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I have a long old way to go yet, but am thinking about hiring a doula this time for a few reasons.
My last labour was 2 hours long, I don't drive, the hospital is more than a taxi ride away, I have very little support in the way of child care for my two boys, DH will be working anything up to 4 hours away, I really don't want a homebirth, no mater how romantic the idea seems, and the last two births have been induced so probably wouldn't get a home birth anyway.
OK questions about Doula's:
Firstly, without sounding ungrateful, but if I hired a Doula, but then ended up being induced so DH would be around, the kids would be sorted etc. so basically I wouldn't need the support from a Doula, can I cancel her services at the last minute? (Oh god, that sound's much worse than how I intend it!)
Secondly, If for example, my labour started as quickly as it did last time, (waters broke, contractions started immediately) so I call the Doula, she get's here 10 minutes later (have checked and there is a Doula within 3 miles of me) but then DH makes it home within an hour (and in time) can I then ask the Doula to forget me and sort the kids out?
And thirdly, (partially unrelated to the Doula) if I go into labour at home with both my boys here, Doula and DH both can't make it in time, WTF do I do?
Arghhhhhhhhh I only have another 34 weeks to fret about this......
Because the whole point of me hiring a Doula is so that I am not alone if DH can't get back, but if I am induced (i.e. have a 'pre-booked' date) DH would be here IYSWIM?
If you were a doula, and you'd set aside the best part of a month, paying a retainer for emergency childcare, not going on holiday or even too far away etc. would you be happy if the lady you did it for said 'er, not thanks Ive changed my mind and I'll not be paying either'!?
If you hired a Doula, booked, and signed her contract, then decided at the last minute she wasn't needed, then you would probably be required to pay the full fee. This takes into account the fact that the doula has probably done antenatal visits and turned away work, to be on call for you. This is how i run my business, also if it is within the on call time, ie within 2 weeks of your due date, same would apply.
If you cancel before the on call period, and before any antenatal, then i charge a £50 fee, the remainder of your deposit would be ruturned.
If you wanted the doula to sort out the kids at the last minute as dh was there and you were happy, she would probably be ok with this, however, it's always a good idea to make childcare arrangements as you never know how you will be/feel even if dh is there.
Oh, - well it'd probably be okay then, - but if you're paying why not use her. They're full of tricks you know, and if nothing else can buy you time if any difficult decisions need to be made!
I think the childcare/other duties thing is something that you'd need to discuss with the individual. I think most offer postnatal care where they help to look after other children so it is within their skillset iyswim!
incidentally, I am ttc no. 6, and am hiring a doula myself when the time comes.
If you don't think you require the support of a doula, why not just ask a trusted friend to be on stand by for the big day in case dh can't make it. You don't sound like you need a doula tbh, just a back up plan.
We don't have any close enough friends as in both emotionally and distance to step in.
If DH is there then I will be fine, if I am alone it will not be fine, if a Doula is there, I will be better than not fine, but not quite as fine as if DH is there, and if DH and the Doula are there, I will go mad. I am deffo one of those women that if I could actually speak towards the end I'd be telling the MW's to F off and mean it! My ideal birth would happen with just me and DH there, with someone who knows what they are doing hanging around outside just in case!
I know I must sound like a nut job, but it is just the way I feel about it.
You are right, I don't need a Doula, just a back up plan, but since we have very little options in the back up plan stakes, a Doula is the back up plan!
I hope you all understand it is not as selfish as that sound's, [eek]
He works anything up to 4 hours drive away, sometimes he is only down the road, sometimes the other side of the country, and sod's law would have it that if my body ever did go into spontanious labour it would be on the day he is the other side of the country.
I thought about a trainee but came to the same conclusion, it possible wouldn't be what she needs.
My only other option is to possibly get my mum to come and stay, thing is she foster's so she isn't always available to just drop everything. (And not sure how DH would feel about 'the MIL' staying for god knows how long! - not sure how I'd feel about it either TBH!)
All depends on the doula tbh, I am looking to do my training in november and whilst I was training (or if no-one else was due the same time as you) then I'd be happy to do it, including sorting the kids out if need be.
VS - I'm looking at maybe starting training in January. We could be trainee doula buddies
NJ - I would be happy, as a trainee, to get the experience of just being there, it's well worth asking a trainee if this is the sort of thing that she would be interested in doing.
I think that if you are up-front at the beginning, and get all your questions answered by the doula, then you're laughing, because you've got all your bases covered then.
(It's only a random "U", it doesn't matter ) Whereabouts in the country are you - there's no point in any random mumsnetters volunteering to come and hold you hand if you're in Aberdeen and they're in Dover...
(And Squonk, don't put your U down, it means everything to your name, the Q wouldn't work with out it, the sound of the word would be completely different, you must learn to respect and bow down to your U young lady)
all was fine thanks, NJ, mum was not too bad and she has been at my sister's for a few days and mum & dad coming to mine on sunday. thanks for asking x
Oh I am glad she is geting lot's of support, what about you though? Are you getting the support you should be as well? It is all too easy to forget ourselves in this sort of situation.
Well I'm very tired. Can't even do the simplest things. MN hurts my eyes (but I'm too addicted). The DC are far too much work (and they're ignoring me and actually being rather good).
I've just made tea and I want to curl into a ball and sleep forever! Sigh....... I hate feeling like this. It's not me at all!
I was tired from all the all-night dancing that I did and the fact that I couldn't get comfortable on the plane. My bf thinks that I was also rather dehydrated. The current tiredness is from my whack on the head but I'll get over it. [yawn]
Marsy Cannot remember the last time we danced the night away! Though if dancing all night ends in a fainting spell and stitches, I might just give it a miss!
Are you looking after yourself now, with rest, food and drink (of the non-alcohol kind)?
Can I ask some questions about doulas too, since they are hanging out on this thread?
My first pregnancy and labour were fine, but am now expecting my second, and have gestational diabetes. After reading lots of stories, am now increasingly worried about what might happen at the birth (induced early, hooked up to monitors/drips constantly, baby's blood glucose being tested too early, hospital trying to give formula etc), and am wondering if it would be worth hiring a doula just to help dh in standing up to the hospital people if necessary. Is this sort of thing something that doulas are generally experienced in? Would I need to teach them about GD, or would they be likely to know lots already?
Also, would I have to have a doula from my immediate geographical area, or are doulas generally prepared to travel a bit?
Personally, i travel about an hour but am flexible as this is such a personal job, i don't think you can always give specifics. That said, it would have to be realistic in getting there etc. I haver travelled 5 hours away for a pesonal situation.
With regard to the gd, Possibly a Doula would be able to support you and dh become more informed and confident about the choices you are faced with, and talking to staff etc.
CSWS... we doulas know more than you think. We also attend regular study days, workshops, read etc etc.
GD is rather common these days so it is something that most doulas are clued up on.
As to whether or not you get a doula in your exact geographical area, that would be something for you and her to decide. You should meet several doulas and be sure that you go with the one that works for you. You may find that the first doula that you meet is your perfect fit, in which case then please let the others know so that they can continue to take on enquiries.
The benefit of having a doula that is close geographically is that she would get to you quicker.
Also... your doula will not make any decisions for you, she would help you make an informed choice (ie talk through the different options with you). She can help be an advocate for you but really they work alongside the mws with YOU as their first priority.
Do I think it's worth having a doula? Absolutely! Sometimes just having a doula there allows you to relax and let your baby come. She will support both you and your partner and will encourage you both.
I hope you are looking after your diet and remember that fruit juice has a lot of sugar (however natural). hth
Thanks ladies. I think I will get in touch with my first choice Doula (already had someone in mind) and see whether she would be happy to travel a little (less than an hour I believe), and get some idea of how much she would charge. Still not certain whether I want one or not, but guess it's helpful to get in touch early (am 20 weeks).
Natalie exactly the reason why I used a Doula- so i wouldn't be alone if dh couldn't be there.
In ther end I didn't 'need' her for that reason but she was exceptionally useful to have around as we had a rather stressed out scared seeming MW and her rpesence made me rather nervous!
Doula's seem to vary on their exact what-they-do terms but certainly you don't ahev to use one if you dont fancy it at the last minute- thats entirely your choice
I must say that even if you decide not to call the doula to your birth that the full fee is still payable. Doulas contracts do vary but this is generally what happens.
im on baby number 7 and hired a doula for the first time shes on mumsnet and probably reading this post i really need the support through labour if anything else to keep me going and remind me WHY im doing this i can do this and its going to be ok lol incidentely my DH works away all week come home friday i have no family at all no support and 3 little boys here shes coming to my ante natel appt and scan tomorrow he is due in july so we are gettin there
Hi There I am a Doula, registered with Doula UK and Nurturing Birth. Generally the way Doula's work is once we are booked you pay a deposit (non refundable) if you choose to cancel the Doula, within a certain time scale you do not pay the balence. However, most people find having a Doula adds to the overall experience whether or not you partner can be there, in fact she will be supporting him as much as supporting you, the birth is the beginning if the experience for you both. I would suggest contacting some Doula's in your local area and talking to them, you are committing to nothing by having a meeting.
I hope this helps, feel free to message me back if you have any other questions.
Natalie, definitely worth sounding out possible doulas now - I left it too late to find someone both local and available. The doulas I saw weren't that keen on helping out with childcare, which is totally fair enough, of course. But I reckon that's a gap in the market, as like you I wanted a doula more to make sure there was definitely going to be someone around who could help out generally, to let me focus on labour and not be fretting about my daughter and stuff. Maybe if you start looking now you'll find someone like that.
I have been a homebirths where I have helped with the siblings, also I was booked PURELY to look after 2 children whilst their mum and dad went to the hospital. There are Doulas out there who will do more outside the doula 'remit' - we are there to support, and this may include siblings.
My ideal birth would happen with just me and DH there, with someone who knows what they are doing hanging around outside just in case! 
That's no good is it? 
Cannot remember the last time we danced the night away! Though if dancing all night ends in a fainting spell and stitches, I might just give it a miss! 
