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DH was originally very against DS being assessed for ASD, I thought he had come round but now on the eve of the appointment we have had a row which proves he hasn't. He says I'm being, lazy, looking for an easy way out etc.I'm devaststed as I really thought he was beginning to face up to DS's difficulties. I was nervous about the appointment, now I'm dreading it.
I'll be thinking about you tomorrow. Is DH coming with you? If so, he'll see the truth of the situation for himself. It really caused my DH pain - but he had to begin to accept that DS' problems were real - now he is DS' biggest advocate! Good luck, and do let us know how it goes. xx
It is usually mums who try to sort out support for their children, and its a sad fact that support is really only available to children who have diagnosis. We all have trouble with not wanting to label our children - but IMHE Fathers seem to have particular trouble accepting the need for labels. It might be in part because they don't always get so much time to accept the need for a diagnosis. I am sorry your DH has said such unfair things - you are doing what you think is best for your child. Good luck for tommorrow.
My ex was also very cynical before both the ADHD dx (which I was actively looking for due to the major problems with violence, hyperactivity in nursery) and after the autism dx (which was a shock to everyone).
It helped when I just gave him a printout of official criteria - the DSM-IV - to look at, as he was then able to look objectively and measure our son's behaviour against the criteria...the conclusion was obvious.
Hope it goes well tomorrow, my dh still refuses to come to appointments and says he would find it too depressing. He keeps on saying he didn't sign up for the problems with my boys. I think it is harder for him to get his head around. Seems from what everyone else is saying it is common. Good friends help while he gets his head around it.
Good luck for your appointment. My dh took years to realise the extent of ds' problems and couldn't accept his dx. Even now he gets impatient with him but on the whole he's very supportive. It's hard, but try to give dh time and explain it to him. He'll come round.
DH and I arrived, still not speaking but managed to squeeze my hand before we went in. The psych was a bloke (which would have prevented dh making his usual rant about the feminization of education and boys not being allowed to be boys) and Scottish, like DH (so no Middle-England rants possible). We had a 3 hr structured interview, DH and I agreed with nearly all the responses.They will observe Ds at school and in their clinic before seeing DH and I again. I feel shattered. DH and I made up briefly after the appt but have now fallen out agin over a flat tyre. Don't know what I want the outcome to be. I know DS has problems, I think he has ASD but would really just like him to be happy.
If you BOTH agreed with the responses, surely the interview will reassure him that you're not 'being lazy'/ 'looking for the easy way out', as he was part of the diagnosis process.
Fathers find it much harder to accept, they don't spend as much time with young children so often don't see how significant developmental differences are and may well have family re assuring them that 'all children are different' and 'mothers read the internet and worry too much' etc . My DH didn't want to believe it either but he is brilliant now - well he was always very good but just couldn't believe it was ASD- We are both Scottish but no one has suggested that yet as a reason for his behaviour - or maybe he is a typical dour 'thrawn' * little creature. DS is very mean, I don't think he understands money but always chooses the value or basics item when i ask him to choose from the shelf.
"Thrawn" I'll have to remember that one DH sometimes rants about middle-england saying DS would do better in the scottish education system. He told me tonight not to take him too seriously and that he was just getting things of his chest. He seems to have confidence in the CAMHS pysch and is willing to listen to his opinion so we'll see how it goes.
