Just curious really. Had a conversation with a friend today who says she would be fine with it. I'm not so sure, but I don't know why, really, as I am fine with male doctors and nurses caring for me. Just wondered what other people felt about this and whether anybody had any experience of this.

I think the most important thing is how confident you feel in a midwife's capabilities and how well you get on with them. I don't think you have to be a woman to have empathy with a woman in labour - i met a couple of midwives when i was expecting who made me quite nervous - very good at their jobs but i wouldn't have been comfortable if they'd been with me for the birth. TBH i am surprised there aren't more male midwives, esp since it's common now for women to have their partners with them for the birth, it's not considered a women-only event any more.

For me, for antenatal care - fine. For post natal care - fine. But for labour - no. I am with Odent on this one, for me, having a male presence when I am in labour would be inhibiting. In fact, I would prefer it to be just me for it bar the actual deleivery. Any presence felt intrusive, and I know that a male one would have felt doubly so. However, that is me, having hippy-dippy-home-water-births. I think for those that don't have physiological births, are in hospital with interventions etc, then the dynamic changes, and the gender of the midwife is less important.

I am sure that just as many women don't give a stuff as those that do though!

The people in the delivery room were there to help me whether they were nurses, midwives, or doctors and I appreciated them all, male and female, being there for me. (and almost all them were gazing up and rumaging around my nether regions).

If all the female midwifes were "taken" and your choice suddenly became, male midwife or no midwife. What would you choose?
It is more than likely that you are never going to see any of them again.

If I had a choice between a fab male midwife or a fantastic female midwife, i probably would prefer a woman tbh. But I'd much rather have a good male midwife than some of the grumpy females I've had to endure in the course of giving birth 3 times.

i am with Michel Odent on this too-not for delivery.

I had a male midwife deliver DS1, and he was fab, but to be honest when he started his shift, DH and I wouldn't have cared if a purple baboon had come to deliver our baby.

The birth was very "medical", though, adn it was a bit strange giving birth to a boy, with DH, a male midwife, and a male OB. (You should have heard the cheer when they realised DS was a boy!)

He was WAY better than the female witch of a midwife I had with DS2.

HOWEVER, I had a home birth with DD, which was very gentle, with no intervention, and I'm extreamly glad a had the kind gentle, female midwife who had delivered hundreds af babies, including her own grandchildren.

As long as the midwife was kind, efficient, confident and good at the job, their gender wouldn't bother me.

I hardly imagine that they would be at all interested in looking at my nether regions for any other reason than to get the baby out!

Being female doesn't automatically equate with being a good midwife, and it certainly doesn't automatically equate with being empathic; I had twelve (female) midwives throughout my 24 hours in labour with dd, and none of them came within twenty feet of me until I was fully dilated - apart from to bark orders and call me names when I became tired and upset. Anything, male or female, would be better than that.

they are often taller

they tend to be men

I would have no problem with the antenatal care or delivery but am not sure how comfortable I would have been with the stitching up afterwards.

We too had a fab male midwife with DS1. By the time he came on shift I don't think we cared either and it was mostly through his intervention and say so that we eventually got an emergency c/s. He was lovely afterwards too, bed baths etc.

Tbh didn't even think about him being a male.

His hands were much bigger than the females though - and that was after an epidural!

what about female obsts? they ok?

<<hides thread>>

i wouldn't want a male midwife-absolutely no way.
i don't really going to see a male doctor about anything intimate either-will always make an appointment with a woman.

i know i've seen a female doc and a male doc at the breast clinic and the femaledoc was so much more empathetic and 'comfortable'

I didn't have a male midwife but did have a male anaethetist when I was loudly demanding an epidural... Fortunately when he asked me to sit up to put the thing in my back he noticed that DD was well on her way and proceeded to deliver her and hand her over to DH in tears saying how pleased he was to have seen that (despite the poo ) so I wouldn't think I would mind a male midwife in fact although I might mind the idea of one IYSWIM

Wouldn't bother me - infact I would prefer it, I just get on with men better. I had about 5 people standing around in my labour, men and women and I really couldn't have cared less TBH.

Glad to hear of some really positive experiences of male midwives. I really don't know why i feel this way about them and maybe if i was actually in labour, I would be like some have already said on hear, beyond caring and just grateful for some good support - which obviously can come from both male and female midwives. I have to say, i would not be comfortable with a male midwife for the after care - ie. for stitches (thankfully never had), directions re bf, advice re afterpains, etc . But, again, I can't rationalise the way i feel and am sure I am being slightly unreasonable and unfair to male midwives

on here (duh)

But I had a man sew me up anyway - he was a SHO, as I ended up in the CLU. I bet that a lot of women have men sew them up. He wasn't a great advert for men though - he made a right mess of it.

Yeah, I can see what you're saying MrsTM - male obstetricians are the norm, really, aren't they - and i think whilst I don't like the idea of a male midwife, in reality, I probably wouldn't care as long as I got good care when I needed it

I had a male midwife with DS and like the others, wouldn't have cared if he was a baboon by the point I went to hospital. The advantage I saw was that at least he couldn't take a patronising 'I've had four kids and it didn't hurt, what are you moaning about!' attitude!( Not that any female midwife I've seen has either, but I have heard stories).

Previous to my horrible birth experience I actually preferred men as I found that they were more gentle/respectful as they didn't have one and knew that they had no idea how it felt. I had a dreadful female GP give me a smear test that left me feeling violated. I think that she had strong religious beliefs (in retrospect) and didn't approve of a young woman in her 20s who was sexually active.

So I don't think that it would make much difference, as long as they were supportive and treated me well.

Hmmm.... there were loads and loads of people rushing in and out, shouting, playing with machinery and peering up my proverbial when ds1 was born. It was like Clapham Junction up there. I must say that when a bloke in a plastic butcher's apron shoved his meaty paw up me, ripped me the extra two inches and said "NOW she can push" I wasn't asking for his CV, recent relevant experience and job description

<so long and thanks for the haemorrhage and blood transfusion, Dr Fuckface>

There was a male student midwife present at dd's birth. Have never thought about it or commented on it until this thread.

There was also a male anaesthetist, a male paediatrician, a male SHO and a male consultant. Pretty sure it was a man who stitched me up.

If a medical professional is competent and not unpleasant to work with I really don't give a stuff if they have a Y chromosome or not.

I find it slightly odd that people have such strong views on male midwives as in my experience most of the consultants are male anyway so why not midwives? Surely once they are qualified they have the same understandibg as childless female midwives?

There is no way I would have an SHO of any gender sew me up. They majority of them are only there for 6 months while training to be GPs. Its a learning post and no way am I having a junior doctor learning on my fanjo.

Trust me, stripey it wasn't my choice. The consultant had given me his promise that he would sew me up, but then buggered off and left the junior to do it (or rather to balls it up ). At that point I was in stirrups and exhausted and DD was being resusciated and I wasn't in a fit state to argue.

I have it on my birth plan this time around that I will have the consultant or the senior midwife do any needlework. Bit late for last time though, as I trusted the bastard to tell me the truth (he lied about the epi too).

Mrs TM - thats awful. A friend of mine had to be "refashioned" a year afetr childbirth due to the hash that was made of her perineal suturing.

Thank you - I pushed for referral and treatment, but I've been told that I'm not a good candidate for surgery.

It wouldn't bother me either way.

OK, so how about asking those who DIDN'T have interventions at birth what they think? If the world and his wife is involved in the delivery room, then yes, gender becomes fairly irrelevant - you want competence and care whatever the gender.

For those that have had hands-off births though, I suspect that a male midwife would present more of an issue - please correct me if I am wrong though .

i had a male MW - after DH and i joked about what we would do if this was the case, as we thought it was so unlikely

in the event, he was great - much better then the female MW cows who looked after me before and after labour

i think that as such a rarity, he had to do his job twice as well as any of the women - with the result that i was looked after extremely well

My ideal midwife would be bossomy, fifties, sympathetic but with a bit of a brisk, no nonsense "put your back into it dear" sort of edge.

That aside I would have no objections to a male midwife.

I would draw the line at a purple baboon though (of either gender)

I had a pregnant midwife deliver ds2 at home, I was late and my allocated midwife was on leave. Even now it makes me feel uncomfortable - what did her unborn child go through hearing all that screaming? She left looking worse than I did after an exhausting night, and then went off work sick. I'd definitely prefer a male midwife to a pregnant one.

I had a male midwife with my first - I grabbed hold of him during the pushing and he was great!
I also had a male HV with my first - my husband & brother used to laugh about him talking to me about breast feeding BUT he qualified working on Prem baby unit and he knew his stuff!

my 2nd child I had a trainee midwife (female) who was left alone with me when her superior popped out & she looked scared stiff....I just got on with it

it wouldn't bother me, as long as he was kind, competent and sympathetic.

i feel that way about any healthcare provider.

if they're doing their jobs and doing them well then it makes no difference to me.

DS was delivered by a male midwife, who was brilliant, camp, funny and knew what he was doing. In the final few awful minutes (I had an OK birth but the final few minutes are never much fun I shouldn't think) when someone had mentionted the possibility of a crash section, he said he had an idea and used a catheter which (I think) broke the hindwaters or something and DS popped out second later.
It wouldn't have bothered me either way anyway: I had spoken to him a time or two in the course of the day and the only midwife I didn't like was the obligatory stop-fussing dismissive COW that they have on every labour ward.

i had one with dd-untill she got stuck and ended up with csection.he was lovely and i think i preffered it as he might have delivered lots of babies but didnt know how much it hurt so i kept telling him.also i felt it was nicer for dh.when i was pregnant with 3rd dc i saw him again after i kept going into labour early-again i felt at ease and thought he was great.

I had a lovely male midwife, Javier as I've mentioned on a previous thread.

He was brilliant and very calming. better than the twat of a consultant (female)who kept telling me I really should try and push harder and I wasn't putting enough effort into it Really? Because it doesn't feel like my body is being ripped apart or anything and every time I push its agony! No really, I just can't be bothered, bitch!

Rant over!

i wouldnt want one or a male doc really....when i had ds there was male paramedic there but he understood how i felt without it being mentioned and kept a distance, he then cared for baby once it was delivered while female paramedic looked after me.

But i breastfed dd immediately when she was born,i felt i had to wait until paramedics left when ds was born as i wasnt comfortable with him seeing.

He would have to be pretty special.

When I had my children I wouldn't have minded the entire bass section of the Llandudno Male Voice Choir delivering them, if it made it hurt less.

<snorts at TakeMeHome> - I know exactly what you mean!

For the labour/delivery I didn't/don't care who's there just as long as they're competent and supportive.

For any medical attention afterwards though, if I'm awake, then I'd prefer a female to sort me out - not least because the lovely lady who stitched me up after DS was full of chat and showbiz gossip which distracted nicely from the fact that she was shoving a suppository up my bum

But what about the aftercare. Could you look him in the eye knowing where he'd been and what he'd seen?

i would be fine with it. i sometimes wonder what prompts a man to want to become a midwife, but then i brush the thought aside because it's nonsense, the motivations surely are the same for men and women!!

moreover most women would be fine with a male consultant delivering their child so not that different

I would be fine with a male midwife for the birth, but I think there are a few things afterwards where I might be a bit shy of a man.

I'm thinking particularly of the time when I showed a sanitary pad to a midwife to check my discharge was normal - I don't think I'd have been able to do that with a man (sorry about the tmi!)

'But what about the aftercare. Could you look him in the eye knowing where he'd been and what he'd seen? '

Well, yes. No problems at all. I'd be hardly the first or last he'd seen. And I'm sure he's seen worst or will see worse.

It's just bits they see all the time.

It's probably like looking at feet for most midwives, GPs, GYNs and the like.

As long as someone is compassionate and competent, well, hey, what more can you ask?

'But what about the aftercare. Could you look him in the eye knowing where he'd been and what he'd seen? '

Well, yes. No problems at all. I'd be hardly the first or last he'd seen. And I'm sure he's seen worst or will see worse.

It's just bits they see all the time.

It's probably like looking at feet for most midwives, GPs, GYNs and the like.

As long as someone is compassionate and competent, well, hey, what more can you ask?

I had a whole troop of student doctors come to see my ds2 delivered because he was big and lying back to back and I'm sure some of them were male but to be honest I couldn't have cared less. I'd sooner have a male midwife than the cow who "looked after me" (in the very loosest sense of the word) when I had ds1.
I've had a male hv who was absolutely fantastic...A million times better than any of the drippy and useless female ones I've had (including one who used to turn up at my house stinking like an ashtray)

i had my first by forceps and the consultant asked me if some students she'd hand-picked could observe her at work.

she said two were male.

didn't bother me in the least!

they have to learn and i'd rather have it be in a controlled setting with a very good senior consultant than otherwise.

Maybe I'm being a bit sensitive (pregnancy hormones!) but I find it a bit that it's thought that those of us who have complicated deliveries would have different opinions of male midwives to those lucky enough to have a straight forward delivery. I did all my labouring and 2 hours of pushing in a MW-led birthing centre, and I would much rather have a good male MW than a female MW who was pushy or drippy for that part of my birth experience too. Even though that part was much more private and it was just me, DH and the MW (or rather three MWs as it went on for ages and the shifts kept changing!).

gender not an issue, you want an able capable confident affable practitioner.that's all.

oddly in obs and gynae male doctors and consultant's but really limited amount of MW

are their any male doula's?

MTM - I really don't mean to be insensitive. I am just giving my opinion based on my experience and the work of Michael Odent, who says that in purely physiological births, the presence of a male may inhibit the birthing process. For me this would be true. I also suspect that if I had intervention, I wouldn't mind who is was helping me as long as they were kind and competent.

However giving birth in my front room, in my space, in peace and quiet, IS different from a hospital birth (I have had both). In that circumstance, then a man being there would have interferred with what what my body was concentrating on. I am not sure it can be explained unless it has been experienced tbh.

Statistically, not many brths are purely physiological these days, so those arguing against men (for them) will be in the minority. That doesn't mean that they are wrong. It does highlight how many births are not what people would like, but that is a whole other thread .

But isn't Michel Odent a male OB?

I'd happily have a male midwife, I've been pregnant three times now and have never felt my care has had anything to do with the gender of the person caring for me at the time.

Anything, - I would be fine, - but not stitching!

Funny that!!!

By the time i had finished giving birth, i wouldnt have cared if Noel Edmunds himself was doing the thing.

no shit, custy!

that's how i feel.

it's a pussy. big deal. they've seen loads.

I am afraid it feels like you are missing the point. It is not about a man looking at your fanjo. It is about a women going inside herself to birth a baby, and the presence of a man in the room preventing her from switching off from the rest of the world. As I said before, unless you have had a birth like this, it may seem rather odd.

I am not bothered about a man stitching me or helping me breastfeed, or asking if I have piles, but I don't want a male in the room when I birth (DP was present, but only from crowning onwards with DS and pushing with DD). Anyone else would have been 'wrong'. Can anyone else help me out here!!

I don't geddit, - but then I never went into myself, - but I certainly did not care and tbh wanted a gun to shoot myself with.

Men and women all welcome to watch!!

I don't see why they would be 'wrong', they are trained medical professionals, and there to help, I find it quite strange that whilst in labour there would be any thoughts of someones gender going through anyones head tbh!

Can't agree, LS - I don't get the "otherness" of men in the way you're describing. I desperately wanted DH with me for the whole thing, and felt his presence made me able to focus and feel safe. DD was delivered by male obs and female mw - no problems, she was just big so they were taking care. Cons we knew quite well, and I was SO happy when he came to assist - made me feel safe and confident.

I did do the "going into myself" thing. I can remember at one point hearing the MW's voice in the distance saying "she's really focussed, isn't she?" to DH. What I wanted was quiet, as long as the MW was quiet and didn't fuss me during the contractions, then it didn't matter about gender.

I didn't want quiet, - I wanted them to blardy well talk to me and explain to me what was going on, - and do it to my face instead of behind my back to each other grrrrr.

Might put no men in my birth plan though, - because bstrd SHO came unaccompanied and put me on my back and gave fundal pressure when if they'd just asked ME how to get the damn baby out I would have told them!

If I put no men, - then unlikely to get any SHOs or interfering consultants for that matter!

i can't agree, LS. it's whom i feel comfortable with, regardless of gender.

a person's gender does not determine the feeling of strength and comfort they radiate, at least not for me.

TBH women scare me more than men. I'd be more worried about them judging the upkeep of my ladygarden, where as with men I'd assume they found me grossly unattractive in that situation and just wanted the job done!

Don't think I'd like the idea of a male m/w - I did do the 'going into yourself' thing - but I'd prefer a decent, caring, respectful midwife to a harridan any day. If the respectful one happened to be male, I'd live with it. But I do suspect there is some truth in what Odent says, and if I had to choose between two decent m/ws I'd go for the woman.

Hab - it is only an 'otherness' that I recognise whilst in labour lol! Any other time, no prob. I reiterate that I am not talking about this in hospital births or when there is intervention. It only applies (to me) for births that are on your terms in your space. Then it becomes important, because you are in charge of who comes in. I didn't have any conception of 'feeling safe' like you said. I was just there, doing it. No other thoughts were in my head.

VS - the 'wrongness' is simply there. It is not a rational thing, but then giving birth physiologically requires you to give up the rational side and let the primitive side take over.

MTM - I do understand what you are saying, but for me, that voice being male would have jerked me out of my space iykwim?

Am I really the only one to have birthed like this? I know I was really lucky with my experiences, but I can't be alone surely??

No, I don't see or feel any wrongness. Not at all.

Just me.

But a baby is created by both a man and a woman.

I have felt such strength and warmth and care radiating from my husband as I was in labour.

I am sure that had I had dd at home, I would still absolutely have wanted DH there for the whole thing. The safety thing is probably a reaction for me in having lost a baby before dd was born - I guess it changes your perspective.

Starlight, but my births weren't like that. It was just me in a pool in my front room. No one talking to me, no explanations needed. Just my body getting on with the job. It is a very different scenario from what you are describing. In your situation, I would agree with you too , but we aren't comparing like for like. I have to say the state of my lady garden never occured to me at all .

Expat - normally I would agree with you, but in labour, a man WOULD make me feel less comfortable. It is not a conscious thing, but an animal thing.

The midwife who assisted at the birth of my son (PFB) was a man. I thought he was fab. He didn't pretend to know things he didn't, wasn't at all bad-bossy, and was calm, gentle and nurturing. Gave us sound and balanced advice based both on professional experience and how own feelings.

I think being a man in a female dominated environment, or vice versa, means you have to be three times better than average to get anywhere ime.

It may make you uncomfortable, but it's not the same for us.

I don't feel like an animal when I'm in labour.

I feel like a person, a human being who is in pain and in need of compassion, strength and care.

I'm a very empathic person, and if I sense these qualities radiating from someone, then it brings me comfort, regardless of their gender.

ListersSister: To be fair, - my ideal would be no-body at all, (I went to the loo just before the 2nd stage and was sooooo tempted to lock the door) - but since that isn't allowed, - I find women just as, if not more threatening than men.

it's different for everyone.

But then, - I grew up in a very male dominated environment!!!

Personally I think I'd flip if Noel Edmunds came within 50 yards of me. Revolting beardy freak.

Hab - very sorry for your loss. I am sure the loss of a child does change your perspective - I know I was much more anxious in my pg's after a miscarriage than I was in my pg before it.

When I had my first child in hospital, I wanted DP there every step of the way. He made me feel safe and protected. When I had my other two at home, I wanted to be on my own, as I already felt safe, and I just wanted to listen to my body with no distractions.

I KNOW I have been very lucky in my birth experiences, and the opinions I am giving are just those that I have drawn from what happened to me .

Lister, even if no one agrees with you or shares your experience that doesn't make it less relevant or justified so who cares if no one comes forward?

only thing i would say is that no strangers works very well in case everything goes smoothly- not taking anything away from you but you have been lucky to have this experience, in other circumstances you may have wanted medical practitioners of any sex to help out. there is no way of knowing IN ADVANCE that everything will be straightforward, and that is only parlty dependent on how much you get into yourself etc...

everyone is different and has different experiences. i know some couples where they decided jointly the male partner wouldn't be there- others for whom it's unthinkable to go through it without their man.

Odent's opinion is just, well, an opinion. he is a wonderful man who has contributed massively to the natural birth movement, but that doesnt mean we have to follow him in everything!

I would rather not have a male midwife (or a male GP for that matter). The man who was in the recovery room after I'd had my cs with dd2 could not take his eyes off my tits (I was attempting to bf) and it made me very uncomfortable. I'm assuming he was a nurse (maybe not ) and they were the size of basketballs, but I minded that he was staring, and I would not have if it had been a woman.

Thanks, LS. I do understand the need to concentrate and focus, but in my case I'm pretty sure that DH would help, rather than hinder that, and another woman (ie someone who hadn't played a part in the creation of this child) would be more of a distraction. DH is pretty good at holding back and just being there, mind.

I wouldn't have liked a male midwife whilst I was in labour (or afterwards to be honest). I had a home birth and would have prefered noone to be there, but that not being an option I would consider, I'd prefer a female midwife. For whatever reason I would find it harder to completely relax with another man there. My husband was there but kept well out of my way and had strict instructions not to talk too much.

I'm not even sure why this should be the case as most of my friends have tended to be male and I'm also an engineer so have been surrounded by mostly men at work so am perfectly comfortable around men. Odd.

I had a wonderful experience with a male midwife so am biased. I thought he was perfect and would request him/a male midwife again. I thought he 'managed me' really well (I too get on with men better) and was great at keeping the induction docs (all male) far away. I delivered naturally in water, as I ahd wanted, laregly due to him. I think you need to know what shuts you down and what wncourages you in labour before you have an opinion on this. If a male in the room is going to trigger your shutdown, get him out of there (my mw says he is regularly asked to leave and understands)!

All that said, I had a doula along for the ride who was very maternal, brought the woman vibe in spades. It was a great mix, along with DH. And funny enough we also had a male health visitor which we adored - I almost think they have to try harder, being men in a 'women's profession'. It's a nice role reversal!

I am a midwife and have a male colleague who is lovely and is a fantastic midwife who is extremely good. We also had a male student but he left when he qualified.

Not so much bothered about the male/female discussion here but like the bits about people seeing your bits, judging your lady garden and having to see the people again. Also seeing breasts.

NO way would an SHO becoming near me to suture my perineum, even if they were supervised, its unnecessary. They're all training to be GPs and its not a skill a GP needs. The midwives wouldn't do my cannula themselves, even though they can and because it was me they wouldn't ask the SHO, who might usually do it. They got the registrar to do it. Who probably hadn't done it for yonks as the SHO or midwife does it.

12 (that I can think of) of my colleagues have seen my bits and some have also seen my massive norks. The doc who did the ventouse was a man. Of course he also stitched my episiotomy. He was very paranoid about my stitches healing and got the male MW who is my friend too, to text me about how it was!

I have to go back to work there! Imagine the pressure on me to have a nice lady garden and behave nicely in labour (I talked drivel the whole time cos of the drugs)

oh god no,

lets face it most of us shout and take it out on our dp not because they got us pg but because they r men and they will never know what it feels like to go through childbirth so y would u want a male midwife unless u had no choice that is.

because they're there to do a job, hans.

and if they're competent and have a good attitude i couldn't care less what their gender is.

The best internal exam I ever got was from a male OB/GYN.

I've had a few men and women doctors and midwives. Some men have been terrible some women have been terrible.

I'd rather the person have skills instead of a vagina.