looked around us I realised thst the son of the friend who had invited me is of course....bright ginger. What makes it more ridiculous is said child was 3yrs old and I had known him from birth.
The worst thing I did recently was on the last few days of my old job, I was in the office with my boss at the end of my shift just having a chat and keeping half an eye on the store via the security cameras when he suddenly points out that one of our customers is too short too see over the counter to the menu board.
Not really looking I start making comments about short people and how glad I am that I'm not... assuming that it is a little girl, as I often use 'short people' to refer to kids in a slightly tongue in cheek way as I frequently meet young teenagers that are taller than me. He's looking at me a bit oddly and then says that he didn't know I had a problem with little people...
and I realise that the customer is in fact an adult and I am a twat.
I've said some real humdingers and never had the courage to admit it there and then but always try and bluster over it. Rubbish tactic but can't help it. No howlers recently but I did say to a friend who'd just come from the hairdresser "your hair looks lovely like that" to which she replied snippily "oh, so you thought it looked terrible before? well thanks for telling me!" and huffed off. I don't *think* I said anything out of turn but I was too bewildered to know for sure! Maybe some people are just easily offended! <hopeful>
The trouble with apologising is that it looks like you are saying "Because obviously YOU ARE THE SIZE OF AN ELEPHANT / A BARREN OLD WOMAN / ANCIENT / STUPID but I wasn't thinking of you with that particular comment" (or whatever tactless thing came out of your mouth) and that really just CONFIRMS things which can make it much much worse...
'I recall once at playgroup when I was ranting about some girl's baby vests I'd bought at Asda that said "When I grow up I want to be a hairdresser"'
I was once chatting to my mum about what my schoolfriends were doing at a level college and I said "quite a few just think 'oh I want to be a hairdresser' and I don't get it... blah blah blah"
my friend split up with her boyfriend a few months ago but is still very hurt. Ex's name is Charlie. last time I saw her we were with a pg friend talking about trying to choose baby names...I kept going on about the trouble we'd had coming up with boys' name compared to girls' names and how the only name I'd liked was Charlie but dh didn't like it... My recollection of the event is I kept saying CHARLIE CHARLIE CHARLIE whilst suddenly,much too late remembering that this name was Not To Be Mentioned in her presence so i was cringing internally but not sure whether to apologise or if that would make things worse or what meanwhile am sure I managed to say Charlie a few more times while she smiled politely and most likely imagined braining me with a wine bottle <sigh> am a tactless oaf
My one - seeing the consultant about a termination for our last pregnancy at 20 weeks, hideous time all round and, you would think, not a time for humour.
So I'd bumped into the consultant in Waitrose the week before (that's a whole separate story of shame) so when he said
'And if you've got any questions about the termination, the procedure, or the cremation etc, just give me a call here at the hospital'
At which point I said 'Or I could just stalk you in Waitrose, and jump out on you with questions, ha ha!'
No idea why I said that. He just looked scared. DP looked
I was trying to make arrangments for my wedding and my mum was making it hard work. I was ranting away about my mum to a work colleque for about 10 minutes before I remembered her mum had died of cancer 2 weeks earlier. THe worst part is that I knew this had happened, but I was so wrapped up in my own rant I temporarily forgot. I was mortified when I remembered and shut up immediately thinking I should be grateful that my mum was still around.
After my mum unexpectedly died, my brothers and I stopped at our local pub for a brandy on the way back from the hospital. We were sitting around the table in a state of shock and disbelief when an friend came over and told us to cheer up as were were putting him off his pint with our miserable faces. When we told him what had happened, he burst into tears with embarrassment. Poor bloke. This was nearly 25 years ago but he told me recently that he still goes cold when he thinks about it.
I've thought of another one - when i served in a corner shop there was a very large lady bought several things and walked away from the counter leaving her cooking oil behind. So i yell across the shop (in my best midlands accent):
"You've forgot yer fat"
Cue stifled giggles from other people in the shop and me looking like this .
Ooh ooh ooh can I join the club? This is why I love the internet. In my internet life I am tactful thoughtful and really good looking also. Alas not in RL.
Morningpaper - one thing I've learnt is that if you apologise, apologise only ONCE and BRIEFLY. Otherwise the apology is a subtle way shifting the focus away from them and their hurt feelings and on to you and your feelings of awkwardness.
Someone said in the thread that the people who are most concerned about NOT causing offence are the ones who do it most frequently. That's me. I'm so totally consumed with being nice and thoughtful that the part of my brain involved in serious rational thought goes into standby mode.
I spend far to many nights sitting bolt up right in bed agonising over my crashing faux pas.
Okay, this was somebody to me but even I can see that the man is probably now in therapy...
Several (thousand) years ago and WAAAAY before DS I used to be pretty slim with a tiny 21-22inch waist (wail!)BUT I was/am very pear shaped and had/have hips, thighs, bum behind which you could hide an elephant. Clothes were an issue.
We had a great drycleaners though that did alterations. Anyhoo once bought fab slik pencil skirt, fitted a treat round the old derriere but needed taking in - a lot - at the waist. Took it in with very clear instructions to hack down the waist but leave the rest untouched. Skirt came back. All beautifully tapered. No way to go past my knees. Returned. Explained my instructions again and demanded that they fix it.
Bloke: "Ah yes, well I did read the instructions but that would have just looked really wrong."
Me: but I was very specific that I did not want it tapered.
Bloke: "But that would have made it look a really weird shape - it would have made the line of the skirt look out of proportion and would have looked pretty awful to be honest".
Me: <glare that could bore through steel>
Bloke: (beginning to falter but unsure how to let go of shovel) "I just thought it would look much more natural with a bit of tapering...."
Me: "I'm sure it would, but that's how I'm shaped."
Bloke: "Um, well, <sobs>"
It's quite unusual to see a dark greek bloke go crimson.
LittlePeanut, yes the seat is designed for humiliation purposes only. It's only there because when the ride gets going the centrifugal forces squish the smaller person up against the larger one. It's important if say, Geoff Capes went on the ride with Poi from CBeebie..
So as I was thrust up against my lovely friend I thought 'oh I'll sideways apologise' and tried to say "I'm sorry for squashing you". However as I haven't been on a fairground ride for at least 10 years I became quite hysterical and all I could get out was
"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry" in a high pitched strangulated voice while laughing like a mad woman. At which point some spittle flew out of my mouth and hit her in the face (I think).
So in essence I called her fat and then spat in her face.
This thread has not been therapeutic. I am a horrible friend.
DH and I were visitingthe priest due to marry us. Priest apologised for being late as he was feeling unwell. DH made really funny joke about 'talking to god on the big white telephone'
My Dad and Grandad used to have theor own haulage company, one day my dad was out delivering, and met a guy that he hadnt seen in a few months. He asked about my Grandad in a jokey manner-
"Hows your Dad the miserable old bastard? Is he on the skive again - I havent seen him in months... does he ever do an honest days work"
My Dad "Actually he died 3 weeks ago after a long battle against lung cancer"
The bloke was mortified but to be honest my dad laughed because it was true and my Grandad would have laughed too.
i managed to insult dh's friedn about 6 times in the space of about half an hour once. i saidd something about how 'all bearded men wwere really unattractive' (hadnt even noticed he had a beard!), something unpleasant also about 'fat men' (guess who is slightly more cuddly than most??). oh.my. god. he even made a comment about it but was gracious enough to laugh about it but honestly it was so as everytime i apologogised for one faux pas i would straight away make another one
Oh God, I've just remembered one. At work we have customers on the phone and a lot of them are called David, including the guy I work with. One of them who calls up is known within my team as "cockney Dave" because he is a proper wide boy. I haven't been in the team long and having a frigging clue who any of these people are.
So my colleague and I went to a meeting and this guy was there - turns out I know him slightly from a course we'd been on together. Upon realising this I said "oh you're Cockney Dave!" looking back to my colleague for reassurance... Don't know which Dave was more embarrassed . I'm not allowed to forget that one.
None of these are as bad as gasping with horror and shouting 'OH NO THAT'S AWFUL CHANGE YOUR MIND' when your friend tells you they are planning to marry.
When I was a student I had a weekend job working as a 'hostess' for a premier league football club. Basically just serving drinks in the private corporate boxes. One day the home team scored a hilarious own goal, I fell about laughing and said to the man I was serving "they are really useless aren't they"........he was their manager!!!
Loving this thread. I'm the same, and like any prolific foot in mouther have pushed the worst offenders to the back of my mind, where from they occasionally jump and still cause me to blush.
A mild one was to my SIL on seeing her engagement ring. 'Ah, it's a lovely little thing', then on her eternity ring, yes you've guessed it, 'Ah, its a lovely little thing'. She is a lovely little thing and it suits her perfectly but it sounds like I think she has a couple of poxy rings. Thank God my own is full of 'lovely little' diamonds too .
I was doing the clever introductions bit once and introduced one of my best friends as 'This is X and he takes it up the a$$' , it is still brought up by everyone who was in hearing distance.
I can always be counted on for a faux pas or two....
just remembered one someone I know did...she went to meet her friend's dh-to-be at their new house - he was a vicar. Friend was bizarrely nervous about meting him and for some reason totally arsed it up...couldn't stop swearing and unaccountably talked about how much her own dh loved bj's
everyone was apparently standing there looking like while friend wittered on non-stop about the biggest load of filth - she said afterwards she was saying swearwords she'd NEVER said before, but she just couldn't stop
funniest thing was, it was so unlike her, she's a very sweet and gentle sort, the kind of friend your mother would love!
I can't share most of mine they are too bad One of them - guy I used to work with, spoke on the phone, emailed loads, he interviewed me, sitting down (yes you know where this is going) I had it in my head that I'd met him, even though I hadn't, apart from the interview where TBH he could have been the queen for all I'd remember. First time I met him, he was in a wheelchair. "How are you?" he asks "Fine thanks, how about you?". Expecting him to say he'd broken his leg playing football or something. Needless to say he didn't. I blushed and chickened out, emailing him afterwards to explain. I don't know why it was such a big deal, I think it was just that I thought I'd met him and I obviously hadn't!
I once said the c word in a front of a couple who were so shocked they visibly blanched. I don't know what made me say it-I never ever use it and for once was completely sober as well.It was as if I had tourettes.
They asked me why I was no longer working with dh (their boss) and i said "because he's a cu*t" still makes me shudder. btw I made a quick exit and have avoided since
Porto ...thing said person would have gotten a smack in da mouth of me...not a violent person...but ws born with a cleft lip and palate...
most of the tales I found rather funny, tbh....
I am good at the foot in mouth thing....my worst one was so cringeworthy and I felt like such a heel... A Nan always came to Parent/Carer- Baby/Tot group with her severely disabled gd. She borrowed a Babychair for the little one. She didn't come for a fair while and one day she did come again. She put the chair down next to me...and I was oh...where is little [insert little girls name here, please}...haven't seen you in a while....turned out her gd had died that morning, and she just couldn't bear looking at the chair without the little girl in it.... I was mortified and just apologized and hugged her and cried with her...luckily she was o.k. about it....poor woman kept reassuring me, that I wasn't to know...but me and my big mouth....argh....
LOL! I've just remembered a good one(at the time). Went round to exh's friends(whom I'd only met once)and they were showing us round their(lovely)house. In their lounge they had a fake brick fire place - as do I, but mines bigger than theirs. I proceeded to say...'Oooh! you've got one of those too! Aren't they horrible'. Then, trying to wriggle out of it and it just got worse and worse and worse! I still have mine...hate it, hate it, hate it!!!
I had a work colleague once that when she started working with us was straight...after a few years she decided(or was perhaps persuaded)she was in fact into girls. A new person started working with us(female)and I said to new person whilst introducing them to one another...'This is abc, when she started here she was straight, but now she's gay'. Ground, please, please swallow me up... I've had many, but I burn them from my memory.
i remembered another which happened only a few days ago i was walking alongside a disabled colleague of mine (she is in a wheelchair) and talking to another colleague who was talking about how she burnt her arm (on the iron btw) and i said something about burns feeling like the blisters on your feet after a night out <cue uncomfortable cough from disabled colleague> and i trundle on with 'iv got the biggest blister on my foot and it really hurts when i walk...i wish i had put different shoes on as my boots are rubbing...il have to sit down soon ...bloody feet <cue semi-hearty chuckle from me trailing off when i saw my colleague with the burned arm's face> i just blushed a deep shade of scarlet muttered sorry and shuffled off to a corner to burn in insensitive shame my colleague was quite ok with it as she hears insensitive comments like this alot but i still feel like a total bitch as she didnt need to add me to her list i need a shoehorn for my mouth most days xx ei xx
Take time out from your busy day with Good Earth – a range of organic premium teas which taste delicious and are blended to perfection to ensure you get a relaxing break. Flavours include Sweet Citrus White Tea, Cool Mint Herbal Tea, Jasmine Blossom Green Tea and Harvest Berries Red Tea. Click here for more information.
