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Hello - almost another top tips thread - but I wondered if you were going through birth and the first few days again, what would you do differently - and what would you do the same? Everything from the serious to the ridiculous please - from pain relief to making sure your make up bag is at the ready!
I'd book an elective caesarean for the actual birth. (If I could!) and a private room for afterwards ( if i could afford it!). I wouldn't change anything about the first few days as ds was a dream just the birth that was a nightmare!
Food and water. Didnt actually eat or drink in labour but once Ds was out I drove the midwife insane asking for cup after cup of water until they ran out. And about an hour later I was ravenous and ate the only snack we had - a whole packet of jaffa cakes in about 2 minutes. DH kept asking for one and I was literally growling no at him!
Don't tumble out of your car as your husband screeches to a halt outside A&E, bend double and clutch a nearby ambulance person round the thighs gasping 'help me, I'm going to have a baby' Do enjoy the fact that the 2nd time your body does everything better and faster and you at least have an inkling of what's going on DO spend time to find YOUR rythm with your baby and be sure of yourself - EVERYone has an opinion and 9/10 it's different from yours which can leave you feeling insecure
Do again: Don't ask how big do you think the baby might be- believe me my baby was 10lb 8oz= better off not knowing- could manage okay not knowing change: hold off induction
Keep: homebirth, my Mum staying for a week and doing all the cooking, cleaning, washing etc Change: get support people there sooner, waiting for them sucks!
when you are home from the hospital and about to get out of bed to do things you previously considered normal, such as hoovering, cleaning, cooking, get back into bed/ onto the sofa, cuddle your baby and eat some chocolate.
I would ask for help post-birth instead of trying to prove to myself that I could do it ( when I couldn't...) Prepare for bfing pre-birth (idiotic notions that it was "natural" so how would reading about it help...) I'd like to be as calm as I was pre-labour (ignorance is sooooo relaxing!). I wouldn't change how supportive DH was throughout. I would bring baggier trousers and a top for after labour.
i;d have a homebirth, with all my folks and good friends around to meet my new baby as soon as i wanted them to. i would have midwives who i had met and had a rapport with.
i would have a doula. there is no way it is possible to prepare oneself to deal with all the things that can happen. to have had somebody else there to advise me would have made an enormous difference.
addictedtoharibo LOL LOL! I totally remember being ravenous beyond description, and my lovely friend arrived in the middle of the night (she's a former nurse so somehow knew how to break through the laws) and she brought me great loads of Tropicana.... heaven, fruit and biscuits, thank you for reminding me of that great service she did me!!
missorinoco I agree very much with your post!
I wish I'd held out from naming ds, I'm happy with it now but right after his birth dh pretty much bullied me into confirming it and I suddenly wasn't sure about the name any more. I wish I'd said, here are some possibilties and I want to get to know the baby a bit first before we decide. That's what I'd change.
also I wouldn't change having my wonderful sister with me (she's a mw) she was fab, so was the other mw.
dh was ok but, honestly, if he'd been out in the corridor Like some 50s dad for most of the labour, stinking of coffee - it would have been no loss to me!!!!! Fish and bicycle come to mind.
But seriously, I'm glad for his bonding that he was there but he was not much use to me at all!
Would not have pethidine again (much nicer the second time round without it - I remembered the whole labour / birth thing for a start ...
Would definitely ask for an anti-nausea injection again. After DD1 was born I spent hours being sick - so much so that I didn't get to hold her for a long time. With DD2 they immediately offered me an anti-nausea injection as soon as I felt sick and I was able to have cuddles almost straight away. Apparently the sickness is often made worse by the injection they give you to deliver the placenta quickly.
I totally agree specialmagiclady but would go further
NO VISITORS at all until bfing established. dh kept trooping mates into see us and I was trying to get ds to feed, it was SO irritating. There should be a bloody purdah around a new mother (particularly first time mother) that stops over enthusiastic rels/mates from bloody tipping up unannounced/uninvited!!!
1) i would do my pelvic floors throughout pregnancy and beyond! (had a 3rd degree tear!)
2) i would hire a Doula (crappy mws didn't tell me when to stop pushing hence 3rd degree tear)
3) i would stay at home as long as possible, should have pushed for a home birth if ok to have one.
4) would avoid a section at all costs (unless emergency of course) do not understand why people think they are the easy option (had elective with baby no 2 because of previous tear.)Should have had another vaginal birth.
First one NO STITCHES! Would also pass on the gas and air. Would have left hospital straight away and come back for all the blood tests rather than habg round for 3 days. Second one. Second one would have let hospital straight away rather than waste whole day hanging round for paediatrician.
wouldnt like to repeat the post partum bleed, which then kept me in overnight.
but, I also had the most surreal, wonderful night alone with my LO just watching her, holding her, trying to feed her, so perhaps I shouldnt change that. I did have a single room....
I'd do it again if they could guarantee that this time the baby would be in the right position and I wouldn't be blue-lighted to the hospital for an emergency C-section instead of my lovely homebirth. OR if they had to do that at least let me shave my own bits and allow me to clean myself up after instead of making me sit in my bed, bleeding (with no pad) sweating and still with that crappy iodine on my stomach!! can you tell I hated the hospital?
Actually write a birth plan and then tell the midwife to nag me into doing it.
(Felt a bit disappointed with myself for not being a bit more active, just lay there on the bed in a gas and air/diamorphine haze.) Bloody lovely stuff!
Oh and put some clothes on sooner and not just two minutes before leaving for the hospital. Socks, shoes, huge belly and contractions just don't mix!
I would ask to hold my baby as soon as she was born. We missed the moment, they wrapped her up, we never thought to question it and so I never held my new baby skin-on-skin. In fact, I hardly held her at all - in my silly zonked-out state I thought she was safer in the little cot, all wrapped up in blankets. I will always regret that.
Do Again: have active birth, move around loads, not go near a hosp table-bed and refuse to let a doctor come within 100 yards of me.
Not Do Again: hove house with a 3 week old baby, allow nosey aunts to pester me when I needed to establish BF (she never did BF so she didn't understand and she forgot that her generation had 2 weeks in hosp as standard, not 12 hours!) long distance travel with 2 months old (baby was fine, I was not)
In short I'd give myself a lot more time and take less on board.
Keep: staying at home for as long as pos Change : Not staying at local cottage hospital for more than 2 days after the birth. Next time i'd stay for a week if they'd let me! And no visitors for the first few days.
DS1 would have challenged the MW who said I was pushing when the Cons rang after 12 hours of labour. Not true - he was dragged out in distress 4 hours later. Also, would have insisted MIL came to see me rather than us trek 3 hours up there in the freezing December weather. DS2 would have changed Cons earlier and insisted I had a cs had I have known I would still be suffering with severe SPD 12 years later! Do again - make sure that DH was there to support me again (although there will never ever be an "again" ever.)
Keep: DS being put straight on my chest less than a second after arriving. The moment where he opened his eyes and looked straight at me was so primal I wouldn't have missed it for anything (we'll gloss over the fact that he pooed all over me about five seconds later).
Change: I should have fought(physically if necessary) all the midwives who kept telling me to put DS on bottlefeeding because he'd lost 9% of his birth weight. Breastfeeding was working well for us until their interference. After that first bottle he never latched on again and the combination of that and the baby blues meant I lost so much confidence in myself and bonding with him because I felt a) a failure and b)that he'd 'rejected' me. I then knackered myself out trying to express every feed for three hourly feeds, when time has shown that DS eats a lot in one sitting and sleeps a lot afterwards (much like his Dad!).
Change - would be nice to actually have a midwife around now and again, rather than one for SEVEN women in labour. Bloody dangerous and responsible for my third-degree tear.
Keep - if I did it again, I'd like to have another no-intervention straightforward birth, please! But with some midwife support, this time. Would love it if both my sisters could be there again but they have children of their own now so doubt it will happen.
Would wait to start pushing- mw said "you can start pushing if you like" and I took that to mean "you need to push now". I didn't want to and it felt really really wrong. This time (in about 7 weeks fingers crossed!) I will wait until I get the urge to push before trying to heave a whole human being out of my nether regions!
just the birth that was a nightmare! 
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