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AMAM ds is 8 and still cant get the loo paper sequences yet. Much sympathy!! (He hasnt reliably got handwashing either - all those steps and he really doesnt like the pictures over the basin to prompt him!!)
Talking of rewards, has anyone seen/used these? I've been using them for quite a few months now, they're so quick to use and they really make a difference to J. The only problem is you don't have a lot of space for what they're for, but I've become quite adept at being concise!
Yes agree Magso that "first shopping, then ice cream" works well and the more you repeat the phrasing the more they get it. Shoes on and off is still something I have to shout at him to do every single time, which gets very wearing, and sometimes my DH looks at me in confusion when I shout "this time you deal with the shoes" as he can't see what the big deal is - I suppose you think of it just as a small thing, unless you have fought over it, shouted over it, screamed over it and hurried over it about 3 times a day every day for 2 years! The thing that is so different for me than for my pals with nf 5 year old kids, is that EVERYTHING has to be taught, painstakingly, patiently, step-by-step - example: I am trying to teach my autistic DS to wipe himself after the loo. It's fine if I give him the paper ready scrunched up, but now I need to teach him to take the paper off the roll, scrunch it up, then wipe till it comes clean. I hadn't even realised that to pull loo paper off a roll, you need to hold the roll with one hand and pull with the other - then scrunch it up. With NF kids, this is all very easy to teach - by demonstrating and then by explaining it in words. With my autistic son, who is very speech delayed and doesn't naturally imitate, even this one tiny thing will probably take 6 months to even get close to! No wonder we are all tired!
It is exhausting! Second comments above. Life needs to be structured and predictable for the asd side but the childs impulsiveness on-the-go-side keeps everyone on their toes so it never quite is predictable! Staying cool under extreme duress is essential (I cannot manage this at all times yet!) My ds likes to feel in control so he responds well to little choices (I offer 2 fixed choices) this works well for little chores he would otherwise refuse it also works with food (carrots circles or sticks if veg likely to be refused). I use first-then statements a lot to get past the awkward chores ie -teeth first then story, dinner first then pudding. He needs warnings of change, (go home in 10/5/3/2/1 minutes) so I use countdowns or timers. We have lots of little rewards (stickers), and I try to notice ( and comment on) all good behaviour but especially the things we/he is working on. I try to avoid aurguments and back chat by simply restating my demand and the consequence for non compliance (ie he can choose to do what I ask or choose the consiquence) The consequence may be in addition to doing the chore later or instead of I always state. ( For instance if he does not switch the tv off when asked, I will, and then they'll be no tv watching after tea and that means missing scoobydoo!. Ds also likes a challenge so we use a clock for dressing (it is still a hard chore for him but in the early days he did the easy bits and I assisted the harder bits)- now its the adverts as he is allowed to watch tv once dressed and waiting for the school bus. He still needs help with shoes and socks! It's so wearying - I used to find getting ds dressed for school really traumatic - even when he woke at 5am and we had hours to achieve it!!
I agree with Karenthirl - you are the adult, she is the child and that's why things are done your way not hers! Actually, it's not just my ASD child I use that strategy with but my (very wilful) NF DD! I agree it is hard when you are tired, and you just can't summon up the energy to have an argument, but must admit that this is when I shout at them and (whispered confession) even swear or lock them in the room for 5 mins while I calm down. We are only human and this stuff is hard!
Been seeing a Clin Pscyh, agree with Tclanger re constant cues and reminders. Also reward system operated at school. My failing is that the hardest thing is consistency, when you are so knackered you can hardly function.....
I am finding the parent line plus strategies ueful these are repetition of I cues. 'I need you to stop at the road 'I want you to stop now and have dinner' When M has a meltdown I use empathetic phrases until he can self calm 'I understand that you are very cross/sad' 'You must be feeling frustrated/bored' I only move back on to the I cues, once he is back in the land of the living, IYKWIM.
When I took the course I thought, there was no way that these will work, but have been really surprised that they do seem to!
My most successful strategy is being more stubborn and determined than ds is. If we're doing it, we're doing it and we do it my way. Don't get me wrong, I've learned over the years to accommodate his need for structure and I've learned how pedantic he is and where he'll find loopholes, so I close them before he can find them - in other words, I pre-empt the problems and find solutions before they arise. He's 9 now so most of the time it's second-nature to me now, but it was damned hard in the early days when he fought back constantly.
All the strategies I use are linked together - everything I teach him is linked to a social story and a reward system to motivate him. Often we'll have several motivators running at once, and it gets complicated, but it works. You have to pull back to what your child is comfortable with then build out, begin to challenge them but always with that comfort zone to retreat back to when things get difficult.
Don't give up. It's hard to stay consistent when it seems you're not seeing any progress but underneath all the arguing you WILL be getting somewhere. There are no quick fixes - some of the work I've done with ds took months to even begin to take effect (eg Anger Management - three months of constant discussion, charts etc before he even recognised himself as angry), but if you want to make it work you'll have to work very, very hard to get results.
Dd just hates being told what to do/boundaries etc. Even when we use timetables she always wants to follow her agenda and it's getting me down. Any tips that have worked??? tia x
