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Mumsnet Discussions:
Conception
: Would love to know how long you have all been ttc and how your coping
(30 messages)
Hi I know these sort of threads have all been done before but I would love to know how long some of you have been ttc, and how your coping with the disappontment of it not happening yet.
18 months to get ds(4). Two years on and off now TTC for #2. Think I am pg every month and seem to get symptoms, so wonder if I am conceiving and it's not sticking, or if I am just conning my body into feeling pg in a "phantom pg" kind of way.
Hi garnettopaz Thats how long I have now been ttc 9 months. I am getting desperate now and I cannot face another BFN ever. I have resorted to not doing anymore tests until my body screams it out to me. I have actually sat on the floor crying at a bfn turning the stick this way and that wishing for the slightest bit of a line.
Its horrible isn't it NoNickname. I imagine symptoms and tell myself to not get my hopes up as I have had similar symptoms before and have never been pregnant.
know exactly what you mean crazedupmon - remember crying my eyes out on holiday in italy when i got my period again!!! despite having all sorts of "symptoms" that i might be pregnant - stick it out - tbh 9 months isn't very long from a medical point of view especially when you consider what the likelihood for pregnancy is every month assuming everything is normal - can't remember the exact percentage but quite low - just try to relax - it took 6 months for ds1 and 9 months for ds2 - and second time round i'd sort of given up it would happen and had given an ultimatum that if it didnt' happen in three months time would give up = when i actually gave up trying it just happened - hope it happens soon for you
I have been trying since October for my first (possibly my only, given I am now 38) and I am quietly freaking out.
I was on the mini-pill for about 8 months before I started trying and before that didn't take the pill for about 2 years. Before that I was on the pill for about 9 years.
If I knew years ago what I know now about all the things you can do to help conception I would have started doing it a long time ago but I didn't want kids back then. I am taking all sorts of vitamins including Vitamin B complex and vitamin E.
My first month trying I thought I was pregnant and got all stupidly excited and then felt like a fool for being so stupid. Since then I have tried to be relaxed but I am attempting to chart my temperatures, I use OPKs and a Fertility monitor. The mid point of my cycle is always an exciting time but I have been disappointed every month. I have a short Cycle (24 days) and I think a short luteal phase. Have been for blood tests at the doctors and am happy with all my results apart from the '21 day test' which they did at the wrong time. I am going to go back to the doctor and see what else I can do or what other tests me and my OH can have.
I try not to get my hopes up every month but when my very regular period is late I do start to imagine all sorts of symptoms. Have only had one month where I tested obssesively but that was because my cycle went from 24 days to over 30 and I really got my hopes up.
Hi crazedupmom, beaniesteve, garnettopaz and Nonickname. I understand all of you very well, as I have been ttc for about 14 months now, with no success. Also get stupidly excited every month before AF, and then bitter disapppointment and tears when AF arrives. For a while now, good friends have been advising me to 'relax' and maybe forget about ttc, as they said that that is when it happens! Easier said that done, though, isnt it? I have quite a short cycle- 25 days- have been for blood tests, all came back normal, DP has been tested, that was also normal. My GP has now referred me on to a gynacologist, but I am still waiting for an appointment letter in the post, and its been 2 months since she referred me! I am going to try and really not think about ttc for a while- need a break from it- it is actually emotionally very draining, dont you find??
its annoying isn,t it beaniesteve when your cycle is late. Mine has done that a few times causing me to spend loads on tests. I am 37 going on 38 I am ttc my 2nd and I really wish I had of tried sooner.
Everground - yes, it's really draining. Got to the point recently where I thought about giving up. I wish I had more time. Isn't it frustrating when you seem to be doing all the right things and nothing happens.
Crazedupmom - I so get that age thing. I see all these older mum.having children, and my doctor assures me I'm not that old but still notthing happens. I know 7 - 8 months isn't that long but it's still worrying.
No Nickname- your message has encouraged me- you say it took 18 months ttc your first? And had you started to get worried at that point, or had any tests done, or did you just carry on trying for 18 months and eventually it happened naturally?
Cycle Day 11- but I have no chance this month, as I've just been for a colposcopy after having an abnormal smear- and been advised to abstain from sex for at least 5 days, as they took a biopsy, and needs to heal! great!
I'm not TTC but I understand the frustration at doing everything right and nothing happening, especially as the months and years tick by. I waited a year before conceiving...twins! Sadly, one of them died during labour but I will always remember that feeling of 'waiting for a bus and then two come along at once!'
It seems that we have control of so much in our lives, except fertility, doesn't it?
Hi Bubble99- so sorry to hear your very sad story. Thank you for sharing it with us- and yes, you are so right about not having control over fertility and how frustrating it is! What advice would you give us to cope better with the constant cycle of waiting and disappointment?
I was a slave to OPKs and CM (cervical mucus). DH caught me checking the position of my cervix (low and soft before ov) many times!
I'm now 41 (42 in July) and have 4 (count 'em!) DCs. But still I am aware of when I am very fertile. Some months I know that if I were TTC it wouldn't happen but last month I knew that if I were there would be a good chance. Lots of CM is, IMO a good sign. I also took Vit Bs and got a 'fertility stone' from a 'pyschic fair' the month before I conceived twins.
Everground, I mean about you not being able to try this month.
Bubble99 sorry to hear your story Good luck McDreamy and everyone.
My mum had three pregnancies apparently with no problems, mind you she was young! I'm kind of hoping I follow in her mum's footsteps! she had my mum aged 43!
evergrounded - we had been trying without luck for about 17 months, and then we went to the GP. Dh had a sperm test (no probs), and we were going to go forward and do whatever tests I needed when I found out I was pg. The GP actually told us that it was quite common for that to happen, and he put it down to the stress lifting because you are finally doing something else about your fertility and this seems to take away the actual stress of TTC.
I have to say I put my pg down to two things:
- drinking grapefruit juice to give more EWCM (I don't see that mentioned much these days, but it was a big thing 5 years ago on all the (shhh) Babycentre boards)
- I did a fertility spell. I'm not a believer really in things spiritual, but I do believe that at the time I gave it enough credence for it to make me feel positive. Will dig it out and post it for everyone.
This spell requires a green candle (an additional blue candle for healing is recommended is there is a medical condition involved), a small square of green cloth and a tie, a small amount of rich soil, and a nut or seed. You'll also need a candleholder and some matches.
This spell should be performed in the bedroom if possible. Using your projective hand (the one you write with) hold the green candle and charge it with fertile energy. Imagine a healthy pregnancy, a beautiful baby. See it as if it already happened. (If you use the blue candle, repeat the procedure, this time seeing your problems healed). Place the candle(s) on a table and light them, feeling the fire energize the spell. Then take the soil, charging it with the fertility of the earth, of growth. Sprinkle it around the candle(s). Then let the candle(s) burn down on their own (Never leave a candle burning unattended). When the candles burn down, take the soil and place it in the green cloth. Then take the seed or nut and "plant" it in the soil. Tie up the cloth tightly and carry it with you. Also, place it in your bed when you do YOUR planting! If you get a pretty cloth (like a small green scarf)and tie it with a pretty green ribbon you can hang it in your bedroom and it just looks like one of those pot pourri things.
Hi all, DH and I have been trying for nearly 2 1/2 years now for no1 (on cycle 30 if it helps to think of it like that). It is really hard and there are times when you really think you can't cope with any more disappointment, but hang in there. FWIW I found 9-12 months the hardest bit as you get to thinking "If I'd got pg first time I'd have a baby by now" but once you go past the 1 yr mark you can start looking at investigations for a reason for not conceiving. There are a lot of ups and downs in ttc and the stage you're at is (well it was for me) the hardest. Best of luck, hang in there it does get easier I promise
We've been trying for three years, and in that time had four miscarriages. The last one was in March 07, so since then we've been TTC for 13 months. To say it's been a rollercoaster would be an understatement of some magnitude. We're now looking into adoption, but I can't let go of the thought that surely one day we'll get lucky. My mind's got to the stage when I just can't keep thinking about it. I've done all the tests, taken all the supplements, done it at the right time, at the wrong time, etc etc, though haven't changed my lifestyle too drastically. We have to carry on living, after all. And when I did get pregnant each time, I wasn't doing anything special.
So, my advice... Do enough so you feel you've given yourself a good chance, but don't let it take over your life. A lot of it is down to luck, sadly. We can't control all that much about our lives or our bodies, and accepting that in some ways makes it easier...
I am actually really down in the dumps worrying about it and I know that's not good because I need to be relaxed but I have my period and I think it's making me more maudlin than usual. Actually I've not felt like this for a couple of months and I thought I had pulled myself together but I worry because I am a bit older than my boyfriend and I know he wants kid and it scares me that I might not be able to have them. I have just attempted to make an appointment with my doctor but they have one of those systems where you have to call on the day so I am going to have to try on Tuesday.
I don't want to see the other doctor as she gave me some really rediculous (And untrue) information when I was late with my period a couple of months ago and I have no faith in her at all.
but I will always remember that feeling of 'waiting for a bus and then two come along at once!'
